What I Learned in 2020.

2020 has been a year of challenge and change. In what has felt like a chaotic series of unfortunate events, this year has forced us to take inventory of our lives and to reflect in ways we’ve never done before. Through it all, we’ve each done our best to stay resilient and optimistic despite facing so much uncertainty. And for that, I applaud you.

Each year, I take time to reflect on what the last 12 months have taught me. I do this for my own personal growth and to proactively prepare myself for what’s to come in the new year. I hope that in sharing my lessons learned from 2020, that I can encourage you to think critically about how 2020 shaped you and how you can make 2021 your best year yet. 

So, here’s what 2020 taught me:

It's okay to learn, unlearn and relearn.

The human mind is an incredible thing. It allows us to think, feel, act and even keeps us entertained at night through our dreams. As humans, our brains are wired to help us make sense of our own realities while also giving us the ability to reflect on our actions, beliefs and everything in between. Sometimes, we even cling to ideas and beliefs out of fear, ego and our own desire to control and make sense of our lives. Simply put, our brains are designed to keep us safe and to keep what’s familiar close to us. At times, this hardwiring can produce counterproductive consequences that unfortunately make us resistant to change or resentful of things that challenge our own set of beliefs. This really is no fault of our own because that’s what our brains are programmed to do, but this year has shown me that we also possess the ability to learn, unlearn and relearn things – despite what habits, views or feelings we’ve already been programmed to believe in.

Like for many of us, 2020 forced me to stop – with absolutely no notice. It forced me to pause and acknowledge previous patterns or old ways of thinking that were no longer creating value in my life or aligning with my purpose. In 2020, my personal philosophies on work-life balance were challenged. My beliefs about myself and the motives behind my own goals and aspirations were challenged. My judgements about certain situations or even people in my life were challenged. Even my own spiritual and religious beliefs were tested while I tried to make sense of everything that was going on in the world and around me. Although it was difficult, and at times exhausting, it was necessary. I needed to be confronted in every single one of these areas of my life, or else I wouldn’t have grown this year. Honestly, I hope I’m consistently challenged in this way for years to come. It’s the only way for me to remain accountable for my own growth. It’s how I will level up and become the person I’m meant to be; a better me.

It is OK to change. It is OK to have your ideas challenged and challenge ideas back. It is OK to start over, and then start over again at any stage in your life. And most importantly, it is OK to learn, unlearn and relearn.

There's no substitute for patience. 

As cliché as it sounds, 2020 taught me that there is absolutely NO substitute for patience – NONE at all. No matter how much you plan, look at your clock or calendar, or get frustrated with how slow time is or isn’t moving, time is going to move at the same speed it always has. Patience is a virtue that we all must accept if we want to make meaningful progress in our lives. Whether you’re chasing your dream job, waiting for an investment to flip or anticipating a new chapter in your life to begin, the process is the process – and it takes time.

A bonsai tree, grown from its seed, takes around 5 years before it starts displaying any resemblance of a tree. From there, it takes another 10 – 15 years until its fully grown. What’s even more unique about a bonsai tree is the fact that it can live up to 300 years. This small, yet mighty tree personifies the value that patience holds in each of our lives. If you attempt to speed up the growth of a bonsai tree by overwatering it, it will drown and die. If you try and expedite its growth by giving it too much sunlight, it will dry out and die. No matter what, for the tree to grow into its fullest potential, it needs at least 15 – 20 years of TLC.

I think some important lessons can be drawn from the life of a bonsai tree. If we try to rush or force things, we may end up doing more harm than good in our own lives and potentially in the lives of others. This is the very lesson that 2020 taught me. There are phases and stages in your life that you’re going to want to expedite, but you can’t. I feel like many of us had very intentional plans that we anticipated coming to fruition in 2020, but then a full-blown pandemic happened and our timelines were shattered. Since March of this year, we’ve been in an unexpected and drawn-out phase of life that’s forced us to pivot, delay or even abandon our plans. But, in coming to grips with the fact that this pandemic came as a shock to us all, it’s important to remember that for every phase of life, there are lessons to be learned; seeds to be planted; progress and growth to be made. Pausing is not the same as stopping. Being delayed is not the same as being denied.

This year, I learned how to really accept time as my ally, and not my enemy. I learned the true value of patience and that there is no need to rush through anything. That said, take time to stop and smell the roses…or even the bonsai trees.

What’s meant for you will arrive on time.

Set boundaries and don't feel guilty about it.

Our goals demand a lot out of us. People we care about expect us to show-up. Life, in general, requests that we put our best foot forward every single day just to keep our heads above water. In doing our best to fulfill these different areas in our lives, we often end up chasing what sometimes feels like a fleeting sense of balance. As we know, our energy is finite. We can’t always give 110% to everyone and everything at all times – it’s not sustainable. In figuring out how I could be my best and give my best to all that’s asked of me, I have discovered the importance and necessity of creating boundaries.

While in the midst of a year filled with immense turmoil, I was still expected to perform professionally at a high level, balance the rigor of graduate school, be a good son, grandson, brother, family member, mentor and friend, make progress on my passion projects, uphold other extracurricular obligations and leadership roles while also finding time for proper rest and recovery. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve been able to do it all because I established boundaries. 

2020 taught me how to become much more intentional with the simple art of saying “no.” By saying no and being protective with your time, energy and resources, you’re able to focus on what’s most important to you. You’re able to make progress in the most meaningful and deliberate ways possible while keeping your peace and maintaining your personal balance. Of course, not everyone in your life will be happy with this, but understand that if you overextend and burn yourself out, you’ll be good to no one, not even yourself.

On that same note, setting boundaries with yourself may be even more important than setting boundaries with others. What this means is that there are lines you must establish within your personal life to ensure you’re in tune with what’s important to you. Whether it’s work-related or even relationship-related, these personal boundaries serve as promises made for you, by you, so that you can live a life well lived, on your terms. For me, I was challenged this year to set boundaries within my work-life balance. I’ll be honest, idle time makes me anxious (it always has), but this year, I had to reevaluate how I prioritize my rest and my free time. I established personal boundaries to prevent myself from filling gaps of free time in my schedule with tasks I wanted to complete. Doing this allowed me to develop a healthier sense of balance and personal responsibility in doing what I needed to do to prevent burnout. 

Remember, setting boundaries is a radical form of self-care. So, take care of yourself and don’t apologize for it.

As 2020 comes to an end, I encourage you to reflect on your year through a lens of gratitude. This year was hard, but you made it through. Whether you made progress towards the resolutions you set for yourself in 2019 or just managed to make it through this year in one piece, you deserve to celebrate and to give yourself grace. As 2020 has shown us, we can’t predict what the new year has in store, but regardless, let’s commit now to doing everything in our power to making it our best year yet.

Stay safe. Stay healthy. Happy New Year!