What the Hell Am I Doing?

This past week, I lashed out at family and friends.

Self-imposed stress, excessive deadlines, lack of sleep and the state of the world gnawing in the back of my subconscious - all conspired to turn me into a raging fool.

Once I calmed down - I came to the realization that I was allowing the outside world to control my mood, feelings and outlook.

To my amazement, when I told needy people that I would help them next week, instead of today, the world did not end. 

“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.” — Saint Francis de Sales (1567-1622)

When I looked at all the work in front of me, it seemed overwhelming. But when I broke it down into little pieces, it looked easy.

I went for a walk.

I practiced deep breathing.

Then I looked up at the big beautiful sky and smiled, realizing that things are never as bad as they seem. 

At that moment, I forgot about my troubles and thought about the miracle of life. Listening to my heart, I could not help wonder what was making it beat. I thought too, about all the people in my life, and how they are all walking miracles.

I know I'll get frustrated and angry at the world again. 

But when it happens, I'll ask: "what the hell am I doing?"

I'll return to my inner self. A place of miracles, wonderment and peace.

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.” — Lao Tzu

God's speed.