What I have Learnt as a Mentor

Mentoring entrepreneurs is such a privilege and an honour. Most of my mentees have achieved way more financial success than I have in the businesses that I have built, but rarely have I wanted to be in their shoes. It is difficult enough wearing my own!?

I have had many learnings over the years from having been mentored and from being a mentor to others.?

A Win-Win Relationship

The main thing that I have learnt from being a mentor to dozens of individuals over the years and from being a mentee, is to always come away thankful for the experience because both parties can gain great insights.?

One of my mentors had built an incredibly successful business and exited for millions of dollars but had lost his health, marriage and relationship with his children along the way. I had gone to him for business advice, but many of our discussions ended up being about me sharing my relationship experiences. I learned a great deal about how to build a business to scale, while he learned some new ways to build a business without having to give up everything else. It was a win-win.?

Choosing a Mentor

Most people recognise that a mentor should ideally “be an expert”, or “know more than me” but not enough thought is given about “expert in what?”, “why that particular individual?”, or “why do I need a mentor?”?

In my experience, the engagement with a mentee usually starts with the premise that I am an “expert in business” or “expert in governance”, but ends up being much more of a discussion about what life skills I have learned along the way that can help the mentee move along their journey with less pain, stress and anxiety about making a mistake, or “doing the wrong thing”. I have very strong views on how the school systems globally have failed us by creating such an entrenched fear of failure. Failure is major part of how we learn and grow.?

The Supportive Role?

The next learning is that an important part of a mentor-mentee relationship is to be there if the mentee falls, to help pick them back up, support them while they dust themselves off, and then get them back into the game. The process moves between a series of states, like the waves on the shore – moving in and out in cycles of telling, coaching and mentoring:

• Telling: There will be times when the exchange is very much a tell, for example, “Please believe me when I tell you; I’ve been there! Don’t do “x”, do “y” and save yourself a lot of stress/broken relationships/time/money (delete as appropriate)”.
• Coaching: “You can do better than this, what’s holding you back?” The downside of a “tell” situation is that it’s not the mentee’s idea so they may not buy into taking the action. The mentor then needs to move into more of a ‘coach’ mode, supporting them to break down a task into manageable pieces, set targets and timelines, and then hold them accountable for achieving the milestones. There needs to be more distance created between the mentor and mentee in those moments because accountability needs to be applied firmly, but obviously with respect. Coaching should be a short- to medium-term relationship. If a coaching approach is needed too often in a primarily mentorship relationship, there may be a need to separate the roles across two different people because it is very difficult – and I would argue, impossible – for one person to perform both roles effectively.
• Mentoring: Mentorship, in contrast to telling and coaching, is about on-going development; it is more informal, holistic and about guiding the mentee on a more personal level as part of a longer term relationship that is less bound by professional constraints.?

A Recipe for Success

The best relationships that I have had with mentors and mentees have been ones with no particular agenda or defined outcome. They are free-flowing and may ebb back and forth between very personal and very professional aspects across or within sessions. Time together may be a quick call, or a long lunch. As soon as it gets too rigid and formal, it becomes less fun and valuable. Ultimately, very deep and long-lasting friendships may be built that are very special to both parties.?

If you have the opportunity to be a mentor or mentee, my experience is that it is well worth the effort. We are all very ‘busy’ with our lives but I truly value those moments when I can learn from and share my experiences with someone who has had a life journey different from mine, or is just starting out on the long and winding road.

Impacting Life Stories

I was recently mentoring some small, start-up businesses and learned a huge amount about current marketing techniques and sales processes that have made a big impact in my business. You never know where the learnings are going to come from and the best ones are often completely unexpected.?

As the phrase coined by Dan Wieden for Nike says, “Just Do It!”: Be a mentor or a mentee. Be open-minded to what mentorship could include; you may have the opportunity to save your marriage, or someone else’s; help save someone’s business and avoid the loss of tens or hundreds of livelihoods. Think about how you can help each other and be vulnerable about the mistakes that you have made and how you overcame them. You can only tell your story, but it could be life-changing for the one who hears it.