What I learned from my 30 days in Facebook Jail.

Have you been there? You posted a statement or a post that you thought was funny or creative only to have the Facebook bots read it as something else. Immediately you get panicked as you get the dreaded warning screen that you "violated Facebook's Community Standards" and you can have the option to accept your punishment or challenge it. But unlike a court of law where you get a trial to explain yourself and prove your innocence, your plea goes into the abyss and you have to wait for a response from Facebook. My last stint in the slammer I got an email back saying that they didn't have enough people available to review my case. YES you read that right. I got a ticket and the cop didn't show up to court and I still have to do my time. SOOOO just good bye then??

As my time went on and I was not able to comment on any post or share my memories each day, which mostly consisted of different events of my son's life, I began to realize how much this platform controlled my day to day life. If you sit back and think about how many times you are forced to look at your phone because you want to see how many likes your comment got. How many people commented on that picture of tacos you just posted? The shot of dopamine directly to your brain to let you know that total strangers or your old homeroom classmate cares about what you shoved into your face the day before. The addiction to feel included is not new. We have strived to be loved all of our lives since we were born. It's one of the most primitive parts of our brain development. Social media has become an addiction the same way that street drugs rewire your brain to always want more. But this drug has everyone hooked and you didn't even see it coming. The worst part is that it is free and it is delicious. You don't think you're addicted? Lets play a game. What's the first thing you do when you wake up? Was the answer to check your phone? Scrolling through all of the ALERTS that happened overnight? Seeing if Suzie finally left that jerk of a husband she has been complaining about for the past 4 years? Nope, they got back together and everything is fine now. If that was your answer then "tell them what they won Johnny?" You've just won another minute of your time wasted on things that will not personally grow you in any way, shape or form. Congrats! We all have sooooo much time during the day, don't we?

When I first got on Facebook over 10 years ago, it was amazing. I was reconnecting with people from high school who I haven't seen in years. I was able to see their families, the places they have traveled to and what they have made for themselves. I had a very good core group of friends but now I can "talk to more people" and "grow my network." It's not all bad and the platform has been a tremendous help to me. I moved away from home 8 years ago and it has allowed me to stay connected with family and friends. I organized my 20 year high school reunion from a different state and was able to create a page for it on FB and keep everyone informed. The event turned out to be an amazing night and I even said, "how did people do this before Facebook?". I currently have 818 friends on Facebook. Over 800 people I am connected to and probably couldn't name off the first 100 if you held a gun to my head. That is actually nothing compared to the almost 2,700 I have on this platform. Now as we aimlessly scroll through all these posts as we eat our breakfast. Constantly moving our finger from the bottom to the top of our phone screen we have become a slave to the glow. Don't believe me? No matter where you are in the world right now stop reading and look around you. How many people are head down in their phones right now? As you gaze into the lifeless, backlit eyes of these strangers ask yourself what life was like before smart phones?

With technology now, we have the answer to any question we can possibly think about in the palm of our hands. I remember reading a meme (on Facebook) that said "I was a genius before Google was invented!" In other words, people believed what I said to be the truth before they could fact check me. I vividly remember being in elementary school and walking to the teachers desk asking her how to spell a word and she handed me the 50lb dictionary that was on her bookshelf. I then had to carry it to my desk and flip the pages to the letter, keep flipping to the beginning sound of the word and drag my finger down until I finally found the word I was looking for. Who knew the word "banana" had so many Ns and As in it? Now I can hit a button and ask Siri (who is my virtual personal assistant) to spell any word in the English language and magically it appears in seconds. I might have done this a few times writing this article. We also get aggravated when our voice to text doesn't capture EXACTLY what we are trying to say as we mumble through a sentence. We also have heart palpitations if a webpage doesn't load in 3 seconds. One of my favorite comedians did a bit on this and he said "It's going to space! Will you give it a second to go to space?" Not only are we (at first) amazed with what our phones can do, we are annoyed three seconds later that it is not working like it is supposed to.

