What the HECK is E+R=O?

What the HECK is E+R=O?

The very first time that I learned what this equation meant, it blew my mind!

It was like a light-bulb of absolute clarity went off in my head ??

BAM! ?? ?Everything now made sense.

You know those moments that I mean? ?Where it is like all the puzzle pieces finally fit and you can see the whole picture?

Ya, it was one of THOSE moments.

And for one of the first times in my life, I KNEW, with absolute certainty, that I had the ability to control the course of my life AND how I would experience it.

In that moment, I took back my power.

Let me tell you how...

But first, let me explain how this works:

E = EVENT (something happens)

+

R = (I will tell you in a moment, 'cause this is the game-changer)

=

O = OUTCOME (the result)

For most people, we move through life only considering E = O (something happens and the outcome is outside of our control, it's inevitable).

For example, you are overlooked for a promotion, so you think you don't have what it takes to do that job and resign yourself to staying where you are in that company without advancing.

Or, you get up in the morning, stub your toe, slip in the shower, spill your coffee, and are late for work, so you figure the day is a write-off and nothing good is going to happen so you stay in a grumpy mood.

Or, your spouse dies and you think that means that you will be sad and alone for the rest of your life.

But the outcomes to all of the above are within YOUR control.

You see, the missing piece is the "R".

R = RESPONSE (how YOU respond to the Event)

Your response to any situation 100% impacts the outcome you experience. ? And it is 100% within YOUR control, whether you think it is or not.

Whether your response is emotional, mental or physical - based on whatever the event is - you get to choose YOUR response.

So the full equation is:

E = EVENT

+

R = RESPONSE (Yours)

=

O = OUTCOME

This equation was first introduced by Jack Canfield and has been a game-changer for 1,000,000's of people.

When you realize that your response to an event determines the outcome you experience, it shifts your perspective entirely. ?

Just because something has happened, doesn't mean the outcome for you is predetermined. It is all about how you RESPOND to the situation.

So, if you don't get the promotion, it is within your power to respond by finding a job that recognizes your abilities OR up leveling your skills.

If you start out having some "bad" things happen in the morning, you can pause & change your perspective, see them as the small incidents that they were (and not the bad things that happened "on purpose" to make your whole day horrible) and respond by deciding to be in a better mood.

And if you have lost your spouse, you can move through your grief journey however that looks like for YOU. ? And, yes, you will be sad and feel so very alone when it first happens. ? That is the nature of losing someone you love. ?

But as time moves forward and you begin to heal day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year...YOU get to respond to your grief and choose if you want to start letting some joy and happiness into your life...

AND, YOU get to respond to your grief and choose if you would like to invite other people to be a part of your life....

No matter what others may think about your choices when you are grieving (and let's face it, no matter what you do, someone will judge you for it), just remember...it isn't their grief journey, it is yours.

Just like...

It isn't their crappy morning, it's yours.

It isn't their missed promotion, it's yours.

How you decide to respond when sh*tty things happen in your life - and they WILL happen - is up to YOU.

AND...

It is 100% your responsibility TO respond...or another way to see it is "response-ability". ?Your ability to respond.

See, BAM!??

(FYI - doing nothing & being passive IS a response and you are equally responsible for that outcome, too)

Sooooo....

YOU get to decide if you stay in the job where you are getting looked over for promotions or find another job.

YOU get to decide if you stay in a grumpy mood because you had a crap morning or change your mood to be more positive.

YOU get to decide if you stay in your grief or move forward with it and allow it to become a part of your life but not all of your life.

For me, I took back my power the moment I decided to choose happiness and joy over living in the depths of grief and sadness over losing my son. ?I could so easily have chosen to live in those depths and decide that life was unfair (which it is), that I didn't deserve this (no one does), and that a life of joy & happiness was not in the cards for me (it is in the cards for everyone!). ?

This choice to seek out joy and happiness and to allow myself to fully experience it does not mean that I don't ever feel sad or let the sadness of my grief in - I do, quite often. ?Some days it is a small ache in my heart, others it is a full-on meltdown of tears and full-body sadness. ?

However my grief shows up, I let it be there knowing that it is better to let my sadness out rather than try to push it down. ?

Once the moment of sadness has passed, I thank it for reminding me of how much I love my son and then I intentionally turn my focus on the things and people who bring me joy and happiness and invite those feelings in.

Is this easy to do? ?Not always.

Do I struggle more some days than others? Yes.

Do I feel guilty for wanting to feel joy & happiness? ?I used to, but not anymore.

When I am in a state of joy and happiness, I show up as a better mom, a better partner, a better coach, a better friend...a better me.

And I get to choose this for myself every single day.

And so do you.

???

As we say good-bye to 2024 and get ready to welcome 2025, I invite you to take a moment to remember just how much power over your life you have.

You may not get to choose all the events that happen in your life, but you 100% get to choose how you respond to them.

You can choose to look at your life as glass half empty or glass half full.

You can choose to believe the negative things that people say about you or you can choose to see yourself as the incredible person you are.

You can choose to feel pressured and judged to do grief a certain way or you can choose to grieve in a way that works best for YOU.

I wish you all an amazing 2025 where you experience all that life has to offer...and where you choose to respond in a way that enriches your outcome.

YOU are worth it!

M. xo

P.S. If you are struggling with your grief and would like support in moving forward, I am here for you. ?Book a short call with me - send a message or email me [email protected] and let's explore what that support might look like.