What I Learned . . . . . Confrontation It's Not Always Bad
Confrontation in my world has always been worse than a 4 letter word, it is something that causes anxiety and triggers my flight reflex. With age and experience I have gotten better, but I have never intentionally set out to address it specifically personally or professionally.
Over the years I have found ways to diffuse, redirect or in some cases avoid confrontation. I have associated confrontation with chaos and aggression. Well last week I came across this article by A. J. Devaux on medium.com, "Why Confrontation is Good". The author brought up some great points about the benefits of confrontation including speaking up, being honest and up front. In many ways I internalize and that is not healthy or productive, especially in a world where we are expected to interact and thrive with all different types of people and personalities.
So my work in progress is to work against my natural tendencies to retreat and fall into the background and assert myself into what I used to perceive as confrontational events, when the reality is they are just a part of life and working with people. An article by Amy Morin on PsychologyToday.com gave some really good practical advice and reminders.
- Identify the problems with being a pushover.
- List what you might gain by speaking up.
- Reconsider your assumptions about confrontation.
- Address one issue at a time.
- Stick to “I" statements and work on staying calm.
- Keep practicing one small step at a time.
So 2020 is the year I am intentional about addressing this, I have gotten better, but it is something I need to really put effort into and embrace. #3 on Ms. Morin's list is probably the hardest one for me, but reconsidering my assumptions about confrontation is the one that will make the other ones easier.
Learning how to embrace my own personal approach to confrontation is something that I am working on and will continue to develop and I truly appreciate the words by A. J. Deveaux at the end of the article, that it is ok to pick your battles. :)
Product Owner/Trusted Advisor 30 years in Aviation
5 年There is a phrase that I have learned to adopt. I approach people with constructive feedback, instead of constructive criticism. It sets the tone.
Flight Attendant at Southwest Airlines
5 年Hi Lee. I agree that confrontation is a necessary part of life.? But, as an inflight crewmember who is a captive in a long aluminum and steel tube with three other crew members for up to three days or 175 passengers for up to six hours, I have learned to Pick My Battles (wisely as Devaux's article suggests).? Previously, where I would initially confront someone at the first provocation, I am re-training myself to bite the bullet, swallow my pride, and control my own emotions to avoid a snap, confrontational response unless I believe I need to confront? immediately for purposes limited to safety.? So, there are now situations that I won't respond to in a confrontational manner where I previously would have done so.? This late life change has pushed me into becoming a student of emotional intelligence, teaching me how to identify my emotional response tendency and preventing my own emotions from hijacking my rational thought process (think Road Rage!).? In other words, I acknowledge, frequently apologize, listen, and shut up!? I apologize for this lecture, but this is a difficult Learn for me.? Talking about it helps to reinforce my conviction.? In fact, the more I study emotional intelligence, the more I realize that it is also a neglected but important topic in Crew Resource Management.? Thank you for your post.? ?Centerline and Fly Safe!
Management & Program Analyst at United States Citizenship & Immigration Services
5 年I think we all struggle with confrontation. I never liked talking about problems, but not speaking up is unhealthy to the body both physically and mentally. In the past, I would avoid confrontation. Now I let things settle and try to find a solution with the individuals. Making peace shows you’re the bigger professional/person.