What happened?? When Tragedy Strikes Be One Who Truly Helps.

In times of tragedy, peoples first instinct is often to ask, "What happened?" It's a response, driven by our curiosity and desire to understand. But when a friend or family member is going through a crisis, this question is not helpful. I've seen firsthand how this well-intentioned inquiry can add to the emotional burden rather than alleviate it. I have recently witnessed this personally in addition I have watched this in action when helping others in times of crisis. Most recently fielding calls and questions from others due to our community sudddenly losing someone special. The endless need to know the details is frustrating to say the least.

Why Asking "What Happened?" Is Unhelpful

When tragedy strikes, the person affected is already overwhelmed. They’re trying to process their emotions, manage immediate concerns, and possibly deal with physical or logistical issues. Every time someone asks, "What happened?" the person experiencing the tragedy is compelled to recount the painful details. This repetition is draining and distressing, forcing them to relive the trauma repeatedly. Instead of moving forward, they are anchored to that moment of pain. Imagine being in their shoes—each retelling is like reopening a wound that is struggling to heal. Asking " What happened?" shifts the focus from support to satisfying our own need for information.

We all know how gossip can be incredibly damaging, especially during a crisis. When people start discussing the details of a tragedy without the affected person's consent, it leads to misinformation, increased stress, and quite frankly, betrayal. Gossip turns someone's personal pain into public spectacle, stripping away their privacy and dignity.

I remember when my daughter had a major car accident with 4 other kids in the car, within hours, our social circles were buzzing with half-truths and exaggerated stories. Instead of finding support, we felt invaded and isolated. This is just one of many experiences that taught me the importance of respecting privacy and needing true confidants in tragic situations.

Compassion isn’t about knowing all the details; it’s about being there in meaningful ways. It’s about showing empathy and understanding without demanding explanations. By focusing on what your co worker, friend or family member needs, rather than your own curiosity, you become a true source of support and comfort.

What to Do Instead

1. Offer Support: Simple phrases like "I'm here for you," "What do you need right now?" or "How can I help?" show that you’re ready to support them in whatever way they need.
2. Be Present: Sometimes, your presence alone can be comforting. Offer a listening ear without pressing for details. Let them share at their own pace.
3. Provide Practical Help: Whether it’s cooking a meal, taking care of household chores, or just sitting with them, practical support can ease their burden.
4. Respect Their Privacy: Understand that they may not be ready or willing to share everything. Give them space and let them lead the conversation.
5. Follow Up: Check in regularly, not just immediately after the tragedy. Grief and recovery take time, and ongoing support is crucial.

Personal Reflections

Reflecting on my own experiences, as I am currently in a particularly challenging period where my family is facing several significant crisis. The relentless inquiries about "what happened" feels like salt on an open wound. What truly helps are the friends who show up with a hot cup of tea , a warm hug, or a simple text saying they were thinking of us. They didn’t need the details to offer their support; their actions spoke volumes.

It's during these moments that I realized the profound impact of being present and compassionate without and self serving motives. Those who weren’t there to satisfy their curiosity but to genuinely help me through a tough time made the difference and support I needed.

Remember, the goal is to uplift and assist, not to satisfy our own need for information. In moments of crisis, let’s strive to be the kind of co-workers,friends and family who offer solace and strength, helping to navigate people through their toughest times with a little more ease and grace.

Love, light & prosperity,

Jenn Maher

Soulful Prosperity Coach