What I learned from the tribe about the art of building community

I sat down together with June Benjamin as #PeaceFounders to reflect on our journey from being born in war to founding communities of peace. In today’s world the communities we build are digitally connected, but what methods and technology did we learn from our tribes in how to build community??

We have been friends for a while but just realized that we were both born on the way to refuge - literally while our families were fleeing civil war. It is a unique experience, being born at the moment of separation from community, from tribe, from a life that neither of us would have a chance to truly experience.?

June: I think about my family before the war, the beautiful home they were building in Liberia with a baby room in it for me. I think about how I will never be able to live the memories of peace they had with one another and our community. Do you ever think about what your tribe was like before the war??

Lual: Each tribe had their own way of life. My tribe was centered around livestock, their wealth was measured by what they grow, peace of mind, how much cattle they kept - They had a sustainable life. Peace was created by many people but mothers were the first to nurture peace in children. When children would cry or fight their mom would begin to teach them the dance of our tribe. The dance is formed by the spirit and essence-beat of the tribe so actually it's not just a dance, they are helping the child connect emotionally and socially to its community. You become adopted by the whole tribe and realize that you belong to them and feel at peace. But actually, my mother and father started our community. Originally, they belonged to different tribes but decided to start a new way of life, a new dance.?

At that moment we both realized another commonality that we had, both of our fathers had left their original tribes to lead their own communities. What inspires this spirit of leadership? How did this spirit pass down to us??

June: As a leader you have to be willing to accept that being the first person to make the wave towards something new will feel disruptive to the tribe at first. You go on a journey to let go of fear and trust that you will meet people on your path that will follow this way of life. When my father first left his father’s community there was both backlash and heartbreak. He was expected to ascend to his father’s position but he felt that his tribe rejected the way of life he wanted to teach. For example, he adopted human rights principles from his time abroad and even aspects of other religions that he wanted to share. But they were not having that lol. So he accepted this, and traveled somewhere new to start a different kind of peace.

Lual: And us too, you and I we traveled somewhere new too. When I first moved to the US it was difficult because there is not an organic sense of community, even where I live right now I don't know who is my neighbor. This is what I miss about the refugee camp. Even if you are hungry or don't have food to eat you know that you are not alone. This extends your life, it gives you love, connection, and hope for another day. What actually determines your future is the community that you build. How you go about building community here is different. It requires an understanding of what people are missing and creating a space where they can share that with one another.?

What we both have realized is that building community today is in many ways harder because you aren't just born into it, but in some ways it is fuller because we can reach people from around the whole world who want to co-create a life with you.?

Lessons that we have identified about the art of building community in today’s world:?

1. Connect with people you have shared ideas and experiences with. You don't have to connect over the fact that you are both refugees or your trauma, what's important is that your community cares about each other and wants to be an active creator for a better life for all.?
2. Create a solution for them that helps them. It's not enough to just be a celebrity and have a community of followers, you have to offer your community ongoing solutions to the problems they face. What is the value add of being apart of your tribe??
3. Allow your community to change you. Its important to allow co-creation of the community and shared definitions. We live in a world of creators and everyone (whether they have the capacity to fully lead or not) wants to lead! You must understand that you are building a community of creators and they want to make decisions that makes them feel that they belong.?
4. Be fearless. It's not an easy journey to lead something new and you will experience resistance. Its like a game of Jenga lol. You cannot operate from the feeling that you will fail, or you will. Share the results of your wins because you are helping others overcome their fear and seeing the wins helps them to keep their faith.?

Birth it on the way!?

To learn more: follow June Benjamin and Lual Mayen