What I Learned From Losing My Sister...

One time I lost my little sister at a campground in Washington, D.C. Well, technically my brother was my coconspirator and he was just as much to blame. That didn’t stop my mom from wanting to murder us both (clearly my sister, MoMo was the favorite).

Okay, more on that in a second! Why am I about to tell you a story about losing my sister when she was under the age of 5 in a random campground about 550 miles from home? And how in God’s name does this have anything to do with business?! Because 1) in business (and in life) things are never as good as they seem and at the same time, they are never as bad as they seem either…and 2) because it’s funny!

Alright, let’s do this. How did my brother and I ALMOST pull off the perfect “get rid of your little sister” scheme? Well, let’s start with how annoying she was as a kid. Guys, I’m not being mean here…she was such a drama queen!!! Although, later in life she became a phenomenal actress, so it all makes sense now. But we could do the most innocent thing in the world (like borrow her dolls and put them in an extremely safe location…obviously for their own protection) and she would erupt in a dramatic “MOMMMMM They kidnapped my dolls! They probably destroyed them AND will never give them back as long as I live!!”

Or you know, she’d get caught in the middle of one of our epic sword fights. Obviously, the most important thing to do when camping is to find that perfect stick; the one that looks like a sword. Then help your brother find one, too. Then have a massive battle! Right? That’s what everyone does…I think? Anyway, it’s not our fault that she would get in the middle of the fight every once in a while! We’d be minding our own, peaceful, business and here she comes…running shoulder-first directly into our soft, child-friendly, safe-for-all-ages, perfectly sword-shaped stick. And WE’D be the ones who would get in trouble!!! Can you believe that?!

See, I had to write two whole paragraphs about this so that you understood why it wasn’t 100% our fault for losing her. She was totally to blame.

So there we were, camping just outside of Washington D.C. in a lovely campground full of sword-shaped sticks! The area of the campground we were in was simple, there was a road that wrapped in almost a perfect circle around the campground and made for a perfect walking path. My mom let us go for a quick walk. My brother and I went to head out (probably with an ulterior motive to find a few new swords for our collection) when we get a message from the higher-ups (Mom and Dad). “Take your sister with you!”

Crap. There goes the fun. Now we have to babysit.

So we headed out. All three of us (really more like two and a half of us since she was still really young and small). I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I believe the conversation went something like “race you to the other side!” then a “OKAY!” followed by a “Better keep up, MoMo!” (MoMo is our sister) as we took off on a full sprint. Again, for the record, we did warn her that she’d have to keep up. That was VERY kind of us.

So a few minutes later we show back up at the camp site. Ready to celebrate my victory in the race, I see my mom running towards me. I assume she’s there to lift me onto her shoulders and parade me around like I just won a gold medal in an Olympic race!!! “WHERE IS YOUR SISTER?!”

Seriously?! It’s all about HER again?! Ugh.

“I don’t know. Somewhere back there? She wasn’t fast enough.”

Seemed logical in my head…

“She wasn’t fast enough?! She’s FIVE!”

Suddenly it started to make sense… panic started to creep in as Mom and Dad frantically started running through the campgrounds calling her name. At this point, my brother and I realized we should probably help. Maybe if we discovered her first, we could save a little face. So we tried to help (after all, nothing bad was going to happen – we had our stick swords…we were basically heroes already).

My mom and dad stormed through the camp, wanting to bust into any and all tents in the campground. They took at least one or two full laps before they realized there was another loop in the campground.

Don’t worry. We found her! She had wandered into another loop and was screaming and crying walking around that loop (I’m surprised we couldn’t hear her all the way back at our campsite – I’m not joking when I say she was the loudest crier ever!). But we did find her, brought her home safely, and I’ll leave it up to your imagination as to what happened to my brother and I at that point….

So, what in the world am I talking about?! Why is this business-related AT ALL?!

It’s so easy to get caught up in the little things. You misspell a word on a Facebook post, you lose a paying client, one of your employees doesn’t come into work on a day when you need them…in the moment it feels like the world is crumbling down and you don’t know how you’ll weather the storm! But it’s never as bad as it seems (and it’s never as good as it seems either).

When we were camping, I’m sure my parents told us we weren’t allowed to do something (like catch a salamander and keep her as a pet) and we thought “this is the end of the world! It’s not fair!!” We probably even threw a bit of a temper tantrum. But then we lost our sister. As much as I paint her to be a little devil in this story, I promise I love her. And in that moment I realized how much I loved her. I realized how little everything else mattered and how finding her was the only important thing in the entire world. 

I’m sure you’ve felt it before. You are working on a huge project, you get right to that last page and BOOM your computer crashes. You didn’t save the file. The world has come to an end. Life is over. You feel like everything has come crashing down on you.

