WHAT I WISH I KNEW BEFORE I STARTED WORKING: HOW YOU CAN LEARN FROM MY CHALLENGES, AND TURN YOUR LEMONS INTO LEMONADE

LESSON 1: THERE IS VALUE IN EVERY EXPERIENCE YOU GO THROUGH 

If you know me well, you know that I REALLY do not enjoy Real Estate and Probate. ??

 So you can imagine the ulcers and emotional constipation I felt when I found myself in the Real Estate team doing just that on a day in and day out basis. It was like dying each day and each time someone would say that I am part of the Real Estate team or tell me I am a conveyancer, I would want to scratch their eyes out. ??

 But, because I had to do it, I had to introspect and understand what I could learn from this phase in my life and how I could make an impact to myself and others, and also ask myself what value could I bring and gain from this phase in my life.

 Some of my biggest issues were:

(1)Real Estate felt so impersonal.

 It felt monotonous and I did not understand what my impact was. I kept asking myself what is so great in me being for just drafting agreements for someone to rent, buy or sell a property. How am I helping here?

I felt that I was useless and that my mind was rotting away, and I hated it.

(2) Probate, was constantly being reminded of death = super depressing.

Constantly dealing with death was very problematic for me, especially as an empath, seeing a family struggle was overwhelming and I struggled with carrying their emotions with me but remaining detached.

It became worse when my own father passed on and I had to work through a probate matter.

Back then, I felt so discouraged and stuck. I kept seeing peers and colleagues talk about their exciting transactions doing work they liked and it killed my confidence and me.

I constantly kept asking myself... “Why aren't I doing what I like? Is getting depressed and doing work that adds no value all there is to work for me?”

It was tough. It still can be sometimes, especially when I am in the fog of things. I get frustrated, I feel defeated, but with time, I have developed the confidence to express what I am feeling, to challenge my own biases, and even to discuss what I feel and my concerns with my supervisor, Lorna, and she reminds to constantly ask myself, in any circumstance, “What is my impact here?”. It helps me come out of overwhelm, and stop seeing myself as a victim of circumstance and instead see myself as a decision maker in how i interpret my experience and my contribution to the experience.

 With time, and patience, I have seen my why creep through:

1. With respect to Probate, the very thing I hated about myself -feeling deeply for others, because it overwhelmed me, also helped me help my grieving clients better.

I was able to show emotional support for my clients in a way that my peers could not, because I know what losing someone so close to you feels like. Therefore, I knew how to handle clients both, as a lawyer and as a human. Ultimately, a grieving client wants to know you care. A textbook could not teach me this. However, life did.

2. With respect to Real Estate, I had to learn to address the subject by being the opposite of what I hated about it.

It felt impersonal, so I strived to make it personal. 

Therefore, I incorporated how I operated as a person. I realised, generally, I value relationships and I always want to understand why or how I add value to my family or friends. Therefore, this time, I tried to apply the same with my clients.

I wanted to understand and I kept asking myself:

“What was my client's story? Why was getting this property important to them? Why did it matter to them?”

Sure enough, when I changed my internal questions. I met the clients who gave me a why.

(1) Client 1: Elderly couple dealing with a dodgy developer

These clients spent their life savings trying to conclude a purchase of a property from a dodgy developer who was not cooperative. My clients, an elderly couple, were trying to either get a refund or complete the transaction and get the property. This transaction quickly became my favourite, because I felt so outraged by the fact that someone would try to dupe someone who invested their life savings into buying a home. It was not a job, it was a cause, and I was ready to fight to the end.

I lost weekends and sleep over it trying to find a solution because it mattered to me and I did. It was the most amazing feeling ever.

(2) Client 2: Woman who lost her father before she became 'someone'

This client struggled with immeasurable guilt along with dealing with the grief of losing a father. She also struggled with being a parent to her children because she felt like a little girl, who just wanted to see her daddy again. Handling her probate matter was both a very big trigger for me, because I could relate to her guilt and pain a lot. I understood that for her, she needed a human being to help her deal with her loss as part of the probate process, not a lawyer asking her specific details just to draft documents.

She could not hold back tears when the documents were ready because each time she read her father being referred to as 'the deceased', it was a sharp reminder that he was gone, for good.

It hit me hard then, that these practice areas were just tools that life was using to teach me valuable lessons: problem solving, communication, grit and seeing the importance of someone's story or journey in how you provide a service.

Do not get me wrong, I still do not like these areas and I am not leaving myself behind, because I am working towards building my path. However, I am learning to think big picture and be patient with the journey. It also helps that Mr. Omwela constantly tells me to “Breathe, your career is not a sprint. It is a marathon. Take it a day at a time”

For today, all I can say is learning to appreciate where I am, and understanding my why, helped me develop skills that have helped me understand my role in a transaction in a way that I had not experienced before.

I guess briefly, what I am trying to say is, wherever you are, no matter how bleak it looks, there is an unseen benefit to what you are going and growing through. No experience ever goes to waste.

Value the experience.