What I want to teach my daughter (and remind my Mom)

As a mom, I’m often thinking about how to raise my daughter to be strong, resilient, and independent. In addition to all the common things we teach our kids – to be kind, tell the truth, wash your hands, and mind your manners – there are a few lessons I’ve learned that I want my daughter to know to grow up confident and capable.?

You can do hard things. We don’t realize what we’re capable of until we have to do it. Battling an illness. Leaving a toxic job without a backup plan. 28 hours of labor. Trust that you will be able to rise to the challenge – and emerge stronger on the other side.?

Be more intentional in what you think. We all carry around beliefs and stories about ourselves that are based on outdated information and perceptions. The majority of our thoughts are negative, repetitive, and unconscious. It’s like having a software virus running in the background of your mind, causing damage and bogging you down. Become more aware of what you’re telling yourself. Examine it. Is it objectively true? Or is it a narrative that feels safe and convenient to blame? Own your thinking instead of being a victim of your thoughts.?

Ask for what you want. I learned this from a coworker early in my career. He got the approval to work from a different state, well before it was the norm, just because he asked. That lesson has stuck with me, and I’ve asked for all sorts of things, especially when negotiating job offers. You will likely have to be uncomfortable. But that discomfort might get you what you want. And the worst that can happen is that you get a no, which leads me to my next point.?

The worst that can happen is a feeling. So you feel embarrassed, scared, hurt, or discouraged after you put yourself out there. All of those are just emotions, driven by your thoughts. Once you recognize that it’s in your control to process your emotions, you become less afraid, can take bolder steps, and become more resilient.??

Trust that things happen for a reason. I was crushed when I didn’t get my dream job in advertising right out of school. Fast forward several months and the economy entered a recession, with lots of advertisers out of a job. I realized that it was a good thing I hadn’t gotten that job. Have faith that you are on the right path, even if you can’t see what lies ahead.?

Don’t settle. You are worth it, and you deserve to have what you want. Don’t settle for a spouse just to get married or a job just for a good paycheck. Keep putting in the effort to find what’s right for you. This is different than compromising or having unrealistic expectations.?

Don’t be afraid to bet on yourself. You’ll never regret learning what you’re capable of.??

People are not noticing you as much as you think they are. We can hold ourselves back by worrying too much about what others think. The irony is that no one is paying as much attention to you as you are. They are too busy worrying about what others think of them.?

Take risks. I see a lot of women who worry they might make a mistake with their next career move. Even if a decision doesn’t pan out the way you want, you’ll always learn something in the process. And you can always make a new decision. If you play it too safe, you’ll never expand what’s possible for your life.??

Savor your progress. You can be so focused on accomplishing a goal – and how far you are from that goal post – that you can forget to reflect on how much progress you’ve made. Recognizing the everyday wins fosters happiness, satisfaction, and confidence. It’s the journey of accomplishing the goal that’s the rewarding part. Because let’s be honest, as soon as you achieve your goal aren’t you already thinking about the next milestone??

To my own wonderful mom: thank you for making it possible for me to learn these lessons. I’m amazed at your courage to move to the U.S. so early in your adult life. You are the epitome of many of these traits in action.

I’m curious: what are some of the lessons you’ve learned that you want to pass down?

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