Imagine what Einstein could have done with the knowledge we all have. Imagine what Jim Henson could have created with CGI. So what do we do with this unlimited power that we have? Do we watch a Masterclass or a Ted Talk on an area of our lives we are lacking? Do we use this to learn about different cultures, languages or societies around the world? Do we research ways to take us from where we are right now to goals and dreams we have for the future? Or do we take a survey on Facebook which tells us what kind of potato we are and then share that info 800 strangers. While in the background, our information is being shared and purchased to the highest bidder.

Is this really the best use of your time? I know I constantly come up with excuses why I can't get things done. I am gaining weight at an alarming rate. At this point I am trying to determine if it what I am eating or maybe I am pregnant. I used to be a certified personal trainer in a different lifetime 20 years ago. I have the knowledge of what to do and how my body works but I say "I don't have extra time to workout." Does this sound familiar? That's just one example but by being in Facebook jail I realized how much time I was wasting on social media. I only use Facebook and LinkedIn for social media. I have a Twitter account and a Snapchat account but I do not use those platforms. I believe the only picture I have on Snapchat is one of the back of my two year old son's head looking at a LEGO display of the Lincoln Memorial. The only reason that is the only picture is that it was for a contest. How many platforms do you use? I was only on Facebook scrolling and since I have been in jail I have spent more time on LinkedIn which in all honestly is probably a better use of my time to begin with.

Since I was "unjustly" thrown in the Facebook slammer and as I await my release in a few days I was able to take a step back and see the whole picture. I realized that when I am at work I am able to get more done because I am not checking my phone ever two minutes to see who commented or liked my post. I don't have my alerts on because that would be even worse to see that flash on my screen. Forcing me to open the platform and see what my 7th grade English teacher thinks about my trip to zoo and my picture with the elephants. We are all more productive when we are not distracted. Unfortunately social media has given us all a distraction and we have to keep feeding that monster in our heads to make sure we are not missing out on something happening in our lives. We can no longer sit quietly in a car and enjoy the scenery out the window. We can no longer sit with our families and eat a meal because there might be thirty seconds of silence where we need to fill it with some nonsense from someplace else.

What I worry about the most is what will this do to our kids and the future of this society. I remember a time before social media. I remember going outside and playing with my friends everyday. I used to get mad when my mom would call me into the house to eat dinner. I would be sitting at the table shoveling mac n' cheese into my face as I stared out the window to make sure that my friends were still out there playing. Then I would bust out the door and play until the streetlights come on. This helped me build so many developmental characteristics that would carry me through the rest of my life. My ten year old son struggles with this. He has a genius IQ but he has a hard time interacting with others. Making eye contact with people and stopping to acknowledge people (especially adults) doesn't come natural to him. He would rather spend all day playing video games then playing with the neighborhood kids. If it wasn't for my wife monitoring his screen time and forcing him out the door I don't know if he would ever run around the block. Maybe it is my fault. Thinking back to when he was a baby and I would give him my phone to watch a show as we waited for his food at a restaurant to keep him busy. His routine now is to watch YouTube videos in the morning before school and my wife has to tell him twenty-five times to brush his teeth before he walks out the door on time to catch the bus on time. Here is the scary thing. He doesn't have a phone yet and no social media accounts. What happens when he is enticed by the glow of the screen and the things that are problems now become amplified by a thousand? These are concerns that none of our parents had to worry about. This is a new frontier that we all have to learn as we go.

Now that my 30 days is almost up and I will be let back into the general population in four days time I wonder what will happen. We are all creatures of habit and it takes twenty-one days to create a new one. With me not being able to post or comment on friends posts it has forced me to not use the platform as much. I still wake up and check my phone. I get limited updates on certain people and comments now. Once the fine has been paid, will I go back to the delicious glow of the screen and feed that dopamine addiction which my body craves? I guess we will see.