What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Earlier About Parenting

Parenting upended how I work in so many ways.

If you're a new parent still trying to work the same way you did before, it might be a struggle. So much of the myth of the “ideal mother” and lean-in feminism?says that we should be able to keep driving forward, just with a baby on our hip.

And specifically a?quiet?baby—one that’s never seen or heard from much, kind of like Jennifer Aniston’s magical baby in the final seasons of Friends. In her latest book, Reshma Saujani asks us just where?was?that baby all the time whenever we didn’t see it? No mention of childcare—and certainly very little crying.

When I first became a parent, I tried so hard to keep running at full speed.

When I first became a parent, I tried so hard to keep running at full speed. That's the pervasive myth of Lean-In Motherhood—that you can do it all, if you work hard enough and have enough systems in place. It was frustrating and led to a lot of exhaustion.

But the truth is, trying to be everywhere at once and doing ALL the things is just impossible for most people, and especially for parents. The idea that you can "do it all" and "have it all" is?a very damaging myth that we share.

Here’s what I wish someone had told me earlier →

1. It's not about getting all the work done?and doing all the things, it's about getting one important thing done and leaving the rest.
2. Things that used to work?(relying on memory, pushing through at night, catching up on the weekends)—won't work anymore.
3. Setting boundaries and saying no?are going to become even more important than ever.

What I wish someone had told me earlier was that it’s perfectly reasonable for your work to change and adjust to the new realities of your life. If you haven't recalibrated yet, it's still important to do.

Doing it all is an impossible goal.

When it finally dawned on me that “doing it all” was an impossible goal, I had to get more strategic about the way I showed up to work. I still wanted—and loved—to work, write, and create things, but now I had way less time and energy.

So I asked myself: How can I do this differently? What's not working about right now? The most radical question to ask in a world that prioritizes hustle: What about doing less work? It felt terrifying to ratchet way back, and focus on just one (maybe two) things and just doing those things. The first few times I started operating this way, it was hard. It was awkward.

There were so many things I wanted to do—be on all the channels, show up everywhere, say yes to everything, have a weekly podcast AND a daily email AND a live event AND a community AND run a facebook group AND have paid programs.

We aren't going to win at the speed or volume game. We can't. So we need to find different ways to have a competitive edge.

To me, that's radical focus. It's saying no to a huge number of things (across both parenting and work expectations) and focusing on the few things you can do better than others. After having two kids and living through a pandemic, I came up with a new structure for figuring out how to decide what to do and what not to do—and how to say no more.

As part of my work, I interview parents for a living on the Startup Parent Podcast. During the interviews, I ask parents to tell me what they don't do, and how they're streamlining their lives.

Here are some of?#parenting ?ideas they've shared with me: Only do one kid activity per season. Wear clothes twice (half the laundry!). Dress the kids in tomorrow's clothes for pajamas. Systematize lunches and meals as simply as possible. A smaller house is less stuff to buy, less stuff to clean, and less money. Reduce commutes however possible!

And some of the?#business ?ideas: Only do one social media channel (or quit entirely). Cut business projects that don't fit 80/20 rule. Eliminate time-wasting clients. Change from "every week" to seasonal or biweekly. Have "no meeting" days or weeks. Schedule your vacation weeks into your calendar before the year starts.

It's okay if your work process changes because of parenting.

It's okay if you slow down and focus on a few things that really matter. It's okay if you get rid of all of the crap work?(including those 12 Facebook Groups you no longer need).

The idea that your work won't change—that YOU won't change—when you do the most radical thing of bringing a new person to the world astounds me. Of course you will change. Of course your work and life might shift. Why not embrace it?

Accepting that change happens is one of the critical mindset shifts to make parenting a little more do-able.

— Sarah Peck, CEO & Founder, Startup Parent

To get the the system for how to cut back on work, read this book.

https://mailchi.mp/startupparent/half