What I Did When I Was Brave

Nobody talks to us more than we do. What we tell ourselves has tremendous power. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to face that inner voice. That's what I did many years ago when I my check engine light went off. No, not the check engine light in my car, but the one in my head that shows up when I detect that there is an error code in my thinking. It usually starts with the symptoms of self-doubt.

A client called to book me to speak for an all-male audience. I was afraid to take the sales call and dreaded the conversation. I began to tell myself all the reasons I was not a good fit for a group of men.?They won't get my humor. They will think my stories are silly. They don't care what I have to say. By the time I got on the phone, I was a wreck. And while everything I told the buyer was the standard wording I use to get a job, every fiber of my being was screaming that I'm not a good fit. I believe that the energy we put out speaks far louder than the words we say - on sales calls and on stage, which is why I'm not surprised that I didn't get the job. I was thrilled.

But I was lucky enough to pay attention to what I had just done. And how often I had done it over the course of my career. I was lucky enough, first, to identify the feeling:?Men don't care about what I have to say. And, second, I was brave enough to explore that deeper. I asked myself one simple question: Is this truth, or is this a story you are writing? I began to look for proof to back up either version, I was able to find a couple of examples of men who definitely did not believe in me enough to date me, hire me, or invest in me.??But then I saw other men - men who were my best friends, men who referred me to their clients, men who came up and asked for MY help. It became quite clear that the evidence just didn't back up this lie I was telling myself about myself.

So I had to unlearn the belief that because I feel it, it must be true. I gave emotions WAY too much power over my business. I had to learn that emotions are important - they are check engine lights to things that need to be addressed, not ignored. But they are only that - a sign. They shouldn't drive the car. Truth needs to drive the car.

Once I was aware of my inner script and the negative emotion it brought, I was able to study it to determine whether this belief was truth or just a story I was writing. Turns out it was just a story. The emotion was not valid, yet it was driving my car. So I put it in the back seat by redefining the truth and reprogramming my inner script to follow. This new truth started driving my car. Now I have a strong portfolio of clients who are men - who love me, respect me, and want to do business with me. Now THAT is a truth I can believe in.

I learned that whatever story I write is what my brain aligns with. This lie guides me and dictates by feelings, my behaviors, my actions, the energy I project on stage and off, and the end result.

The simple point is that we write the story we live in.

So I leave you with a few questions:

1. Is there a check engine light going off in your head?
2. Is there a negative feeling about yourself that needs to be addressed?
3. What lie are you telling yourself that is driving your car?
4. Is this the real truth, or is this a story you are writing?
5. Will you find the courage to change that story and put truth back in the driver's seat?

What is a moment when you were truly brave? I want you to be thinking about a memory or moment of bravery, and bring it next Wednesday, June 19th, at 2pm ET to my Story Studio Live on YouTube where, together, we’ll craft a story from the ground up.

Start reflecting on those courageous moments now—you might just be one of the lucky participants to share your story live. See you there!