What I want you to know about sexual harassment in the workplace as a woman

Content warning: this article includes topics of a sexual nature.

When I first started this series, I wanted to explore the unique, personal experiences of individuals with intersecting or minoritised identities. I didn’t ask our contributors to try to speak on behalf of anyone else other than themselves, or try to represent everyone who shares that part of their identity.???

However, when I came to the topic of sexual harassment it quickly became apparent that, unfortunately, our experiences are not unique. The situation for women, in particular, in the workplace across the country felt near-on universal – everyone had either experienced, or knew someone who had experienced sexual harassment. From the covert to the overt, I was overrun with stories to share.??

And so for this piece, the experiences recounted below all come from different anonymous women.???

The men in these testimonials may not even remember that these events took place or may not think there was anything seriously wrong with what they said or did. I highly doubt any of them would consider themselves a ‘sexual harasser.’?But despite what they may have intended, what mattered was the impact. All these experiences fall under the definition of sexual harassment because of the impact they had on the victim, or the person who witnessed it, and how they made them feel.??

So, what do we want you to know about workplace sexual harassment???

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It’s not just what’s said to your face; it’s what’s said behind your back or about other women. If men are comfortable speaking about women in this way with their colleagues, how on earth are they speaking about us online or with their friends??

“I discovered all the men in the agency had a secret Slack channel where they would rate the girls in the office and call out who was looking hot or not.”?

“I was added to a group WhatsApp with my colleagues where I was the only woman. The guys would screenshot their Tinder matches for others to rate how ‘doable’ they were.”??

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It makes us second guess our appearance, changing how we want to dress to deflect attention or protect ourselves from unwanted comments. When did your male colleagues last receive sexualised comments about wearing a tie??

“I’ve been told ‘that’s a nice dress, shame it’s not shorter.’”?

“The older men in my office would fixate on my clothes or the length of my skirt, calling me ‘The Boss’ if I chose to dress up or wear heels.”?

“As a teenager in my Saturday job, a manager used to comment on the colour of my bra beneath my uniform. Another teenage girl asked to stop being put on shift with him because it made her so uncomfortable, but he continued to do it.”??

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Colleagues crossing boundaries feels even more prevalent and unpleasant at a social, such as a Christmas party. Everyone’s dressed up, the drinks are flowing – and then a casually but intentionally placed hand where you don’t want it can completely ruin your night.??

“I’ve experienced men in leadership getting too handsy after a few drinks, personally and to my colleagues.”?

“I’ve been invited back to an older male coworker’s hotel room for ‘beer and sex’ on a work night out.”?

“I had a boss who was very touchy-feely and I made it clear I wasn’t a touchy-feely person, nor was I comfortable with people in my personal space. He constantly crossed that boundary and would often pat me on the back or shoulder, then get offended when I reminded him I didn’t like it.”??

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Colleagues being overtly sexual is inappropriate and unpleasant at the best of times. When it’s a male, senior colleague, there’s an added layer of fear that creeps in as it feels like they are trying to assert their power over you in some way.??

“I left my job after a colleague made a really nasty comment about my sex life to my boss in front of the rest of the office while I wasn’t there, and he said nothing.”?

“A young female colleague of mine was a lesbian. An older guy in a leadership role used to repeatedly ask her whether she or her girlfriend was 'the man’ in their relationship.”?

“We always used to open our Secret Santa gifts one by one, in front of the whole team. My manager bought a recently divorced colleague a vibrator for her gift. She was mortified, he thought it was hilarious.”?

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Male privilege is rife.?

“I was told not to get pregnant in the next year because it would ruin the rota.”?

“I was told I wouldn’t get a job in the hospital near me because I’m missing the main thing they’re looking for – a penis.”?

“Working for an international charity, it was pretty much an open secret that one of the guys would visit prostitutes and strip clubs when he visited Thailand for work. Nothing was ever done about it which I think contributed to a hostile environment for the women in the organisation by letting him get away with it.”?

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Whilst research shows women are the majority of victims of sexual harassment, it is obviously not exclusive, yet the majority of perpetrators are still men.??

“A video was taken of a couple of guys dancing topless at a work do (not a big deal for us) but it was then shared in the all-company Friday meeting for everyone to laugh at.”?

“My boss would regularly make crude jokes about my gay colleague’s sex life – my colleague would laugh along, but it often felt strained. I don’t think he’d have dared to direct the same brazen comments to the women in the office but somehow my colleague was fair game because he was a man.”?

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With the changing law in October, employers will have a legal duty to better protect employees against sexual harassment. Could the behaviours shared above be taking place in your workplace without your knowledge? What would you do about it?

To learn more about tackling non-inclusive behaviours, reviewing your policies in line with these legislative changes and creating a psychologically safe workplace for all, visit our website or additional articles on these topics:

Is your organisation ready for the Worker Protection Act?

What you permit, you promote: does your organisation’s culture enable sexual harassment?

Author’s note: The testimonials above come from cis women, in their own words. It goes without saying that sexual harassment is not unilateral and we acknowledge the diversity of genders across both victim and perpetrator.??