What I Learned From Being An Over-functioning Middle Child

No one arrives into midlife with kids wanting to be overwhelmed or stressed. Many of us don’t realize how we overfunction and produce to keep things running in our personal and professional lives.??

We may not be aware of this about ourselves. We can lose the peace within ourselves and motherhood highlighted all the parts of myself that needed an overhaul and healing for my future wellbeing.?

So how do you arrive into burnout??

It’s usually an accumulation of nuanced factors that you can’t necessarily pinpoint or just ‘fix’. As I sit today now, years on the other side of burnout, I can honestly share that I hope to never go back to that state I was in. With recovery, practice, and mindfulness about the intersection of all the pieces in my personal and professional life, it takes less effort to get back on track now.?

?It wasn’t one factor, one situation, or an imbalance in me.? It was a myriad of things that slowly burned its way through me. I know that women in particular walk a very slippery slope in their childbearing years where if we are not careful, the long term damage can affect us negatively in small and big ways.? It touches every part of our life.?

For me, it began with my first maternity leave.

And then happened again with my second maternity leave. I was already depleted physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But the voice in my head was that we had a mortgage, bills, and a family to support.? My wellbeing wasn’t going to be at the center.?

There were external factors, internal factors, lack of support, and systematic issues that made me slip through the cracks. And the stress and overwhelm ensued over time.

The elephant in the room was the lack of support in so many areas after becoming a parent.

Yes, practical support like house cleaners, outsourcing, money, and resources would have been tremendous.

But, it was also the emotional support. The immense mental and emotional load it is and was to carry juggling work and raising a young family.?

Building your family with work is messy.

I was t’d up for burnout because of who I was and am.? I also believe my familial make up and my circumstances contributed to the hamster wheel life as well.? It was a cycle of producing and running on fumes despite my wellbeing going down the tubes.?

In reflecting on my own burnout experience and postpartum years with my young children, I’ve learned that if I had intentional and incremental support along the way, my mental and emotional? state would have been so much better. I also would have felt seen, supported, and less alone in the process.

It wouldn’t have just been in the ‘newborn’ phase.? It was the months and years thereafter.?

Frankly, I’m still in it now.??

I am a recovering people pleaser. I learned young to be strong and suppress my emotions.? And, to put others before me.? My mom’s side of the family has always “ran” off of nervous and adrenaline energy. Their nervous systems are not regulated.??

That made me a prime candidate to live in fight or flight mode in my postpartum years. I also had insomnia, anxiety, and depression.?

After you bring your babies home, no one is telling you about your nervous system and how to take care of it.

When I was pregnant with my second, I was petrified about how I was going to juggle two under 3. The thought of returning to work with a long commute and my pump bags sent me over the edge.

My fate kept me in that state of fear, overwhelm and stress.

My circumstances aren’t just mine, many go through this.

It’s the lack of support in the ongoing process.? Once you have babies and thereafter, you still need support.?

I didn’t choose burnout but I was a prime candidate for it.

Everything had to crumble in my personal and professional life for me to anchor in on my physical, mental and emotional health.? It was a radical journey forward to prioritize myself and my needs.??

It took boundaries, support, inner work, therapy, outsourcing, changes, adjustments, and a healthy dose of progress over perfection. I also had to do what worked for me, not what society and the previous generation expected of me.

I find that for most women and people that become parents, the change and shift is monumental.??

They often aren’t looking for their lives to ‘improve’ overnight.? But, kindness and support for these shifts and years makes a huge difference.?

We need to validate the experience.

I think for most young working parents today, they are looking to be connected, validated, and supported. That is hard to find in a world that is constantly producing and expecting us to be so much more than is feasible in this lifetime with our current circumstances.??

So if you find yourself in the messy middle of life and career, follow along or send me a message. I’d love for you to be a part of my community.?

You are never alone, you will always be validated here, and my well of compassion is far deeper than the judgment that runs far and wide online. ?

Join my community!?