‘What having a stroke has taught me’

Thank you, Different Strokes for compiling this article?

1. “Having a stroke taught me I am stronger than I think”

As the saying / Kelly Clarkson song goes “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” and there is nothing that tests the strength quite like nearly dying. Many in our community observe that having a stroke truly forced them to find a deep pool of inner strength they were not previously aware of.?

We also feel it is worthwhile to mention that strength may have classically been viewed as an attitude of ‘keep calm and carry on’ or stoicism. For many people this can be an effective strategy. However, strength comes in many packages and can also look like having a rough day, where you can’t face the challenges ahead, you might take a break, you might have a cry, you might have a strop but the next day?you get back on the horse and keep going!

We see the strength stroke survivors have every day and whilst our wish is that you didn’t HAVE to be strong – you’re doing great and here you are, despite it all.

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2. "Having a stroke taught me how precious life really is”

Many survivors who responded felt that they learnt what a precious privilege it is to be alive. One submission used the fantastic expression ‘kissed death, hugging life’ and for many (who have perhaps had the time to process and heal from the grief and trauma of the experience) have realised that being a survivor means that you get to live.

Your life may be different from the one that you had planned, it may come with more challenges and heartache than other people you know. However, it is your life to live all the same.

For many the experience has prompted an assessment of?pre-stroke life allowing them to assess what we they to carry forward into the future and what they don’t and would rather leave in the past.

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3. "Having a stroke showed me who really truly loves me”

Having a stroke can impact our relationships negatively. From friendships, family, romantic to our working relationships. Having a stroke can change a person, whether that’s physically, cognitively, or emotionally. We may no longer be the same person that you knew, married, loved, or became friends with. Instead, we are learning to be and becoming a new version of ourselves.

Despite the challenges and hardships faced after a stroke, the experience can also strengthen the depths of some relationships. It can be testament to the power of true love. The people in our lives who love us and have helped or continue to help us during the emotional rollercoaster that stroke recovery can be.

If this doesn’t ring true for you right now, that is okay too. It is human nature to focus on our losses – especially when it feels we are being punished for something that is already difficult and out of our control. Remember not to forget the people who are still here, our parents, partners, children, or friends who continue to show up for us and love us for who we are today. The people who have held us as we have cried and forgiven us when we have taken our frustrations out on them. For those who have loved us even when we struggled to love ourselves. For some survivors, this love is evident in existing relationships and for others, it happens post-stroke when meeting new people who love and support them for exactly who they are – stroke included!

4. “Having a Stroke taught me what is truly important”

Many survivors felt their perspective on what is really important in life changed after having a stroke. Perhaps realising that factors such as stress, over-working, addiction or not putting our own wellbeing first may have contributed to having had a stroke for some survivors.

The sobering reality of a stroke can provide an opportunity to reflect on the lives that we were living before. Time to stop and smell the roses and really take stock on what feels important now. Many contributors noted the how much they prioritise spending quality time with children, family and loved ones post-stroke and how life enhancing this has been.

A stroke can also be a wake-up call to just how important our health is and lots of respondents shared feeling that they really want to protect their health and wellbeing going forward and are making that more of a priority. Whether that looks like cutting our alcohol or cigarettes, being more active, eating healthier or reducing stress in their lives.

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5. “Having a stroke taught me to appreciate the little things in life”

When you lose basic functions, that many take for granted, you really begin to understand the meaning of ‘appreciating the small things.’

In short, for those of us living with profound lasting disabilities the small things become VERY big things. Until you can understand the absolute victory of being able to say your child’s name again for the first time, being able to chop vegetables for dinner or making the bed then you may not fully understand the gravity of the small and significant everyday achievements.

6. “Having a stroke taught me to let go of perfection”

For many not being able to physically do household tasks whether due to physical impairments or neuro fatigue has meant a departure from perfectionism. This may come with frustration or guilt, but it can also teach us to let go of what we can’t control.

Does it really matter if your carpet isn’t hoovered as often as you like? In the grand scheme of things… not really. Being unable to control your life as you once did has taught us that the world doesn’t stop if you are not in control. Letting go of perfectionism can be a frustrating and painful lesson but it can also feel a lot like freedom!

7. “Having a stroke taught me A LOT about patience”

Stroke recovery is a very long and arduous marathon and not a sprint. In early recovery feeling inpatient and therefore irritable can be expected. The pre-stroke you were used to being able to do everything at a very different speed. You are now learning or re-learning life and everything from how to speak, walk, talk, think, socialise, and work. The key is learning to be patient (and not beating yourself up when you feel inpatient or angry).

A lot of survivors feel they are more patient. They have learnt the hard and difficult way that direction is much more important than speed.??

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8. “Having a stroke taught me how to be more compassionate”

Going through something so traumatic can really provide insight into the struggles of ourselves and others. After a stroke many note feeling more tender and aware of the struggles of others. A sense of truly understanding the darkness that can be experienced physically or mentally as part of our human experiences.

There is a level of understanding that can be felt when recognising a pain in someone else that you relate to in some way. Our community is testament to that and just how common it is for survivors to want to reach out, connect and support other families affected by stroke. It is truly special to witness.

9. “Having a stroke taught me the importance of putting my needs first”

?For the people pleasers amongst us you may notice a huge change after stroke. All of the effort it can take to get through the day as a stroke survivor means that there is likely not much energy left for everyone else. This can feel like a curse but can also be a blessing.

Your days may have to be curated and what you can and can’t do become paramount. For many survivors making adaptations is not a choice but a necessity to enable a better quality of life. Putting your needs first is not selfish but, instead a beautiful example of really taking care of yourself. This can inspire those around you. As the saying goes… “you can’t pour from an empty cup”!

10. “Having a stroke taught me to not live to work”

We live in a capitalist society and many of us grew up being told that success was measured in terms of careers and finances. If in the rush hour of your life you hit a bump in the road such as a stroke this can feel catastrophic!

We all need money to put food on the table but what if you can’t work anymore? Going back to the drawing board on what your life will look like is daunting. Some survivors who contributed to this blog were self-proclaimed ‘workaholics’ pre-stroke and high levels of stress could have contributed.

Everyone needs a purpose in life. We need to feel we are contributing and valuable. Ambition and wanting to do well in life are admirable but not at the cost of your health and happiness.

Many survivors do return to work, or forge new careers more suited to them post-stroke. For survivors who can’t work, finding purpose and fulfilment in other ways has been brilliant, whether, through volunteering, hobbies, or sports to name just a few.?

Whatever the lessons having a stroke taught you, you don’t have to do it alone.

I can help you with coaching to get where you want to.

Stay Strong

Samantha

Master Stroke Coaching