What Happens If My Boss Finds Out I'm Job-Hunting?
Dear Liz,
I'm in a horrible spot, and I value your advice. My job is awful, and it's making me sick and making it hard for me to sleep. My boss picks at me and my colleagues about every little thing just to be a jerk. Two of my co-workers have already quit and I've only been in the job six months.
I'm afraid to start job-hunting secretly because if my boss Alex finds out I'm looking for a new job, he'll fire me for sure. I'm a mess over this. It's so hard to go to work in the morning, but the thought of job-hunting behind Alex's back is even worse.
I wrote to a website called The Advice Weenie - I'm sure you know it - and I got back some very discouraging advice which I've included (along with my letter to the Advice Weenie) below. I hope you have more positive suggestions for me than he did!
The Advice Weenie basically told me to deal with my awful job situation, but that's impossible! I'm in the Philadelphia area if that helps. Thanks in advance for your help,
Caroline
P.S. The Advice Weenie also spelled my name wrong in his reply. I feel so alone and helpless. I'm counting on you Liz! Here's the letter I sent to the Advice Weenie:
Here's the answer I got from the Advice Weenie:
Dear Caroline,
How frustrating for you! I'm sorry that you were disappointed by the Advice Weenie's reply. I checked out his website and saw that the Advice Weenie's tagline is "Frank Advice, No Filler" so we can't really be surprised at his very straightforward answer to your question.
What option did the Advice Weenie have, after all, given the constraints you put on him? You said that you can't stand your job, you can't talk to your boss about it and you also can't job-hunt. If you can't go one way and you can't go the other way, you're stuck, and the Advice Weenie made your situation clear.
Here's the important thing, Caroline: If you are stuck, you put yourself in that prison. Two of your co-workers have left their jobs in the past six months alone.
They said "Enough is enough!" and they made their move.
You can do the same thing. Your hard work to improve your job situation will grow the very muscles you need to thrive as a new-millennium working person. This experience will serve you for a lifetime!
The two things you don't want to do (talk to Alex about the air quality in your department on the one hand, and job-hunt on the other) both require the same muscles.
Whether you want to speak up about a problem at work or launch a stealth job search, you have to figure out what you want and then take a step to get it. You have to step through fear in both cases. That's why so many people are stuck the same way you are, Caroline.
They convince themselves that whatever they want is simply impossible and out of reach. That way they don't have to try for it. They can say "It's out of my hands!" and tell their friends "My work situation is horrible, but there's nothing I can do about it!"
The Advice Weenie was only holding up a mirror to show you that you've made your situation impossible by deciding before you even begin that you simply can't change your situation. You might not see that decision as a choice, but it is.
What magic potion could the Advice Weenie possibly give you to fix your problem? You have to get that learning on your own.
In your letter say that can't speak to Alex about your unhappiness, and you also can't send out a Pain Letter or two to put a toe in the job-search waters.
You'll have to decide which course of action is less scary than the other one, because if you don't choose Path A (talk to Alex), Path B (launch a job search) or both of them, then the Advice Weenie will be right!
You'll stay at the job you hate until Alex decides to fire you. Does that sound like the path of a strong and resourceful woman like you?
It's true that Alex could fire you if he finds out you're job-hunting. Here in the U.S. looking for a new job behind your manager's back is only one of a wide variety of things you can get fired for doing. Here are just a few of the things people get fired for (completely legally) every day.
If you're afraid to launch a stealth job search because if Alex finds out, he'll fire you, then there are lots of other behaviors you might want to avoid, too! It's your career, Caroline, and it's your life. Right now Alex is pulling your strings. Why would you give him permission to do that?
If you're nervous about keeping your secret job search under wraps, don't apply to any "blind" job ads and don't send any Pain Letters until you've researched your target company and checked out Alex's LinkedIn profile to make sure he doesn't have any buddies working there. Don't, of course, mention your job-seeking status in your LinkedIn profile or your updates.
Learning to job-hunt under the radar is the new, critical career skill for all of us. There are millions of other people growing the same muscles right now, Caroline!
You can gradually squirrel away some money to tide you over in case Alex fires you, but if you are discreet (and don't tell your remaining workmates about your escape plans) the chance of that happening is remote.
You'll tell every recruiter and employer you speak with that you are job-hunting without your employer's knowledge, and you'll reinforce that message at every opportunity.
If Alex did terminate your employment for job-hunting, you'd be eligible for unemployment. More importantly, you'd be farther down the path to your next gig than you are right now. Take a step, Caroline!
Write your Human-Voiced Resume and start researching new opportunities this weekend. Alex does not have the right to keep dimming your precious flame.
You gave him that right for a short time but now you're taking it back.
He showed up to teach you the valuable lesson that not every manager deserves you - and that the only person who can spring you from your shackles is you!
All the best,
Liz
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