What I learned about Big Changes

When is the right time to change?

We all silently ask ourselves this question at some point. We lie awake at night and ponder. 

I can tell you that because I’ve coached hundreds of people. Each of them had a circumstance they wanted to change and a gnawing sense that things weren't quite right.

For some, it's a job that is no longer fulfilling. For others, it's a personal goal they want to reach. For many more, it is a hazy vision of a better future.

I’ve been there. I had a job I loved for many years. I liked the people I worked with. But, somewhere in the back of my mind there was a pesky little voice saying, “There’s more out there.” I knew I wanted to be a coach.

I ignored that voice for a long time. Truthfully, that voice scared me to death. Or, more literally, into inaction.

Depending on the day, the voice was either a liberator or a tormentor.

It was a delicate dance. The revolutionary side of my personality courted the voice like a siren song. Tell me again your dreams of freedom! 

My logical side wanted the voice to shut up. Things are perfectly fine like they are; why do you want to stir up trouble?

So weeks, months, and years went by while I wondered what to do about this pesky problem. Heed the voice or kill it?

Or the third option… ignore it while secretly hoping that the voice would either go away or become strong enough to spark transformation.

Unfortunately, the “ignore it” option became part of my operating system for years. It was hard-wired. 

Living with the voice was a full-time job, and I was good at it.

Until one day I crossed an invisible line. Suddenly, the “go for it” voice drowned out the “stay put” voice. I knew I had to act, and I did. 

To the people around me, it looked like I made an impulsive decision. How could you walk away?

In reality, it had been baking forever.

Here’s the catch: I still wasn’t ready. Not even close. 

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It’s human nature to stall. We crave the safety of what we know. If living our dream seems like flying to the moon, we will usually opt to keep our feet on the ground.

I had an A+ grade in dreaming but a D in preparation. I had been disregarding the voice instead of getting ready for the day that it would take over, and there was a price to pay.

It’s easy to ignore the need for change, especially when your only two options seem to be “status quo forever” or “sudden and inalterable massive action.”

That’s the kind of thinking that either keeps you trapped or prompts you to launch before you’re ready.

I find that people who stay stuck are never truly happy. The rest of the world might not see it, but inside they feel like they’re never quite enough. There are few things more internally crushing than knowing you have unused potential.

“What if?” is a cruel daily companion.

Conversely, those who jump too quickly can sabotage their odds of success. It took me a long time to get to where I would have been if I had been taking consistent small steps before I launched.

Your dream will likely take time. Committing yourself before you have the necessary resources will set you up for failure and self-doubt. It can make you feel like you’re not good enough, even though you’d be beyond capable with the right tools and enough runway.

I ran a marathon several years ago. Everyone assumes running the marathon is the hardest part. They ask, “How did you run 26.2 miles?” But that’s the wrong question.

If you prepare correctly, the marathon is easy. 

Excitement is in the air on race day, people are cheering you on, and you’re ready.

The hardest part? Clicking the registration button months ahead of time. It was terrifying to know that I was committing myself to a goal many people consider crazy and an outcome that I wasn’t sure I could achieve.

The second hardest part? Training when no one else sees you or even cares that you’re moving forward.

Running when everyone is cheering for you? Easy and fun.

Getting up at dawn to run when it’s cold and rainy and every ounce of your body wants to put your head back down on the pillow? That’s the tough part. Do that enough times and you’ll build enough physical and mental toughness to make race day seem like a piece of cake.

It’s the same for any goal achievement. The secret lies in six words… 

Empowering beliefs → Consistent actions → Big goal

When you’re thinking about thinking about change, start with your beliefs. Get unflinchingly honest with yourself. 

Why haven’t you acted yet? 

What’s really holding you back? 

The answers to those questions won’t come easily. You might have to disregard the first lies you tell yourself.

But the truth is empowering. Only when we corner our unhelpful beliefs and size them up can we begin to change them.

And when we begin to change them, the right actions start to reveal themselves. Choose the smallest one to start with.

The hardest part about training for a run is getting out the door. The hardest part of achieving a goal is the first step in the right direction. And then following it up with a second one.

Because that’s when it becomes real. And that’s when you start to realize that you have the capacity to do exactly what you intended.

The right time to change? When you’re ready.

The right time to start to get ready? Now.

Learn more about Brian's work at www.brianrollo.com/resilience