What I learned after 24 Hours NOT Speaking (while in a 3-day Conference)

While on an amazing 3-day unconference called Agile Lean Europe (ALE) 2019, which happened in the beautiful and inspiring old Customs building in sunny Porto, Portugal, I had this crazy idea of not speaking for 24 hours.

This article is a conversation: between me and you the reader and especially the people who attended the conference and had any interaction with me during that 24 hour period. Feel free to comment, share, disagree, and state what you think, feel or want to do after reading this.

How did it all begin?

In a session of Day 2, “Leading Upwards” by Olaf Lewitz, I raised a point about how much primacy we give to our thinking and analytical brain, forgetting and neglecting the other 2 we have: the emotional and the instinctive ones. I questioned why we forget that agility is a lot about experimenting first and learning later, not the opposite.

Olaf challenged us to devise experiments we could try without too much planning and thinking. At that moment I noticed how talkative I was since the start of the unconference, reminding me how important is to be present and really listen to others (especially as a Coach). That gave me a sudden desire to stop speaking, so I raised my hand and said:

“Starting now, I will stop talking for 24 hours!”

People started asking me some clarifying questions, which I just replied with nods and gestures. Markus Wissekal shows me he set up an Alarm to count the remaining time... the clock was ticking!

How the 24 hours went by?

Spoiler alert, I said 9 words in the 24 hours silence period in 5 different situations:

1. Saying "UK?" after Georg Fasching said he was receiving a call from an unknown UK number
2. Yelling "CAREFUL! to Georg while he crossed the street (and almost getting hit by a car)
3. Saying "Cool" to Georg after hearing the plan for one of his sessions
4. Having a conversation about kids and moving house in a group (with Georg present)
5. Another moment I don't remember, but that for sure included Georg

You can clearly see this it's entirely Georg ‘s fault that I failed (hahaha just joking, mate). I also texted some people who wanted to talk with me from outside the conference (wife included) explaining the situation. Other than that, texting or writing felt a little bit like “cheating” so I avoided as much as possible (Georg was constantly reminding me about it too). Below is a little summary of the major milestones:

First seconds of the experiment:

Immediately after I stopped talking, I felt: fear, panic, shame, guilt, pride, powerful, fearless, powerless. All different thoughts came to my mind: "Ok, that was really impulsive! How are you going to enjoy the conference? Ow damn it, I promised I would have dinner with Georg tonight, will he be upset? What is the reason I’m doing this anyway?"

My Coaching study and work are a lot influenced by the Enneagram, which is an ancient and millenary knowledge about what are the different phases of transformation, development, and what really motivates people.

My personality type (out of the 9 existing) is motivated by receiving approval and recognition from others, so I started to question myself:

“Should I really continue with this challenge? Am I really into this or is this me again looking to appear successful to others? What if giving up is exactly the most human and humble thing to do? Would I appear successful by recognizing that this is harder than I anticipated (kinda like: Fail fast, learn fast)?”

It was one of those moments that you get lost in your own thoughts that seems to take an incredibly huge amount of time, but only seconds pass. Basically, I was suffering from the very same thing I raised in the middle of the session: about being “controlled” by our analytical brain, overthinking things and anticipating all possible scenarios, before even trying.

I told my mind to shut up and continue with the experiment. Worst case scenario it would be for just 24 hours, and for sure I could laugh about all that would happen during it.

People who were not in the session approached me to ask some questions and I started to sign that I could not speak. I had to turn to Olaf and call him to explain what was happening, where he wisely suggested I should have a Post-It on my chest explaining the situation to make it easier.

First 2 hours of the experiment:

A lot of people would bump into me in the corridors or sessions and start talking normally, noticing something strange and then seeing me pointing into the Post-It note, read it and present one or more of the following reactions:

• Burst in laughter,
• Get confused,
• Ask me the reasons why doing it,
• Stop talking and leave,
• Encourage me,
• or discourage me…

Many of them would assume since I could not speak they could not speak! I wanted them to speak with me, I just could not reply with words. Conveying and sharing a message with only signs was hard as hell, but soooo funny. It felt like being in a Pictionary marathon on the Hardest Level!

When things would get really frustrating, I would include someone else passing by to increase the odds of success or call someone who made that question before and got the answer, speaking on my behalf. Other times I would just give up and tell people to reach out to me after the silence period was over.

After 2 hours of the experiment:

It was only after 2 hours that I noticed something: my mind was quiet. It was so strange! I would hear people talking and there was no inner voice speaking things to me, judging what the person was saying, thinking about what to say next, nada, zero.

