What I Got Wrong

My new novel is out today. The release date is arbitrary because I’m an indie author and I basically just had to pick a date to say, “Hello, this book is now here. Do with that what you will.”

This experience has felt extremely different from the last time I shoved a book out into the world. It feels like I’m doing the same thing in a different universe. The overall situation hasn’t changed (I'm still writing, still independent, still stumbling forward through this process one meager step at a time) but I have changed.

Things I was wrong about last time (this is an incomplete list by a mile but shortened for sanity's sake):

My previous success math:

work tirelessly in the shadows + tell no one what I am attempting to do + only let people know what is happening when I am a success! Only visible success is allowed! Otherwise it is embarrassing! = success and riches without shame!

This is bad math because guess what? When you are starting out, your audience baseline is EVERYONE YOU ALREADY KNOW. Regardless of whether or not they buy a book and buy/read a book, this is the starting point. It's the same for everyone.

• Sub-point: it is way more lonely when you toil in obscurity and only emerge when you’re a clear and obvious success story - that particular lesson took a long time to learn. Isolation also dulls the vibrancy of the victories. Last week, when I learned my audiobook was accepted by Audible (which was a complete surprise - I do not know what I'm doing and fully expected a rejection), I had so many people to share it with. It deepened the joy and triumph considerably.

Being published would be so much better: Okay, obviously yes but also maybe not? I know this sounds a lot like “you can’t reject me! I am rejecting YOU!” but hear me out. Yes, validation is helpful and necessary. Having one of the Big 5 say “this book is good enough for us to invest in, also would you like to meet Oprah?” is super critical and important. It is a gigantic leap forward. BUT… I would still have to do all of this shilling/promotion/marketing work myself anyway. There is no magic pill where suddenly I wake up and I am James Patterson (? why is that the only example I can think of right now?) and my audience is fully baked and ready to roll with whatever I publish next. Also, yikes - being published right now while being Nobody would feel like way more pressure.

• Sub-point: in a weird way, doing it on this road allows me to somehow instill an element of that first bullet which is “let me figure out the bumps on my own without a conference room of professionals staring at me the entire time as money burns in a trashcan behind me.”

If I don’t “do my best,” the failure will sting less: Slow clap. This is officially the stupidest thing I’ve ever thought. And I once said “Facebook will never take off” so I have said some pretty stupid things in my life.

This little, niggling, self-destructive brain worm has influenced my operating system for years when it comes to my personal creative projects. Just hold back… just enough… so that when it doesn’t work out, we still have something to fall back on i.e. giving it our actual 110% effort.

I have bad news, Past Me - the failures stung way worse. Not only did I have to be sad about the outcome, I had to be disappointed in myself, too.

Writer’s block doesn’t just apply to writing: I will knock on every piece of wood in my vicinity and admit that I have never struggled with knowing what to write. I’ve always been flooded with ideas and inspiration in that department. But I was wrong to assume I wasn’t struggling with a block - I was. A big one. This block was so big that I didn’t realize I was actually living inside the monolith the whole time.

For the last ten years, I have been majorly blocked when it comes to how to promote my work. And my pride is 100% to blame. I started my advertising career years ago as a social media strategist and I let my pride absolutely take me down from the inside. I wasn’t able to sit back and admit that I needed help, I needed direction, I needed a clear path forward. It took me ages to even verbalize the need for help to myself. Promoting myself online was something I should know how to do already and I should be further ahead than where I am now. (Let’s throw in another yikes and also a wince.)

A lot of this boils down to how I’m perceived as I move through this self-promotion process - as I try things, make mistakes, and move forward with what I learn.

Everyone in the world is trying to do something that genuinely feels impossible at times. Raise a kind, well-regulated kid in a destructive, anxiety-ridden world. Climb the corporate ladder while not being white/male/straight and change the system at the same time. Make it through a news day in 2025 without eating an entire sleeve of Thin Mints in the fetal position.

No one cares about how many mistakes you make while you try to do something hard. Maybe people will look and judge you for about .2 seconds before they move on to evaluate something else. No one really cares. The people who see you and love you are just glad you exist in the world - anything else you do is a bonus.

Doing your best feels better. The successes feel richer. The failures sting less.

Trying feels better than not trying. There's peace in the trying, especially if you connect success with process instead of outcomes that are out of your control.

If I don’t know the answer, at least I know how to figure it out or ask someone who does.

Last week, I posted a truly unhinged TikTok video* of my response to my audiobook being approved by Audible. In the supportive and loving comments, an old friend piped up that she works in audio and could help me if I had any questions. I replied immediately that I will take her up on it. Yes. Thank you. Yes.

I'll do whatever I can. I'll take whatever help I can get.

This is the best I can do.

*(it's fine that it's unhinged because it's TikTok! See? I know what I'm doing, sort of!)