What I Learned From 40 Women Over 4 Days While Sheltering in Place

This weekend I had the best video-conference calls of my life.

I say this after 2 months of being holed up in our in-law-turned-home-office unit sitting on Zoom calls from 7 am through to 6 pm most days with forced breaks to make sure my legs haven’t grown roots. Coming into this weekend, you could have told me I could meet my hero Jean-Luc Picard by video conference and I might have rolled my eyes and gone back to binge-watching Netflix.

What were these amazing calls? They were calls with my tribe – a network of women developed through HiPower. HiPower is an executive women’s program that is part of UPWARD Women, a national non-profit organization. We started as a group of 10 women eight years ago.

This weekend, over 40 of us were supposed to get together – in person – for our annual Spring Refresh full day event.  Well the only groups of 40 people getting together these days are coronavirus lockdown protesters. So we did what everyone else is doing and turned it into a virtual event. We split the event up over 4 days and built a creative schedule that was a combination of break-out rooms, walking-while-zooming, large group presentations, and virtual cook-a-thons.

Here’s what I learned from 4 days, 40+ women and nearly 3 months of sheltering in place. 

It’s not the social-distancing rules that are keeping us apart and isolated. It’s our own fear of really connecting with people and letting ourselves be vulnerable.

Connecting in these Virtual Times

For many of us, that word – vulnerable – has no place in our professional lives, and perhaps only a very small place in our personal lives. We’re taught to be confident – or at least act the part. We’re taught to show what we know, to present our best selves. Yes, these are important qualities to develop but we have fallen into the trap of believing that we must constantly put ourselves on display only in that way.

This need to portray ourselves as perfect has probably always been there. But technology has exacerbated it. This isn’t news. Everyone talks about our tendency to present a hyper-idealistic version of ourselves online. 

With many people now connecting mostly through video conferencing technology, we have a choice to make. Will we park video conferencing squarely in the online world where we only show up as our idealized selves? Or will we allow ourselves to show the vulnerabilities that really allow us to connect as human beings?

The Raw Power of Being Real

Showing vulnerability takes courage. It opens you up for people to hurt you. But it also opens you up for people to understand you, to admire you, and to be inspired to follow you – which is to say that it opens up the opportunity for you to be a leader.

So back to this weekend. I’ve always known our HiPower tribe of women executives were leaders. But their leadership was on display in full force this weekend. Even though we couldn’t be together physically, everyone extended their trust into the virtual world and showed up as their real selves, not as their social media bylines. Women told their stories. Stories ranging from overcoming dangerous situations, to navigating new business models, to finding peace in the art and music around us. Our stories are raw, they are moving, they are inspiring.

And they are something more. 

Our stories of vulnerability are the fuel that drives us to continue to say and stand by the four most powerful words in leadership:

I have your back.

Imagine if you worked as part of a team where everyone truly had everyone else’s back. That’s a team I’d be loyal to. That’s the HiPower team. And that’s why I call us a tribe.

That this tribe of women can continue to connect and inspire in this way through 8+ hours of video conferencing over 4 days after so many months of talking to people through screens is a testament to their courage and their leadership.  

It has been a fabulous weekend. Thank you HiPower for trusting me with your stories. I have your back.