I was fully present and truly listening to what they were saying! I would say something (with signs) from time to time, but other than that, my mind was a pure void, being filled and absorbing everything that was being transmitted to me.

2 to 9 hours of the experiment

In those hours, I:

• attended sessions,
• talked without talking (a lot, according to Przemek Bednarek),
• played a silent communication game (kudos Nancy Beers),
• Learned West Cost Swing dance with Geoffrey Etwein,
• performed in the PPT Karaoke organized by Markus Wissekal together with Christian Zenker about “Tips from the Police to avoid being robbed!”,
• had a walk around the city, dinner, philosophical conversations and attended a party with Georg Fasching,
• had a ride in a taxi back to the Hotel (well it was an Uber called by Georg, made things easier),
• and asked for my room keys... without no speech at all, only signs.

As I laid in my bed, my mind was clear, open, fully awake and at the same time in profound peace. Everything was still so vivid in my head, and experimenting all these things gave me two new perspectives: 

1. Everything is much more intense and fulfilling when we perceive all the small details more vividly and intensively while having our mind... quiet.
2. Everything is harder, and the world does not seem ready or adapted for those who are outside the discriminating spectrum of what we believe it’s “normal”.

17 to 24 hours of experiment

I woke up and went out for a run at 7 am with Georg and Léo Davesne around Porto and Gaia riverside. While running we chatted, and had the chance to see one of the most incredible sunrises ever! Maybe the sunrise was the same as always, but my “eyes” certainly weren’t.

On the way back I stopped at a restaurant and asked for a glass of water from the tap (in Portugal tap water is really good and drinkable, people will normally give it to you for free). The lady offered me a Water Bottle instead, and while I tried to make gestures stating that tap water was fine, she insisted I should accept.

Walking back to the hotel, something else happened for the first time: random people would suddenly look at me, smile and nod... I could not explain what it was! Maybe by feeling so open and present, that may have triggered those unexpected and unplanned acts of kindness from others. Who knows ;)

I checked out of the hotel, ordered breakfast, got into a taxi, attended more sessions, talked with even more people (which by now already knew that I could not speak) until finally, the experiment was over.

The experiment was over, so what happened?

It turned out I still had a voice. Unfortunately, the more I started talking again the more I missed being in silence. Conversations weren’t that deep for me anymore, and I just felt like I was trying to prove myself to others.

After spending around 1 hour talking again, by pure coincidence the organization of the event decides to do the last retrospective of the 3 days in silence! I did burst in laugh internally but, as you can imagine, that additional 1 hour was a piece of cake, it even felt safe and appealing.

Lots of people came to thank me for being brave (or crazy) enough for doing the experiment. I could only be thankful and remember how much they made the effort to adapt their communication so that I could feel included, allowing me to participate and be engaged in the conference.

What did I learn with all this?

Summarizing all that I've felt or realized is quite difficult, but here are the ones closer to my heart:

• The hardest part of being silent for me was to stop my inner voice, the one that is speaking all the time, telling me what I should do, behave, respond, interrupt, prove myself, etc.
• How much caring can exist in the world. When people really are open, there is no discrimination, just a pure connection between human beings.
• People will judge you and discourage you, probably because of their inner fears kicking in.
• How much for granted we take our most basic functions and how hard and not ready the world is (including ourselves) for those who don't have one or more of the 5 senses.
• Finally... what is essential is unspoken with words. Actions and gestures put in motion our feelings and what we really are on the inside, connecting us on a much more deeper level than verbal conversations.

What comes next? What is the next Sprint/experiment?

As you can see by now, I did not leave unscattered from this experiment. My whole perception of the world changed (at least in those 24 hours), making me question myself and imagine: What it's like to "lose" another sense?

While I do appreciate much more the fact that I can speak, I'm eager to embark in more experiments where I lose something temporarily that I normally take for granted. Not only to achieve another perspective of things but also to empathize more with those who are different from me. I started to research about flotation tanks and therapy, which is basically a pod where you lose or reduce momentarily some of your senses, maybe I will try it out.

How it was to you on the other side?

One thing is certain, I did not do this experiment alone. The proofs are all the "Thank You" notes and feedback I received at the end of the unconference. Which leads me to ask you for two small favors:

1. Share here how it was for you? What did you feel or think when knowing about the challenge, interacting with me, or now, after everything ended?
2. Be more mindful to others. Their unique perspective of the world is what form their personality and identity. If you are open enough, you can really make a difference and learn so much more than being stuck in your own frame and point of view of the world.

Thank you all of the ALE organizers for the amazing event and to Adventures with Agile for allowing to represent us.

"See you" soon!