What I want and what my father needs?

There was a lot of "I" syndrome happening in my life this week, I, I and I. I had a serious case of the "I's" and "I" couldn't shake it. My dad was not himself this week, he was quiet, his laughter diminished, and when we sat outside he was somewhat despondent. My concern was expressed with those who care for my dad and I was so concerned I contacted his hospice team. I spoke to my fathers nursing home care team first, and asked specific questions, how is he eating, does he seem down, has he left his room, and so on and so on, they seemed bewildered I was asking those questions? Their response was your dad is fine, he is eating, he's left his room a few times, and he came out to watch television in the lobby, "OK I'm confused. Clearly what I was witnessing, they were not, and they didn't seem concerned at all. I then contacted his hospice team and I reported the same, and his music therapist, asked me this, "when you say, your visits are not the same with your dad, what do you mean and what do "YOU" want those visits to look like"?. I was speechless, because I thought, well "I" want him to smile and laugh, and "I" want to have a good visit. When I said those words, we began to discuss what's happening with my dad as "he" is facing the end of his life, and him turning inward, and that crushed me, because "I' need him to not turn inward, not to reflect on his life, or his time here, I, I and I. His music therapist rounded on me in a way to get the root of my "I'. She didn't have a script that met the needs of everyone she encounters, she asked me questions in a way of empathy, sympathy and to compassionately say, this is not about you right now, though you are being affected. She rounded on the little girl in me and the woman who has to face the inevitable. Because she has invested in knowing me, she was able to speak to me in a way that I could accept the value of her words. After that call I realized what the nursing home team was sharing with me, your dad is fine, in the way that he wants. I shared with a good friend of mine the conversation and asked for advice because her father passed recently. Her words were this, though you love your dad, this is his journey now, don't try to fix anything, just sit with him, in the state he's in. Though the smiles and laughs are diminishing, love has not. What have I learned? Not every patient needs a crossword puzzle, a long talk, survey questions, or anything else "I" may think they need, sometimes people just need your presence. As much as I round, and capture data, how many times do I sit in a room with a senior who is lonely, or with someone who misses their kids? The challenge for me is to be present! Rounding is new each and every day, and each person is different, but just be present.