What the heck is mindfulness? (The 4 things you need to know before getting started)

When I tell people what I do, I sometimes get asked, "Ok... but what does “mindfulness” really mean?"

You might have wondered this yourself at some point.After all, mindfulness is everywhere these days. TIME magazine, Forbes, NY Times, HuffPo. They're doing it at Google, Facebook, Duke, UCLA... even the US military is doing the whole mindfulness thing. And yet, while almost everyone has heard of it, not everyoneknows what mindfulness is. Most people, if you ask them, will have some vague notion. "It's something about stopping your mind from thinking, or trying to be calm... Right?"

In this post I'm going to answer that question for you. I'll give you the 4 essential things you need to know about mindfulness, and lay out useful tips on how to get started.

Even if you already know what mindfulness is, you might want to read on, since I'll point out some important aspects of the practice that are commonly missed, even among people who have been practicing for years.

So, back to the vague notion. Does mindfulness mean that you stop your mind from thinking? Or that you try to force yourself to be calm? Or that you sit in full-lotus position and do an astral projection? No, no, and definitely no.

Mindfulness is simply being aware of whatever you're experiencing in the present moment, without judgement, and with kindness toward whatever arises.

Let's break this definition down, piece by piece. First up:

1. Aware of whatever you're experiencing...

What's an experience? It is anything that gets seen, felt, heard, thought, or processed in your mind. From sensations in the body that the mind picks up, to the feelings of sadness or anxiety that come and go throughout the day. All of these are experiences.

The simplest experiences to start with when beginning to learn mindfulness are physical sensations in the body. We'll leave the more difficult experiences (e.g. thoughts, feelings, and emotions) for later, as they're tough to be aware of without getting sucked into them. As you'll see in a moment, being aware without getting "caught up" in the experience is an important part of mindfulness. For now, we'll focus on the relatively neutral sensations in the body.

You can check this out right now, wherever you're sitting. Put your hand on your belly (even if you feel funny doing it, just try it!). Take a few deep belly breaths. Feel that movement that goes up and down? When your attention is right there, simply feeling the sensation in the belly, that's being mindful. Great work!

2. In the present moment...

Mindfulness is not just being aware of your experiences, but doing so in a particular way. First, make sure it's an experience going on in the present moment. For physical sensations, this is fairly obvious. Just check, are you feeling the sensation right now? If so, then it's a good object to be aware of.

For thoughts, feelings, or emotions, you can do the same test. You can't be mindful of something you felt yesterday - that's just remembering a feeling (however, you CAN be mindful of how you are currently feeling about how you felt yesterday). Mindfulness is trying to tap into the texture of the feeling itself, which can only be done in the present moment. A good way to practice this is simply to ask the question, "How do I feel right now?" or "What's going on in my body right now?"

3. Without judgement...

Judgment (particularly self-judgment) is HUGE in our society, and not in a good way. Almost all of us are too hard on ourselves. Unfortunately, this tendency to be overly self-critical comes out in our meditation practice.

Let's say you sit down on a cushion on the floor to practice some mindfulness. You aim to sit for 5 minutes. You start following your breathing, and after about 30 seconds, you notice a little bit of pain in your low back from sitting cross-legged. Immediately, thoughts in your mind start spinning. "Pain again? Why does my back always cause me trouble when I'm trying to do something? I bet if I didn't have so much pain in my body, I could actually focus, and I could get enlightened in no time. My body is just not cut out for this. Gosh, I can't even focus for a minute. I'm no good at mindfulness." This is awareness with judgement.

How would this differ with some real mindfulness added into the mix? First, from what we've learned in step 1, you first notice the pain in the low back. Then, see if it's possible to be aware of the pain, without judging it as "bad". This might look something like this, "Oh, there's pain in my low back. I wonder what it feels like? Hmm.. a little hot, and there's some throbbing there too."

You might be thinking, "But Jeremy, I'm not a robot. How am I supposed to not think my pain is a bad thing?" Well, I will be the first to admit, it's not easy. In fact, learning to meet your pain (both physical and emotional) without pushing it away, is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. But you get better with practice (trust me, I've gone through it). This is the basis of neuroplasticity and mental training; the ability of the brain to develop new skills and tendencies in response to training.

If that still sounds too tough, just start with the intention to see if you can approach your experiences with curiosity, rather than judgement. You might surprise yourself.

4. And with kindness towards whatever arises.

This is the aspect of mindfulness that is most commonly left out, and it's actually one of the most important things to remember! Inclining the mind towards kindness is what makes the practice of mindfulness enjoyable and refreshing. It also makes your mind a more pleasant place to live in (which is good, since you're stuck there for the rest of your life).

How to do this? Just try to remind yourself to be gentle, to be friendly: "Lost in thought again, eh, Jeremy? That's alright. Let's see if we can bring the attention back to the breath." That's honestly how I talk to myself when I practice. Try it out! It's way nicer than being harsh and critical. Again, just as with non-judgement, learning to be kind is not easy. Be patient with yourself. But just remember: if there's no intention to be kind or gentle, then it's not really mindfulness, it's just awareness.

Now you know the 4 core aspects of mindfulness. You're a mindfulness pro. And if you forget all of that, just remember – be kind. With that in mind, you'll never go wrong.

Try it out!

See if you can practice mindful breathing for 30 seconds sometime today. Find a comfortable place to sit, either in a chair or on a cushion. Keep your back straight, and your arms in your lap or on your legs. Gently close your eyes, and feel the sensations in your body associated with breathing. Feel the chest and belly rising with the in-breath, and falling with the out-breath. See if you can stay with the sensations in the body. When your attention starts to drift away, gently bring your attention back to the breath.

For a more in-depth guide to getting started with practicing mindfulness, see my 6 easy steps for practicing mindful breathing.