What having anxiety has taught me about strength and resilience.

I have anxiety. Sometimes I have panic attacks, although, thankfully they are rare.

I'm a certified transformational life coach and registered yoga instructor. I've been trained in breathing techniques, various types of guided meditation, and have an advanced understanding of exercise physiology. I am well-versed in how neurological changes and patterns generate our emotions and overall attitude. I am also acutely aware of the impact internal monologues (for those of us who have them) have on our mental health.

One would argue that I am well equipped with many tools to manage anxiety. And I am. So when I woke up this morning with continued flurries in my chest and diaphragm, my stomach doing summersaults, I went right into my morning routine. On this particular day though, the anxiety is lingering and as I worked through it this morning, I felt a jolt of inspiration.

Emotions are like rollercoasters - one minute we're soaring through sunny skies, the next we're plummeting towards earth at a heart-pounding speed.

I know that in a few minutes, most likely I will be on to something else and this feeling of impending doom will be gone. It's moments like this that teach me that strength comes from knowing that I may need to pull myself back up ten times today, but each time I do, I get a reminder that getting back up is possible. The capability to calm yourself - that is strength. The knowledge that I can, in fact, make it through whatever this is - that is resilience.

Vulnerability can feel disarming, which is why it doesn't just require strength...but it does build it, along with confidence and grit. If you're like me, you get super excited about taking on a new challenge and equally terrified that you might fail miserably on full display for all your peers. Evolving a fixed mindset into a growth mindset is not easy and, sometimes, it takes daily effort. In those moments, I get real with myself: things might not go down how I want, but that no matter what happens it will either work or it won't and I'll have either enjoyed myself or not. Regardless of what happens: I've collected new data. And since I prefer anxiety over regret, this is how I remind myself that I am capable of doing hard things (thank you, Glennon!). Hard things like living through potential embarrassment or enjoying unforeseeable success. It's important to remember that success can be more intimidating than failure, since it often means more work and more challenges are ahead.

Each time I bring myself back from the brink of a panic attack, is one more moment in my life I can point to when I feel uneasy and use it as proof that I do have the power to take care of myself. The result is far fewer moments where I tell myself everything is horrible and will never get better because I'm unworthy and suck at all the things, all the time and always have. When those moments inevitably arise, I can once again remind myself that I will never know if I don't try.

It's a strength loop: no matter what happens, you get stronger. You keep laying the planks that will bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to be.

When I do that for myself, I can feel the resiliency fall around me like a cozy blanket or my favorite cardigan. It's reassuring to me to know that we hold the keys to our own well-being, we just have to know how to use them. We have to flex those muscles enough that we get the benefits of muscle memory - of habitualizing self-care in moments where it can feel like the walls are closing in on you. We can't stop bad things from happening to us, but we can stop having those negative moments blind us from all the good and growth and resiliency at our fingertips.

I know that I can handle more than I ever thought possible because I can look back at what I have gotten through up til now. It can be very easy to ignore your track record when you are feeling like you can't get through whatever new barrier is in your way. But I bet you can. I bet if you showed yourself some love and compassion you would see that you've gotten through hard stuff before and you can do it again...and again...and again.

Kalina Leopold is a hype woman, legal tech enthusiast, and a big fan of karaoke. She loves to travel, meet new people, and ask questions she doesn't know the answer to. Follow Kalina for more articles on #legaltech, #healthandwellness, #leadership, #dei, and more.