WHAT-IF-ITIS: How to Combat It
Terise Lang
Empowering Professional Women 40+ to Thrive | Life, Health, & Wellness Coach, Speaker, Voice Artist, and Writer | You deserve to experience more joy, health, energy, and fulfilling relationships. Let's get you started!
Normally, words ending with the suffix -itis indicate inflammation. In this context, my term what-if-itis inflames not the organs, but a passionate fear of the unknown, of what lies ahead.
It can paralyze you in the sense that it freezes or stalls your decision-making. It can make you feel like you’re losing your grip. It can even make you physically ill, with symptoms like tension headaches, stomach or back pain, and increased blood pressure.
I should know.
The onset is untimely
This condition manifests every time I declare an ambitious new goal, commence a challenging project, or stand on the brink of investing in a new business concept or area of study. My hands get clammy. My breathing becomes rapid, my heart pounds just a little harder and a lot faster, and then my what-if thoughts begin chasing each other like race cars.
Questions, questions
What if this doesn’t work out? What if I fail? What if I lose too much money, especially at this stage of my life? What if I end up looking stupid or foolish? What if I turn out to be incompetent? What if? With a startled expression punctuating every question, I begin emulating the panic of Chicken Little—minus the cuteness or the feathers.
The fight begins
That’s when I grab one of the most valuable weapons in my holistic wellness stash; it’s a sign I tacked on the wall directly above the laptop where I do the bulk of my writing. It says REMIND YOURSELF ABOUT YOUR MIND.
Ah, yes, the human mind. That wonderful, amazing storehouse of all my past experiences.
Unfortunately, it can also act as the vault of fault. Or failure.
Know your response pattern
Whenever I think about trying something new, my mind rapidly retrieves the memories of embarrassing, humiliating, disappointing, and disastrous moments. That's not all. Reminiscing forces me to relive the emotions associated with those events.
And I know intuitively that if I focus on those uncomfortable feelings with enough intensity, I’ll lose my nerve. I’ll cancel my plans. I’ll stick with what I know and only what I know. Then I’ll feel safe again.
The mechanism of the mind
No, my mind isn’t the enemy of progress; it is simply doing what it has done for man since primitive times when there were no devices, news outlets, or public alarms to warn of impending danger. It stands as a sentinel at life's doors to an uncertain future. It continues to shield me from anything that might cause injury or harm to either me or my sensitive ego. That includes anything new.
The costs of hiding out
There are only a few problems with this protective process. I don’t learn from my mistakes when I set up camp within an artificial safe zone. I don’t venture out and innovate. I don’t develop a tougher skin. Face it: Sometimes you need the skin of a pachyderm.
I don’t connect with others who share my anxieties and goals so I can construct a critical nexus of support.
Instead, I run the risk of stagnation. I might end up complaining about how unfulfilling my life is, how nothing in it ever moves forward, how all I ever encounter are limitations.
Holistic helpers
So what’s the solution? While I can’t get rid of my mind (it does have its uses), I can perform a technique that has worked for me and others with whom I have shared it.
My remedy is to spend time working on awareness of my thoughts, the ones that fill me with apprehension when I consider a new strategy. And I remind myself those are just thoughts.
I hear you loud and clear; now go away, I tell myself. I don't need you anymore. I replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.
Then I visualize in detail the milestones I hope to achieve. For instance, I picture myself traveling to a new and beautiful destination like Aruba once COVID no longer poses a threat.
Success does offer its rewards and, even if the outcome differs from what I pictured, the strength and wisdom I gain in learning to take risks is invaluable.
In summary, while what-if-itis isn’t curable, it isn’t chronic, and it needn’t be terminal in terms of destroying my dreams or my eagerness to pursue them.
Whenever I separate my mind’s overprotective thoughts from genuine risk assessments, they don’t stand a chance of defeating me. With a little practice, I’m sure yours won’t defeat you either.
Copyright? 2021
Terise Lang
All rights reserved.
?Terise Lang is a freelance holistic wellness writer who is blessed to live with her husband in a humble but beautiful suburb of Atlanta, where she takes daily three-mile walks to listen to the birds and absorb the sights of nature’s bounty.?