What I have learned from the book
?Evelyn? Zheng
??IT& Social Media&Semiconductor Recruiter/ Born and raised in Chongqing(重慶)????Trilingual??Japanese,English,Chinese/Share with you the right position?? Delivering the industry articles and news ??
I recently read a book called [The Courage To Be Disliked] author by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. It explained an accessible overview of the psychology concepts of Alfred Adler – a psychologist from the 19th century.
I would to share with you some points that I personally found very helpful.
?People should learn the theory of teleology instead of the theory of cause
You can change any time. You just choose not to.If you think that your past determines your present, you end up with determinism; your future has already been decided by your past. In "Adlerian psychology", we don’t think about past causes, but rather about present goals. Your past doesn’t determine your present, but rather it is the meaning that you attribute to your past.
?All problems are interpersonal relationship problems
Separate the tasks and don't intervene in other people’s tasks and don't let other people intervene in yours.“What other people think when they see your face — that is the task of other people, and is not something you have any control over.
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?Instead of seeking approval, recognize yourself and use your own ideas. Because people only care about themselves.
?Build horizontal relationships: Don’t condemn or praise.
When you praise, you’re unconsciously creating a hierarchical relationship and seeing the other person as beneath you. As if you’re passing a judgment from one person of ability to another person of no ability. You can convey words of gratitude instead. Saying thank you to this partner who has helped you with your work. “This was a big help”. If recieving praise is what you’re after, you’ll have no choice but to adapt to that person’s yardstick and put your breaks on your own freedom. “Thank you,” on the other hand, is a clear expression of gratitude.
?Self-acceptance
One cannot change what one is born with. But one can, under one’s own power, go about changing what use one makes of that equipment. So in that case, one simply has to focus on what one can change, rather than on what one cannot.
?What can I give to this person??
One needs to think not 'What will this person give me?' but, rather, 'What can I give to this person?' That is commitment to the community.”
“You are the only one who can change yourself.”