What Happens When you're left with More Questions than Answers?

I must pause and be honest to admit that this was not the content I was planning for today, but I do believe it's the content that will have the greater impact. Yesterday was my usual morning routing. Wake early, pray, meditate, journal, study, and get out in nature (if weather permits). I've placed a boundary of not getting on my phone until after my routine, unless it's an emergency. It wasn't until I was a couple of hours into the workday that I realized tragedy had struck for the family and loved ones of former Mrs. USA Cheslie Kryst.

If someone looked up beauty and brains in the dictionary, she was the embodiment. Not because of her outward appearance (though that certainly didn't hurt matters), but what she stood for outside of the pageant stage. She was a lawyer, and advocate for justice. She even worked pro-bono for clients who were low-level drug offenders. She was changing far more than dresses; her mission was to change lives.

In 2019, she won the coveted Mrs. USA crown which also opened doors for her to take her talent and become a host on Extra. This garnered her not only one, but two Emmy nominations. I lay out all these accolades not to ingratiate her with praise, but to call to mind the importance that no matter what we achieve outwardly, there must be an urgency about what thoughts, voices, beliefs systems, and mantras are firing off inwardly. On many social media platforms, we are programmed to focus on the external. Let's keep it real, that's how sales are driven. You even see the word happiness starting to climb the ladder in mental health circles and communities. However, there can be a myriad of beliefs and inner turmoil that keep any man or woman from being fulfilled.

Let's not forget that just last week, we were hit with the news of the suicide of Ian Alexander Jr. Son of Oscar winner Regina King. In both cases, no one saw it coming. It's very difficult to detect signs of suicide as the individual gives away very little. Ian left a cryptic Instagram post, and even more mysterious was the social media post of Cheslie. She wrote, "may this day bring you rest and peace" Could that have been something she always wanted? She wrote about being trolled after winning the Mrs. USA pageant, and also spending hours deleting nasty comments. Keyboard warriors, please remember that words do affect people.

"People don't fake depression, they fake being OKAY"

She was always seen as the strong one and a bright spot wherever she went. However; she also talked about not having energy, which is a sign of depression. Keep those "STRONG" friends close. Ever since I was a teenager, I was known as the level-headed one in the group, the voice of reason, the old soul, the advisor. However, in 2009, I was pretty close to suicide after abusing prescription drugs just so I could sleep, and stop my thoughts from running all over the place. Once again, no one knew! I faked it very well. I'm grateful for God's intervention, that I had the courage to get away, and seek help with intense counseling (that was life changing).

Cheslie, spoke of seeing a counselor for her mental health. I believe that's a huge step, but somewhere along the line, she may have started carrying things alone (who can say?). For men, this is very critical (especially men of color) You can find all types of men in AA meetings, but when it comes to counseling and therapy, there tends to be an outward bravado of resistance to it that may end up being more harmful than helpful. Either way, as we conclude this article, we still are faced with the confusion of these untimely deaths. There are still answers to questions that only Cheslie, Ian, and many others took to their graves. Truth be told, we are still left wondering.

Best, we can do is keep our eyes, ears, and senses peeled. Sometimes it takes one to know one, so for those of you who have been formerly suicidal, if you see the signs, PLEASE say/do something. For everyone else, we live, learn, and can't proceed in paranoia, but only do our part to support those who are hurting.

And lastly, to the keyboard gangsters (trolls), I pray you get a life, so the recklessness of your words doesn't end up being the tipping point to adversely affect someone else's.

"Like?apples of gold in settings of silver, Is a word spoken at the proper time." (Proverbs 25:11)