What I Learnt From Therapy, When The Tables Turned.

June 10, 2019

As my first article, I made a looooong list of topics to select just the perfect one. Weeks passed by, I kept adding and removing new interesting themes to write about, but never arrived at that ultimate one. This is when it struck me, I've been doing exactly what I discovered is detrimental to my mental health in therapy, that is, aiming for perfection at the first shot.

Yes, you heard me right and you read my bio right. I'm a counselling psychologist who took therapy. I became the client and felt what's it like to be on the other side of the couch.

Why did I need it, you ask? Well as an individual who decided to take up and read about psychology in 8th standard itself, I was bombarded with statements that started with-

"Being a psychology student..."

"Being a mental health professional.."

"Knowing all about human psyche..."

All these statements and questions had the dotted line message You Have to be Perfect and Nothing Less. This put immense pressure on me to be flawless which was not at all the reality, and will never be. What people missed out is that, before being a psychologist I'm a human with my own experiences, personality, life path and baggage. It took me some time to realise a simple fact, I CAN GIVE TO OTHERS, ONLY WHAT I HAVE. This stayed with me. I told myself, "I can heal others only when I am healed" and went on a journey of self healing. I worked on myself with a therapist for good 8 months and it felt like a riding a roller coaster. In one session I was at the top my game and in the other, I was sitting in my balcony, sipping tea while listening to Lucky Ali and questioning my life choices.

This is when I knew, how difficult it is to be on the receiving end of my service. Having said this, I'll add just one line, every emotion, every breakdown, every thought, every insight and every learning that I had during these 8 months were WORTH IT.

Based on this experience, here's what I learned from therapy, as a client.

1. THERAPISTS ARE LIKE DOCTORS, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO TRY SOME BEFORE CHOOSING 'THE ONE'- I changed 3 therapists before landing THE ONE. Sometimes, I didn't connect with the person and the other times with their therapeutic modality. But, this didn't stop me. If we can take multiple opinions for our physical health then why not with mental health as well?

2. YOU'LL HAVE A LOVE - HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR THERAPIST- Your therapist will put limelight on parts that you don't want to acknowledge and that can create internal turmoil. But, always remember, they mean well.

3. YOU'LL FALL DEEP DOWN BEFORE RISING- What's therapy if you don't curse your therapist for making you feel extremely sad? Just kidding! Or am I? The crux is, when the power goes off, you might trip over stuff, break things or hurt yourself before getting the emergency light on or maybe the power comes back before going through all this pain. It depends on a lot of factors. So, just go with the flow.

4. PERFECTION IS A HOAX- Never in your life will you feel perfect. There'll always be something which is not 'good-enough' and you'll say to yourself "Life will be perfect, if I fix just this one thing" then the other, then the other and it never ends. So, all you gotta do is be content with what you are now, and aim at being better and better and better. Always remember, Best is the enemy of Better.

5. THE WORLD WILL MIRROR YOUR BELIEFS- You think you're unproductive, circumstances will be created where your boss will be absolutely authoritarian. You think you're not valuable, you'll make exchanges with people in such a way, that they end up using you as a doormat. But, if you think you're talented, unexpected opportunities will come up. You think you're beautiful, people will shower you with compliments. Period.

To conclude, therapy is beautiful. It makes you want to be better each day, every day. Although, therapeutic journey is like a trek. You'll get tired. You'll wish to go back. You'll question your decision to do it in the first place. But, all of this will fade and look petty when you reach the top.