What I Learned from a Year of Sobriety

Now in my 50s, I see mid-life as a wake-up call. Looking in the mirror, I didn’t like what I saw: a middle-aged man with thinning hair, bags under my eyes, coffee-stained teeth and usually drunk or suffering from a hangover much of the time. It seemed time and a bad habit had taken its toll.

I faced a simple choice: one path led to a healthier lifestyle and greater longevity, while the other led to a life weighed down by drinking. I realized that if I continued drinking regularly, my health would decline, and I wouldn’t live as long. With the support of my brother-in-law, I decided to quit drinking. At his encouragement, I also began attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings.

The results of a year of sobriety were what I expected: I’m healthier, I sleep better, I think more clearly, and I feel better overall. It took me six months to recover from the worst physical effects of drinking.

However, I also felt the lingering impact of 30 years of habitual drinking. Quitting didn’t magically transport me back to better days; instead, I spent a lot of time reflecting on my mental and physical health and my relationships. Alcohol had damaged all three.

What I understand now is that repairing the damage caused by alcohol takes longer than just a few months.

Alcohol preys on fear, insecurity, and self-doubt, using anxiety to convince me to drink for comfort. Learning to self-soothe without alcohol after 30 years is a significant challenge. Attending AA meetings helped immensely; I heard from others facing similar struggles and learned to confront my anxiety with courage. This laid the first stone in the foundation of my sobriety.

Here are the three steps I used to overcome what’s commonly known as a “dry drunk”—a person who stops drinking but doesn’t address the underlying issues that fueled the habit.

Step 1: I Asked for Help

My attendance at AA meetings was my way of asking for help. Initially, my ego insisted I could handle this alone. I quickly realized that quitting alcohol isn’t as simple as just stopping; it takes time and the support of others to rewire my brain and habits. In those first weeks and months, I struggled with the desire to return to my old ways.

Step 2: I Learned to Accept Help

Accepting help was challenging. It’s one thing to ask for support; it’s another to accept it. I learned to embrace the kindness of my family, who patiently lived with a cranky and anxious husband and father. I also appreciated the support from friends who created spaces where I could be alcohol-free during gatherings. Finally, I learned to extend kindness to myself, acknowledging my anxious mind and being compassionate even when my actions didn’t align with my intentions.

Step 3: I Learned to Act on That Help

This step required me to show compassion and empathy toward my family, offer kindness to strangers, and admit my frequent mistakes. Humility is crucial for sobriety; staying humble in my daily interactions usually leads to positive outcomes. I learned to listen before speaking, avoid judgments, and recognize that others might know better than I do. Embracing these truths consistently allows my words and actions to align with my integrity and purpose.

Sobriety is a lifelong journey. I recognize that I may not always make the right decisions in the future, but for now, I can celebrate a year of sobriety, having learned a tremendous amount about myself. Rewiring my brain has given me a brighter outlook for the future. Long-term sobriety brings a sense of serenity, a significant aspect of the AA program. This peacefulness is a reward for the hard work and dedication I’ve invested in my sobriety and makes me grateful. By soothing my anxiety and recognizing when I'm being selfish, I can better support my family and genuinely celebrate their achievements. As a middle-aged man who’s seen better days,this brings me immense joy.

?This article was edited for clarity by ChatGPT