It sucks. Yes. Everything sucks when it doesn’t go your way! But I promise you, it’s not the worst. Your life is not over. In the grand scheme of things it was probably one project out of many. One project, on one day, in one month, of one year, within your multi-year career.

Don’t let it ruin your day! I promise, it could be worse! There could be a worldwide pandemic that forces businesses to close their doors…or something crazy like that.

See! It could be worse. So, my point here is to take the high road and get through the small stuff. Understand that it SUCKS – but also understand that if you dwell on it, if you waste your time complaining, it’s only putting you behind.

One of my favorite coaches of all time, Lou Holtz, famously said “don’t tell your problems to people: eighty percent don’t care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them!”

It can always be worse.

So, to get personal for a section of this: I, too, felt like the world came crumbling down on me this past year. In February of 2020 my wife and I found out we were pregnant with our first child. If you are a parent and you are reading this post, you know the joy of that moment!

A few weeks later, my wife called me for a personal reason and we rushed in for an appointment with her Doctor. When she picked me up from work she asked “Andrew, is everything alright with your face?!” I told her it wasn’t nice to make jokes about my funny looking face, but then said in all honesty my face was feeling weird that day.

So, we continued on to her appointment and the doctor met with us to assure us of the baby’s good health. She took us into an ultrasound room, turned on the speakers, and let us hear the heartbeat. I’m not going to lie – that was an unreal moment! She told us the projected due date was Halloween, so we nicknamed our little baby “Pumpkin” at that time.

We went home and my wife asked about my face again. She convinced me to go to the walk-in clinic. I drug my feet and threw a temper about going, but I did it anyway. As soon as we got to the clinic the doctor met me at the door. She quickly ran 3 tests and then said “You need to go to the ER. You might be having a stroke.”

Wait. What?

We rushed over to the ER and long story short, it was NOT a stroke. It was something called Bell’s Palsy. Basically, half of my face was paralyzed and would remain that way for an undisclosed timeframe. I run a company. I am the sole salesman. How am I supposed to meet clients with half a face?!

This was the beginning of March. So, if you pay attention to the World news, you know that this also coincided with the beginning of this thing called “Coronavirus”.

The following week we had another scare with my wife, spent six hours in a hospital, and found out again that the baby was okay, but there were a few other issues we’d have to deal with. No big deal, we were just happy Pumpkin was okay. The following day we went to the OB/GYN for a follow up from the ER and this time it wasn’t so exciting. The doctor informed us that we would lose our Pumpkin within the week.

Wait. What?!

I’m sorry, Doc, but you must be wrong! I’m sorry Doc, but you aren’t watching your business and other businesses collapse under a worldwide pandemic. I’m sorry Doc, but you aren’t struggling with a stupid face deformity. I’m sorry Doc, but you didn’t struggle for over a year with pregnancy, see specialists, and aggressively pray multiple times per day for this moment. I’m sorry Doc, but you are wrong!!!

Three days later we lost the love of our life. We lost our Pumpkin.

That same week I lost 60% of my company.

That same week I had to make some of the hardest decisions of my life.

But here’s the thing…that wasn’t the end of me. What did I say before? Things are never as bad as they seem. It could always be worse.

One of my best friends in the world called me that week to let me know that his father was passing away. At the same time his business was closing due to coronavirus and he was laying off tons of employees. At the same time his 1-year-old son was going into surgery.

Wow. My problems all of a sudden didn’t feel like they were the worst. They felt miniscule. They felt manageable.

I talked to others who were cancelling weddings, closing companies, laying off loyal and loving employees, losing loved ones, experiencing similar losses to ours, etc. All of a sudden I realized – it could be worse.

I took that time to count my blessings, pick myself up, and make the most of my situation. There was nothing I could do about the loss of our first child. But I knew I could fix my business. I knew I could use the quarantine to bounce back stronger than ever!

Today, we are back. My face is back to normal. Our company is fully back to 100%. We are thriving again and we are not holding back.

My wife and I are not pregnant, but we know that’s in God’s hands and we are at peace with that.

I promise you, it’s never as bad as it seems. You can find beauty in tragedy. You can make the most of your situation and learn. You can grow and become stronger. Don’t dwell on it! You WILL be better because of it.

Next time something hits you in the face like a ton of bricks and you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, take a step back and say “hey, it could be worse!” then hit that obstacle in the face with your perfectly sword-shaped stick and move on!

YOU are stronger than you think. You can absolutely CRUSH your challenges. Don’t let your challenges be your crutch. Let your challenges shape you, mold you, and make you stronger.

I’ll leave you with this one quote. This quote gets me through all of my challenges in life. I hope it can help you too:

“I used to think I could shape the circumstances around me, but now I know Jesus uses circumstances to shape me.”

- Bob Goff