What I Learned From A Military Tragedy

As we celebrate Veterans Day 2018, we will be honoring the personal sacrifices of the brave men and women of the United States Armed Forces. It is in this spirit, I would like to remember 47 brave crewmen of the U.S. Navy battleship USS Iowa (BB-61) – and the lifelong lessons their loss impressed on me. I remember them every April and I remember them on Veterans Day, and I hope you will join me in honoring them and the legacy they left behind.

On April 19, 1989, the Number Two 16-inch gun turret of the USS Iowa exploded, claiming the lives of forty-seven brave crewmen. The disaster was horrific. As one survivor later told The Washington Post, "Everything was on fire."

In fact, many of the fallen sailors were left unrecognizable to the naked eye, and their remains were taken to Dover Air Force base for identification. As the officer in charge of the X-ray team from the National Navel Medical Center in Bethesda, I held the sober responsibility of ensuring my team would correctly identify and reunite these service members with their families.

These men were strangers to my team and myself, but their experience was devastating even for us. Despite not knowing them, this experience reached into our souls, and all of us walked away forever changed by it. Here are three painful – but valuable and hopeful – lessons I learned from this experience I want to share:

1: Seek and accept qualified help when you need it.

Upon returning from this mission, many of my medical team staff members begin to suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from seeing, handling, and X-raying the remains of many badly burned and charred bodies.

I ordered the team to undergo and seek medical assistance to help cope with their anxieties; however, I didn’t seek any help for myself. As the leader in charge of this team, I felt I had a solemn obligation to show no sign of weakness, and I (wrongly) believed that asking for help meant weakness. My refusal to get help turned into a gigantic mistake, as I subsequently suffered from depression and alcohol abuse associated with this tragedy for years afterwards, intensifying every April. In fact, it took me more than twenty years to finally confront this issue head-on and address my struggle with alcohol, which I had become a master at hiding from family and friends.

If you are suffering from any psychological stressors, please seek help. Realize that it takes great strength of character and integrity to acknowledge you need help. If you think you or a veteran you know may be suffering from PTSD, you can visit the National Center for PTSD or the non-profit Wounded Warrior Project for more information and support.

2: Accept appreciation.

I love giving praise and encouraging others, and I often do so without a moment’s hesitation. But, like many people, I have always had a hard time accepting praise or recognition from others.

After this tragedy, the U.S. Navy awarded our team with the Navy Achievement Medal for our efforts to identify the remains in record time and with zero mistakes. Then and today, I remain proud of the rest of my team: their accomplishment allowed the family members who had suffered a tremendous loss to grieve and bury their love ones with great dignity and in a timely manner.

Yet I struggled to accept recognition for my own role, and for a long time, I refused to wear that medal. The letter accompanying the medal said, in part, "Ensign McGriff's unsurpassed loyalty and professionalism reflect great credit upon himself," but that sentiment felt false to me. I thought it was wrong for me to earn a medal for just doing my job, when the members who died that fateful day would never be with their families again.

It took me a long time, but eventually, I was able to accept the premise that the Navy had recognized our actions from a genuine spirit of thankfulness for our work. Learn to accept thanks and recognition in the spirit with which they are offered, without fearing you are undeserving.

3: Encourage others through the experiences of your own challenges or tragedies.

Many people are so busy creating false images of themselves, working to hide their flaws, chasing fame and fortune, that they miss opportunities to help others.

Sure, perfect people do not need help and encouragement, but who among us is perfect? Only when we share our flaws – and how we have overcome – can we help others to find optimism even in the face of seemingly hopeless situations. My role in the Navy helped me here; since I was assigned as a hospital administrator in the Navy, it made it much easier for me to encourage patients that our own response to life is the most important curative of all.

Be willing to share your strength with others, even (especially) when it comes to dealing with difficult situations. There is an unexplainable lift from burdens when you share honestly with others, and in the end, everyone ends up stronger for it.

No sacrifice is in vain if it helps others.

The sacrifices, hardships, and tragedies endured by many of our veterans and our families often remain invisible to the rest of the world. Yet, those of us touched by their lives will be left deeply affected, with opportunities to grow in character and spirit thanks to them.

On this Veterans Day, as we celebrate and honor the dedication of our nation’s veterans, service members, and their families, I hope you will join in me in taking a moment to reflect on the hard-won lessons and wisdom their work offers all of us. My prayer is that God blesses you and God bless America, Thank you!