What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, Marshall Goldsmith

The Trouble With Success

Goldsmith’s regimen for people coached:

• Solicit 360 feedback from colleagues (up, down, sideways)
• Confront them with what everybody thinks of them
• Help them apologize to everyone affected
• Help them advertise their efforts to get better
• Help them follow up religiously every month or so with their colleagues
• As part of follow up process, listen without prejudice. 
• The only proper response to whatever they hear is gratitude.
• Teach feedforward miracle for eliciting advice. 

Cognitive dissonance means that the more we believe something is true, the less likely we are to believe the opposite is true, even in the face of clear evidence that shows we are wrong. This works in favour of successful people when they apply it to themselves to “stay the course” but works against them when they should change course.

Successful people tend to be superstitious - they confuse correlation with causality.

People will do something - including changing their behaviour - only if it can be demonstrated that doing so is in their best interests as defined by their own values. 

• Money (a raise)
• Power (promotion)
• Status (office)
• Popularity (being liked by everyone) - e.g. leave a legacy, be a role model, create a great company

Shift to neutral: instead of couching everything as positive or negative, become neutral first. It’s usually daunting for a person to convert all their negative action into positive actions. Simpler way to “be nicer” is to “stop being a jerk” first - do nothing; know when to stop. 

Before fixing faulty behaviour, must fix flaws in interpersonal behaviour, often leadership behaviour. These are not flaws of skill, intelligence, or unchangeable personality. These are everyday annoyances from:

1. Winning too much (arguing too much, putting down others, ignoring, withholding info, playing favourites)
2. Adding too much value 
3. Passing judgment - instead of passing judgment on feedback, thank the other person in a mission neutral way (like doctors fixing an issue without judging what had happened).
4. Making destructive comments - avoid doing this in front of people and even behind their back
5. Starting with “No”, “But” or “However” - instead say “thank you” first
6. Telling the world how smart we are - we’re insulting the other person when we say/suggest how smart we already are (e.g. don’t bother to show you already knew that. instead, thank the other person)
7. Speaking when angry - don’t justify anger as a management tool because that will be the only thing people remember of you. Anger is solely your doing. At least keep quiet so that no one gets affected. 
8. Negativity or “Let me explain why that won’t work” - get away from people who do this
9. Withholding information - set aside inviolate time to update others 
10. Failing to give proper recognition - make a list and drop a note to recognise people
11. Claiming credit that we don’t deserve - record down and pat yourself on the back for your achievements each day, and also ask if anyone else deserved credit for what you achieved.
12. Making excuses - say sorry and stop there. you can explain but don’t give an excuse. Don’t even stereotype yourself with self-deprecating excuses because it risks becoming self-fulfilling. 
13. Clinging to the past - accept the past and change the future. Don’t cling to it as an excuse
14. