What is the Heart of a Giver? The Combined Jam

Dear Reader,

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." said by the incredible Maya Angelou.

I won't resend this news article twice a month, I promise! I didn't know better and I am learning, so I didn't know you couldn't post two separate articles within a certain period of time. My original idea of a written joint and a video joint sent distinctly won't work well in this forum; however, I adapted and a clever new joint title will emerge. For those that missed the video or our letter, I merged both. Below is the original article. Above is the original article.

Take care of yourself the best you can today.

Warmly,

Aisha

Namaste. I see you. I see your light.

This world is in chaos. It feels never-ending and I am exhausted, and I won’t give up, and I will take my moments of respite and rest. Thank for you spending time with me and Ynette. We wish you a moment a peace, of breath, of calm, in a world that often takes all those things away from us.

We must not let go of ourselves easily.

Ynette and I have asked each other and now bring this question to you: What is the Heart of a Giver?

To give is to receive. To receive is to receive. The culture of giving is very complex. It seems simple and often we speak of it that way. Many of us are/were raised in religious environments, which preach to help the poor, the needy, those who cannot help themselves. In non-religious environment, giving can be a very strong culture. As adults in the workforce and children in school, we do drives for those in need, raise funds for those in need, for those who cannot help themselves. We walk miles, run miles, cycle miles, collect coats, collect food, collect pennies, collect dollars, distribute blankets, distribute food, distribute coats. To give. For to give is to receive.

For many givers in our culture, we create the personas of the receivers and then define these humans by this persona, needs, and our own personal biases. I refer to poverty porn and how this feeds into this culture and our own biases, often without our awareness.

My initial decade in philanthropy was not driven by this idea of the needy and those who were deemed marginalized and in need. I helped people, many now friends, raise money for causes: blood cancer research, the impact of driving under the influence, and maternal/infant health. My various experiences in the nonprofit world have (wait for the $20 word) unequivocally changed me. The work and more significantly, the relationships I made continually impact me in ways so profound that words could never articulate it properly.

Philanthropy is a Greek word that roughly translates to English as, “love for humanity” or “love of mankind”. How does that feel for you? When you think of the culture of giving in our world today does it feel as if it’s driven by a love for humanity?

That is why Ynette and I landed on: What is the Heart of a Giver?

The heart of a giver is unique to each person. Each person’s experiences, which impact their beliefs, sometimes values, all tunnel to the heart of this person. This heart impacts their giving and the why behind their relationship with giving and receiving.?

Which us brings us to The Mirror.

One night at Laundry Love, a woman had brought a mirror with her. She didn’t know about Laundry Love and was very grateful to learn that she could do her laundry at no cost. She was very friendly and spoke with almost all the volunteers. I must name that I am only fluent in English and speak very little Spanish. I always try and can often communicate a little and, in this case, it was a little. Mostly smiles, a hug, and she showed me the mirror.

After this woman left, Ynette shared this story with me: this woman had $10 in cash left to get her by until her next payday. She needed gas to get to work and clean clothes to wear. The clean clothes were her priority as she was face-to-face with customers. She had decided she could figure out the transportation. She showed up to do her laundry with plans to sell the mirror for $10 to fund her gas. Laundry Love was there. She was able to keep her $10 for gas, clean all her laundry, and keep her mirror.

That is not what she chose to do. She was grateful to Laundry Love and wanted to support the cause, so she donated the mirror. We accepted this mirror, for we would never deny the heart of a giver.

I chose to take the mirror with me. I had no idea what I was going to do with it, and I knew I would accept her gift, as it was from her heart: the heart of a giver that truly held a love for humanity.

That mirror now sits in my home. I will keep that mirror until I no longer take breaths in this world. It has been in a hallway, sitting, waiting for its story to continue. Quite unexpectedly, the mirror has become part of my family. Babies play in the mirror, my children look at themselves and talk to themselves in the mirror (words of love and encouragement I pray), our bestest doggo of 12 years that we have since lost is absorbed in the mirror’s image, our 13 year-old-kitty greets herself regularly in the mirror, and the heart of the woman that donated it sits in my home, reminding me that my own love for humanity is my life’s beacon.

What is the heart of a giver?

The mirror reflects the heart of a giver: the beauty of the mirror and how it enriched my life. When we look at our experiences and our interactions, how we have evolved, how we want our relationships to exist and grow, a value of the humanity we place on others. Ynette and I share that we just want to be a part of other’s lives in even the smallest role for a few hours. We mutually create a positive environment for the hours of Laundry Love with our fellow volunteers Kayla and Alin, and it’s our greatest co-creation.

The joy received from the mirror is also received from us as participants in Laundry Love and in my home, which has extended to each life it has touched.

What is the heart of a giver?

With hearts that are open to grow and understanding themselves and others, the heart of a giver can be everything that is beautiful and it can be everything that is harmful without this openness. I want to help others, and I want to feel better about myself. If while we are in “it”, if we are really willing to get know people and listen to their stories, then our hearts can be changed. If we go into a situation and we enjoy being the giver to a “lower” receiver of our giving, this transformation cannot happen----we are also strengthening other’s mindsets about giving and the entire culture of giving.

Are we using a mirror?

If we look in a mirror and we see emptiness in ourselves and we are trying to fill it by giving to others---it’s still a selfish act. And, that is how we promote giving in our dominant culture, and it’s glorified, by likes, shares, so therefore it’s reinforced. It leaves the recipient stuck in their cycle of poverty. The giver feels good about themselves---as long as they keep giving, and the need still exists, and the cycle continues.?

If the giving requires true sacrifice, then that is often where things change. This requires us, with our own expectations to ask ourselves: “Why am I doing this? What is the cost?” That is the real work, when we ask ourselves: “Where is my heart in giving? Where is my heart in receiving?”

And this work, the tough work, is offensive. Our culture offers little to no reinforcement; deep self-examination doesn’t deliver instant gratification. We feel that it, our giving or the self-reflection, doesn’t change anything….so, we often stop.

When we look in a mirror, we have options:

We can adjust our physicality to alter our reflections; we can walk away and forget, not deal with it; and we can accept things as they are.

When I accepted the mirror at Laundry Love, in the immediate situation, it was out of obligation and to ensure she felt appreciated. Part of this learning experience for me, part of what Ynette knew in theory and felt in real-life, is that the heart of a giver is both compassionate and passionate.

The heart of a giver is a living, dynamic organism that can evolve as the mind of a giver evolves with understanding and empathy. Through the impact of relationship, giving from selfishness and self-glory, can transform into loving humanity with passion and compassion.

And that dear reader, is worth all the likes and shares in the world.

With all our warmth, hugs, and love for humanity,

Ynette & Aisha