What I learned from Michelle Obama about Becoming Me

What does a Former First Lady of the most powerful nation in the world and a girl from an island in the Pacific with an African-sounding name have in common?

That was the question I had when I first opened the pages of Michelle Obama’s memoir “Becoming”. I was pleasantly surprised to find that this larger than life woman was so relatable. Maybe what made her so relatable to me was how after graduating from Harvard Law at 25 years young, she chose to stay at home with her parents while working. Or maybe it was the simple way she fell in love with her husband, just a simple realization that – (in her own words) he’s a good person.

Here was an accomplished woman at 25 years young – a Princeton Sociology degree, a Harvard Law degree, a corporate lawyer. She checked all the boxes, she “made it” and yet she felt like she wasn’t where she was supposed to be. Although she wasn’t yet willing to admit this to herself until much later. She left her corporate law job to work in community development, taking an almost 50% pay cut in her first year working in the Mayor’s office.

 If that’s not courage, I don’t know what is - turning your back on security and comfort and walking towards an uncertain future, with no guarantee of success.

After a lot of soul searching she decided she wanted to work with children and young people, a passion she carried with her to the Whitehouse with her well-known initiatives – “Let's Move” and “Reach Higher”. Something she said about children that stayed with me was this

“...kids know at a very young age, when they’re being devalued, when adults aren’t interested enough to help them learn. Their anger over it, can manifest itself in unruliness”.

And this is what I found most relatable about Michelle, and what surprised me the most was that she too, like me, like many of us – struggled with being invisible. From her life, she experienced the invisibility that comes with being poor, female, and of color. She describes this in her memoir when she visited a school in England for underprivileged girls from ethnic minorities.

She observed the sad truth that despite their strengths these young girls would need to work hard to be seen. They’d have to push back against the stereotypes that would be put on them, all the ways they’d be defined before they had a chance to define themselves. They’d have to work to find their voices and not be diminished, to keep themselves from being beaten down. They would have to work just to learn.

Michelle reflects that although she was faced with the same disadvantages, by some chance of fate, some would call the grace of God - she was born into a good family to support, protect and affirm her. Her parents met as teenagers and stayed married for the rest of their lives until her dad died. Her parents and grandparents were raised in oppressive circumstances, where their disadvantages crushed their dreams and desires. But the beauty was their hope for something better was poured into their children “He [Michelle’s dad] died giving us everything” she wrote.

It was this seed that her parents planted that created a powerful woman who would make it her life’s purpose to be to children and youths what her parents had been to her – encouraging, affirming, and present. Over and over her message to young people was – we believe in you, we see you, you matter, you are important.

Michelle wrote the following statement, that stuck with me for days after:

“when you understand how ridiculously fortunate you are; you feel an obligation not to be complacent.”

It’s downright criminal that many people from a young age, are not given this affirmation. Are not meant to feel like they are worth something. Women also who lack this affirmation as girls can end up in their adulthood in toxic relationships which further kills their hopes and purposes. And as Joyce Meyer says “hurting people, hurt people”. It is a vicious cycle of indifference, that can kill the potential in a whole generation. A cycle that can only be stopped when someone makes a decision to care.

Care enough to say “I know you hurt me but I will not hurt someone else because of that. It stops with me.” Care enough to be to someone else, what no one had been for them – a mother, a father, a mentor, a teacher, a sponsor, a friend. Care enough to stop criticizing and to ask instead “What can I do to help?”. Care enough to refuse to do nothing.

The world is full of critics and not enough volunteers.

To be involved is an immensely tiring thing but also wholly joyful and satisfying. Michelle expressed this in her observations of her husband, Barack Obama, how his unyielding determination to believe in the goodness of humanity often left him tired but happy. And in his quest for the Presidency, she asked herself in her unwillingness to participate in politics after years of community organizing - “Am I just tired or afraid”?

It is easy to criticize but in order to get involved, a person needs to be empowered first.

I pondered this in reading about the government affairs of America and how Michelle described their campaigning and government systems, I realized a lot of what makes America great is that they have a population who are voluntarily involved. They organise their campaigns, raise billions for campaigns from regular citizens, create a wholly united front and “go to war” in the campaigns.

This spirit of excellence and a drive “to do more” was seen in the effort of Michelle’s mother when she was in second grade. Her mother took it upon herself to lobby the school for a better teacher and a better class for her daughter and other high performing students. A simple initiative by a concerned mother that influenced the trajectory of a child’s life.

I have no doubt that simple initiatives by normal people can change lives.

Whether this initiative is a simple community event, a business idea, or just an attempt to be more involved in family life. Often the problem is we expect someone else to do it for us, and in doing so, are we not guilty of neglect through omission? The age-old injustice of good men standing by and doing nothing.

I think about my country and our rich heritage, how we have been independent for 45 years, but have inherited an entitlement mindset from 99 years of colonial rule. Our generation is becoming more enveloped in becoming self-reliant, but at what cost to our fellow man? What is the use of success if it helps no one but yourself? It’s that beautiful challenge posed by President John F Kennedy in the 60’s – ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. 

We see the world the way we are and what I learned from Michelle Obama about Becoming Me is that there is nothing wrong with my story.