WHAT I WISH I KNEW BEFORE I STARTED WORKING: LESSON 2

LESSON 2: IN THE REAL WORLD, 2+2 DOES NOT ALWAYS EQUAL 4. SOME TIMES IT EQUALS 0, AND SOMETIMES IT EQUALS 6.

Have you ever given all you have, put in everything into something? You know… the very best of you and it didn't work out? Or you got overlooked, felt duped, and not appreciated, and became deeply disappointed, as a result?

If you have not, lucky you. I have. It sucks when it happens.?? When it does, it is very easy to start feeling very resentful, sad and confused, and ask yourself:

Similarly, have you ever met one person, had one conversation and that led to a life changing opportunity? That changed you for the better, in an instant.

If you have not, I am sorry. I have. It is amazing!??

I guess what I am trying to say is, hard work, does not always pay off. 

I have been in a position where, I put in the work and did everything and ended up with a slap in the face. Got zero out of the effort. Actually, no, I ended feeling betrayed, bitter and disillusioned. One sucky experience of mine comes to mind when I think of this is:

My swimming career

I do not think I have met a more hard working person than my teenage self, and I do not mean this in a braggadocios way. I was a little girl with a big plan for myself. I had no time for what was not part of it. I gave my all to swimming. I firmly believed that hard work and discipline would buy me my ticket to the life that I wanted. So every second of the day, was invested in creating that life, and swimming was my ticket to that life.

The discipline yielded results over time; I consistently was the best female swimmer in the country for over 5 years. Unfortunately, due to the corruption and foul play in most professional bodies in the country. I was duped out of my chance to go to the Olympics when I was 13, in 2004 and, when a particular politician bought the slot for his daughter, and out of my swimming scholarship, when I was 16, when the same thing happened again, just by someone else, which sent me to a spiral. It broke me.

It is hard for a child to understand that sometimes despite our efforts, things just do not work out. I was angry, so angry and I did not understand how I could not help myself. I felt deeply betrayed and I made a decision then to always be able to defend myself. Which is coincidentally why I partially became a lawyer. I thought, I guess rather simplistically, that lawyers always know what to do.

So I decided to become a lawyer, because I wanted to protect myself, to be prepared, in the event life decided to throw a punch.

So here I am, now a lawyer, years later and it is amazing what life does when you let go and trust it and yourself a little more. It is not easy. However, I also realised that holding on to that, and any other disappointments would only hurt me in the end, short-change me and prevent me from seeing and grasping the new opportunities that life had to offer. Therefore, each time, I now think of giving up, I remind myself of that girl and I pick myself back up and try again.

Accepting that doing your best may not always work out was a lesson that I took a long time to grasp, and just when I did, I had another lesson and another lesson. You get the picture.

But you see, life works like that, each time you elevate to a new level, there is a new challenge to overcome. It is okay if you feel sad about things, take the time to do so, it is your right to, but do not let it consume you and change you. It consumed and changed me for a long time, made me afraid of trusting myself and going after what I wanted, so for a good number of years, I played small, I chose to want nothing for myself, I chose to go hard for others but not myself, all this to protect myself. That is not living, that is shortchanging yourself.

I still catch myself self-sabotage when I start getting excited about something. However, I am deliberately making a decision to take a chance on myself. I am a sure bet, and so are you. It is scary, but do not stop going hard for what you want.

Nevertheless, I am also, blessed beyond measure in the most unexpected ways, and one key example of this is me meeting Stephen Shergold

As I expressed in the previous article, I was deeply unhappy at work, especially after my father died. I felt trapped and I was on the verge of giving up.

Despite my fa?ade, and doing my best to be warm and chummy, I was carrying a lot inside. Partially, I felt if I just kept faking it, may be how I would feel would go away. In part, I also did not want to let people down, or be a quitter.

It was a terrible feeling and headspace to be in. What no one knew was that, I had written a resignation letter and carried it in my pocket for more than 6 months. Every day I would intend to hand it in but something would happen and I wouldn't. Perhaps, I was looking for a sign to either hold on or let go.

That sign came with a bang when we had our launch as Dentons Hamilton Harrison & Mathews, and I ended up being assigned the duty to welcome the partners from the other offices at some point of the evening.

As luck would have it, they could not find Stephen's tag so I had to keep Stephen company for a bit as they did.

For whatever reason, we started talking about what the combination with Dentons means for me as an Associate. I also told him what I had hoped it would mean for my growth, not just for the partners or the clients. I also started talking about the unlimited potential and possibilities that come with a global brand. We then had an extensive discussion about areas of law, and I briefly told him about my thoughts on the Lamu Coal plant project in Kenya, which he noted I was passionate about. One thing led to the other, and Stephen then told me to reach out to him in two days. I did not think much on it, but when I did, he asked me if I would be open to working for him, as part of his team for a short term Secondment in London. I did, and it changed me.

My time in London with Stephen and his amazing team (though rather short), gave me a new lease and a second chance in my career at Dentons HH&M.

I learned that it was possible to find a silver lining in any situation, that it was sometimes necessary to completely be removed from a situation to get a fresh perspective. Stephen also took a chance on me when it felt like no one did and taught me a lot about working differently and exposed me to work that made me enjoy practice again.

That opportunity, was not because of my hard work, but a miracle that gave me much more than I could have imagined and helped me bounce back and finish the year strong. I made a a promise to myself that I would make sure that Stephen's bet on me was not going to be for nothing and I would show up for him when it was required. I am happy to say that life is giving me that opportunity now, but that we shall talk about in future.

For today's lesson, here is what I think you should remember:

Life comes in a mixed bag. Good or bad, nothing is ever permanent. If times are good, brace yourself, because life will not always be that way. Similarly, if you are going and growing through a tough time, hang in there, eventually, if you keep fighting for yourself, things get better and life will surpise you.

Remember: in life, 2+2 does not always equal 4. Sometimes it equals 0 and sometimes it equals 6. Either way, keep going.