What Happens When You’re Aging and Your Family Isn’t Nearby—or Doesn’t Exist?

As we age, especially if we face health challenges, many of us hope to rely on the support of family, friends, or neighbors. But what happens when your family lives far away—or you have no family at all? Who can you turn to for help when you need it most?

In 2020, an AARP report highlighted that 10% of caregivers are friends or neighbors. These individuals, because of their proximity, often notice changes in health or behavior that distant family members might miss. Many times, it’s an unrelated friend or neighbor who first recognizes when an older adult needs extra help.

Building Your Own Support Network

One solution for those without nearby family is to create a "chosen family" or community of support, similar to the Golden Girls model. This involves a group of unrelated people sharing a home, duplex, or even a small farm. Together, they contribute financially and hire additional help, like caregiving or housekeeping services. The setup allows each person to maintain independence while benefiting from a built-in support network of housemates and hired professionals.

Practical Assistance from Friends and Neighbors

Friends and neighbors can play an invaluable role in an aging adult’s care, offering assistance in ways that complement professional services or fill in the gaps. Some of the most common ways friends and neighbors can help include:

• Transportation to medical appointments, social activities, or errands
• Running errands such as shopping or picking up prescriptions
• Meal preparation or helping connect with meal delivery services
• Keeping an eye out for any changes in health or well-being, acting as a lifeline for distant family members

One of the most significant ways friends and neighbors contribute, though, is through companionship. In addition to practical support, knowing someone is there to check in, chat, or share a meal can be just as important as any medication or physical care. Both parties benefit from these social connections, and it helps maintain the mental and emotional well-being of everyone involved.

Challenges and Boundaries in Caregiving

While friends and neighbors often step up to help, it’s important to recognize the balance required in these relationships. No one wants to feel as though they’re overburdening their friends with caregiving responsibilities, and the person receiving care doesn’t want to feel like they’re shifting from a friend to a patient.

Clear boundaries can help. Having open discussions about the limits of assistance and the expectations on both sides ensures that the relationship remains healthy and supportive, not strained.

Legal and Financial Considerations

If friends or neighbors are providing significant care, it’s also wise to consider the potential legal and financial ramifications. Questions of liability, financial interactions, and even power of attorney or guardianship can arise when family isn’t present. It’s important to address these issues early and seek outside guidance to protect both parties involved.

Outside Help and Community Resources

In addition to friends and neighbors, various organizations can provide assistance. Support groups—whether disease-specific or condition-based—offer valuable resources and a sense of community. Faith-based or religious organizations also often provide help that aligns with personal values, offering both spiritual and practical support.

As end-of-life approaches, hospice or palliative care services can offer compassionate care and companionship, easing the burden on friends and neighbors while providing specialized attention during this difficult time.

Reaching Out to Help

If you have an older friend or neighbor, don’t hesitate to reach out and see if they might need your support. Sometimes, a simple offer to help can make a world of difference.