What I Wish I Had Known About Love

There was a time when I thought love meant sacrifice—when I believed that protecting someone else’s feelings meant staying about my own. I thought love was the only necessary ingredient for a relationship to endure. I didn’t recognize the difference between love and control, concern and manipulation, devotion and isolation. Looking back, I wish I had known what I know now.??

Today, I am blessed with a marriage built on trust, honesty, and mutual respect. But my relationships weren’t always healthy. Not because I didn’t have positive role models, but because I didn’t yet understand the warning signs of dysfunction. I overlooked things that should have been clear. I excused behaviors that should have been questioned. And in my silence, I carried burdens I was never meant to carry.??

Even as I moved into adulthood, I found myself repeating patterns—protecting people at my own expense, keeping my struggles hidden, believing that sharing my truth would be a betrayal. It wasn’t until the relationships ended that I finally let myself speak, only to realize that those around me had never known the depth of what my relationships looked like behind the scenes.??

Now, as a mother of teenagers, I make sure my children know what I didn’t. Because love should never feel like control.??

The Subtle Signs We Overlook??

When we’re young, it’s easy to fall for someone before truly knowing who they are. Love feels exciting, all-consuming—but sometimes, in the rush of it all, we miss the warning signs.??

?? Obsessive “concern” over where you are and what you’re doing isn’t love. It’s control.??

?? Criticizing what you wear or how you look isn’t care. It’s an attempt to make you feel small.??

?? “If you loved me, you would…” or “If you cared, you wouldn’t…” isn’t love. It’s manipulation.??

?? Dismissing your feelings or rewriting events to make you doubt yourself isn’t a healthy disagreement. It’s gaslighting.??

?? Slowly pulling you away from family and friends isn’t devotion. It’s isolation.??

At first, these things might seem harmless—maybe even flattering. But before long, the grip tightens. What starts as a simple request becomes a demand. What feels like affection turns into control. And by the time you realize what’s happening, you feel too entangled to walk away.??

Why This Matters??

Here are the sources for the teen dating violence statistics I provided:??

1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) – Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance (YRBS) 2023 Report?

???- Reports that 1 in 12 high school students experience physical dating violence, and 1 in 16 experience sexual dating violence.??

???- Source: [CDC Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance](https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/data/yrbs/index.htm)??

2. Love Is Respect – National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (2024 Data) - States that 1 in 3 U.S. teens experience some form of dating abuse.??

???- Reports that 70% of young people who have been in abusive relationships did not initially recognize the warning signs.??

???- Source: [Love Is Respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/)??

3. National Domestic Violence Hotline – Adolescent Relationship Abuse Report (2024)?

???- Found that 57% of teens who experience dating violence never tell anyone. ?

???- Digital abuse is rising, with 35% of teens reporting online harassment or control from a partner.??

???- Source: [National Domestic Violence Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/)??

4. U.S. Department of Justice – Bureau of Justice Statistics (2024 Update)

???- Teen girls aged 16-19 are nearly three times more likely to experience intimate partner violence than the general population.??

???- Source: [Bureau of Justice Statistics](https://bjs.ojp.gov/)??

Not every unhealthy relationship ends in physical violence, but emotional scars can last even longer. Teen dating violence is more common than we realize, and awareness is the first step toward prevention.?

That’s why I teach my children the things I once ignored. Love should never make you feel like you have to hide. It should never make you feel unsafe. It should never require you to fit into a box or become smaller than who you are.?

If you have a young person in your life, have the conversation. Ask them how their relationships make them feel. Remind them that love should bring out the best in them—not diminish who they are.??

And if you’ve ever found yourself in a relationship that made you doubt your worth, know this: you are not alone. You are worthy of love that is kind, patient, and safe.

In Faith and Growth,

The Coach Christina?

P.S. If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Hit reply or share this with someone who needs to hear it. Join me in raising awareness together, this month and always.

If you know a teen who needs support in this area, please reach out.?

#HealthyLove #KnowTheSigns #EmotionalAbuseAwareness #TeenDatingViolencePrevention #DiscoverABetterYou #TheCoachChristina #ChadSmeltzer