What I wish people at work had known when I had a nervous breakdown

Being vulnerable is so very difficult. Especially, if it is weaponised by others to your detriment. This is the fear we face when wishing to open up and share something personal.

This is why I continuously champion the importance of psychological safety.

Unfortunately, it has taken a global pandemic and workforces who are revolting against previous norms for many leaders to break the confines of 20th Century thought patterns. Leadership MUST prioritise the wellbeing of their people!

Just over 9 years ago I had a breakdown which left me practically catatonic and bedridden for 4 months.It came about almost a year after losing both healthy parents and working through the bereavement, thinking I was coping with my grief.

I was very fortunate, I had?access to excellent care facilities and a range of therapies. I also had the love and support of family and friends who never gave up on me and helped me through the most difficult time of my life – not everyone has this luxury.

?I had suffered a “trauma-related breakdown and subsequent depression”, my therapist advised me.

On returning to work after 7 months at home, which I did before I had recovered, I felt lost.

?Return to work – My experience

~ I would lose hours sitting at my computer screen, not knowing where the time had gone.

~ The work I did do was obviously not to my usual standard and I noticed I made mistakes with using the correct small words in my writing – it, to, is etc. I’d get them mixed up.

~ Just speaking to people was exhausting. I avoided eye contact and conversations – this led to isolation.

~ Getting dressed and the commute alone depleted the little energy I had.

~ I didn’t have the energy to look after myself and so I would literally buy ready-made meals on the way home, eat them and then go straight to bed. This was my life for over a year on my road to recovery.

~ Accomplishing every day tasks became small wins, which became my recovery journey. Everything from cooking a meal, getting dressed at the weekend to leaving the house to go shopping.

Return to work – How others treated me

In a recent conversation, one of my dearest friends said, “Jo, people often don’t know what to say to a person when they’re grieving, and you had also had a breakdown”.

~ People avoided me.

~ Conversations were stilted and work-based only.

~ I was told “I had changed”…. Really?!

~ My vulnerability was used against me by some peers, and I was bullied. This further fed into my feelings of anxiety and depression.

~ My capabilities were under question which affected my professional credibility.

What I wish I had received on returning to work

~ Returning to a psychologically safe environment

~ Empathetic leadership

~ Grief counselling

~ A person withing the company I could speak to and share my thoughts with, who was there to support my recovery. This is different to HR and OHS – these roles have been created to meet the needs of the company (although they are now changing as the outcome of recent events).

~ Colleagues who understand grief and the process of recovery.

~ Conversations where when asked “How do you feel?” by colleagues and managers, I had been given the safe opportunity of sharing my reality and it being received without judgement or repercussion.

~ Support in rebuilding my abilities in my role – confidence in my capabilities. Knowing I had been unwell, however, they were there to help me to get back to fulfilling my role.

~ Establishing achievable tasks and goals rather than expectations of returning to previous standard of achievement.

~ Offering flexible working – without constraints.

~ Removing the fear and anxiety in relation to losing my job.

Employers are under pressure to deliver on Duty of Care more so now than ever.

It doesn’t have to be complex or take huge changes to provide support.

It requires seeing each person as an individual, meeting their specific needs, so that they can remain a valuable member of the organisation. The ROI will far outweigh replacing them.

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The Journey

When asked to describe that time in my life, I say it felt like the scene from the film “Ghost”.

When the blackness swirls around the bad guys before fully enveloping them and taking them away.

It was that dark, oppressive , heavy, all-consuming, hard to breath feeling.

…… and yet I would show up every day.

In time I was seen as the ‘same old Jo’, smiling, joking, hair, nails, heels …. No-one saw the effort it took to get there.

My mental well-being is something I consciously manage now because I know how precious it is.

I also recognise when I need to pay more attention to it, when I start making mistakes with the small words.

Something people may not be aware of, is the ongoing , concerted effort needed to achieve certain things. I am now working on ensuing PTSD which is a result of work and health related factors. This manifests as anxiety and its related symptoms. Although you wouldn’t know …. I do my best to manage it (externally) …..By doing so, I achieve!

At the risk of sharing an overused cliché – “Be kind, you never know what somebody is dealing with or going through”.