What Happened to Work Life Balance?

The term work life balance has been thrown around with such excess that it seems to just slide right across the table like the green bean casserole at Thanksgiving (speaking personally, obviously) without anyone noticing or taking it seriously.

The truth is. It's dead.

In fact, it may ever never existed at all. But in the age of 24 hour news cycles, life altering and addicting apps aided by endless emails we are all battling against the tide of being plugged in to our technology like cyborgs, and trying to being human.

We strive for that elusive “balance”, but never seem to find it. And if we do, it certainly doesn’t last long. The more we strive to find it, the farther away we get. Alain De Botton, the Swiss-born British philosopher, and author cuts through the noise of this paradox quite simply,

?“There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life.”

True. It's become more clearly evident over the past few years that the way we’re working, isn’t working. And any semblance of an alternative approach seems to evoke a different response that the bore of the work-life balance script that is still aimlessly thrown about. People’s ear’s perk up, their jaw relaxes and the tightness in their chest dissipates ever so slightly.

Yes, there is a better way. I certainly don't possess the keys to it, but through my work I've gathered an extensive body of knowledge, tools, and frameworks to help you build that path for yourself.

We've Gone Off the Rails

It’s no wonder people are open to a new way of working. The research and statistics on stress in our country and much of the Western world is dismal, particularly in fields like healthcare and education, and many are so overloaded they can’t think about slowing down.

We’re over worked, overly stressed, and slowly frying our nervous systems. Both individually and collectively.

This ratcheting up of work stress, continually overloading our neural circuits and insistence on powering through without slowing down for a break has led to a neurological phenomenon that Edward Hallowell calls attention deficit trait.?

ADT is displayed by distractibility, inner frenzy, impatience, and difficulty remaining organized, setting priorities, and managing time. This way of being is of epidemic proportions throughout workplaces in our culture, and its effects on decision making negatively impact the health of the individual, company, and broader culture.

It’s hard to think clearly when your body spends over 50% of your life in "fight or flight mode". It doesn’t make for clear-headed, considerate decision making or rational discussions about the nuanced possibilities that could be considered. This path has led us to a doubling-down of the cultural stories linking work and well-being in our country where today over 70% of it’s adult citizens are overweight or obese.

This is devastating. I don’t share these statistics without a heavy heart and burning desire to help create conversations that help shift cultural attitudes about work and well-being.

To build a healthier future, we need healthy humans, who build healthy communities that influence and create a healthy society.

To begin find time for ourselves to increase our health, well-being, performance and productivity let’s explore these 3 areas to shift the balance of your life.

Your Physical Energy

As Alain de Botton points out, there are things worth fighting for in our life that when we say yes to, we must also say no to something else. But what are those things?

The APA’s 2021 Work and Well-Being Survey of 1,501 U.S. adult workers showed an astounding 44% reported physical fatigue—a 38% increase since 2019.

Have you ever stopped to ask:

• What brings you alive physically?
• How often does it make it onto your schedule?

Think of entirety of your being human. You have an operating system that is immensely complex and there are certain things that energize or drain you.

We often think of exercise, eating health, or prioritizing sleep as after thoughts. Work must come first, period. The data are clear that taking care of yourself first is critical. You are the most important asset.

Forbes highlights this by examining why almost all small businesses fail. Reason #4: “Founder dysfunction” or an inability to prioritize personal development and well-being that promote sound decision making.

This is a shift at the deepest level. It’s an identity-based shift. Exactly the kind that will create sustainable lasting change both in your life and the life of our team or organization.

Start small by consider these questions for reflection:

• How do you become the one in charge of balancing your energy in different areas of your life?
• How well do you sleep at night? What could help improve it that you know how to do already?
• How frequently do you move your body? What benefits to you notice when you do?
• Do you take breaks from staring at a computer screen all day?
• What is your biggest challenge to putting your work down and prioritizing yourself?
• Do you feel supported in this new way of living? If not, how can you create a support system?

Your Mental Energy

Our mental energy is stretched thin in every direction today and it’s leading to ever increasing rates of burnout. The same APA survey also found that nearly 3 in 5 employees reported negative impacts of work-related stress, including lack of interest, motivation, or energy (26%) and lack of effort at work (19%).

Mental Energy allows us to concentrate, focus and work deeply on meaningful projects. Combining and understanding of when we operate most efficiently, with how to reduce distractions is critical to keep our mental energy balanced throughout the day.

We operate under a cultural narrative that has us working in ways that don’t promote well-being or wealth. As Naval Ravikant says, “Work like a lion, not like a cow". Even the most proficient among us can only muster about 3.5 to 4 hours of mental energy on a complex problem or task each day. That’s akin to a lion sprinting for it’s next meal rather than a cow grazing slowly 10 hours per day.

And lastly, schedule time to rest and relax. In Deep Work, Cal Newport calls idleness the “vitamin D for the brain”. If you’re stuck on how to generate a complex solution, can’t seem to break through your income ceiling in your business or have writers block holding you back from your daunting Ph. D. a break might be just what your mental energy needs.

Downtime aids insight and it helps recharge the energy needed to work deeply. Consider these reflection questions to tune into the state of your mental energy daily:

• What time of day are you most focused and energized?
• What do your periods of deep focused work look like? How can you protect them?
• How can you create routine and rituals in your life to limit distraction and increase focus?
• How many hours a day do you spend on your phone vs how many is ideal for you?
• What is the worst thing that could happen if you looked at email less?

Your Emotional Energy

Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate emotions. The ability to express and control emotions is essential, but so is the ability to understand, interpret, and respond to the emotions of others?

Emotional Intelligence is comprised of 4 distinct skills:

-?????????Self-regulation/Awareness

-?????????Empathy

-?????????Social and Relational Skills

-?????????Motivation

Developing awareness of our emotional state throughout the day and checking in regularly can help shift our balance to more positive, open emotional states. It can take just a few seconds for something to trigger us into “fight or flight”, ratcheting up our sympathetic nervous system, but take hours for us to return to a relaxed state.

Preparing in advance for the challenges of the day or the week can help us to preempt these hijackings, but can also give us the foresight to see when challenging days may arise and plan to reset in their aftermath.

Focusing on your mental energy is critical. Here’s some ways to reflect on how you’re doing:

• What ways can you defuse or receive negative emotions?
• How can you use physical or mental energy habits to support your emotional energy?
• What do you do to express or feel gratitude and joy in your life?
• What new beliefs or stories could you adopt to shift your lens on challenging situations?

Surfing the Waves of Life

Striving for balance is often driven by negative emotions like judgement or fear. Yet as Alain De Botton eloquently depicts, striving for balance is futile because everything around and within us is always shifting.

Surfing the waves of life creates ease of flow. It helps generate positive energy, keep us our immune system healthy and enhances our performance because it’s driven by positive emotions.

Explore these questions in depth, or use them as resets when you’re feeling pulled too far in one direction.

And when all else fails ask yourself:

What is the most important thing I should be doing right now??