What Happens When Men Stop Ticking Boxes and Start Living on Purpose?

Today, on International Men’s Day, I find myself looking back at the path that brought me here. A path I once walked in silence, carrying the weight of expectations that I didn’t question.

It’s a story many men might recognise.

I had the outward success, the career, the accolades, the financial security. From the outside, it seemed I had it all. But inside? The inside didn’t match the outside. Inside, I felt like I was disappearing.

There was this constant, gnawing question: Is this it?

I remember standing in my kitchen one cold February evening back in 2018, clutching a cup of tea (yes I used to drink tea in the evenings), staring out of the window as the rain slid down the glass. The house was quiet, but my mind wasn’t. It was like a storm of doubt and dissatisfaction swirling endlessly.

Why did I feel so empty when I had everything I thought I wanted?

And the answer was staring back at me in the reflection on the darkened window.

I didn’t know myself anymore.

I’d spent years locked into the script defined by society of what it means to be a man - strong, capable, never showing vulnerability. My emotions were buried, sealed beneath the surface where they couldn’t hurt me or let others know my vulnerability and weakness. The anger that bubbled up in their place told a different story.

My relationships suffered. Conversations were shallow, my connections felt fragile, and I was always on, wearing a mask I didn’t know how to take off.

And yet, that moment in the kitchen changed everything. Not instantly. Not dramatically. But it sparked something.

And so to the Journey

That night, I decided to stop ignoring the voice inside me whispering there had to be more. More than just ticking boxes, more than pushing harder, more than living a life that looked good but didn’t feel right.

So I began the work. Slowly. Uneasily.

It started with small steps, reading, reflecting, asking myself uncomfortable questions like:

• Who am I without the achievements and the status?
• What do I truly care about?
• What kind of life do I actually want?

There’s a science to this, though I didn’t realise it at the time. Neuroscience tells us about neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to change and adapt through new experiences and repeated thoughts. Researchers at King’s College London found that creating new thought patterns can help reduce stress and improve emotional resilience.

That’s where tools like creative visualisation came in. Every morning, I imagined a life of meaning, of freedom, of feeling fully alive. Science backs this too, a study by the University of Sheffield showed that imagining positive future events activates parts of the brain associated with motivation and action.

Bit by bit, I started to see the man I wanted to become more clearly.

The Power Shift

This wasn’t just about changing what I did, it was about changing how I saw myself. That’s the essence of Positive Masculinity.

It’s not about rejecting masculinity but redefining it. It’s about self-awareness, understanding your beliefs, values, and the systems that shape you. It’s about shifting from living for external validation to living with internal alignment.

I call this The Power Shift.

It’s stepping off the treadmill of societal expectations and stepping into your own truth. It’s learning to prioritise what you care about, optimise your actions to align with your values, and create a vision for your life that excites you.

It takes courage. Facing yourself always does.

But the more I did this work, the more I realised how much the world needs men to do this work.

The Ripple Effect

When men fall in love with who they are, when they embrace their emotions, their strengths, and their humanity, it changes everything.

Relationships deepen. Communities become healthier. Workplaces thrive. And we create a world where our sons and daughters grow up seeing masculinity as a source of strength and compassion.

This Is Positive Masculinity

It’s about leading yourself with integrity. Living a life where you wake up, look in the mirror, and trust the man staring back. A man who is kind, courageous, and connected to himself and others.

That’s why International Men’s Day and Positive Masculinity go hand in hand. It’s a call for us to be better, not by society’s standards but by our own.

So today, I ask you:

• Are you living in alignment with the man you want to be?
• Or are you still ticking boxes that don’t mean much to you?

This isn’t a quick fix or an easy road. It’s a journey of bravery, honesty, and transformation.

But it’s a happier, healthier way for men to live.

And it’s where the real change begins.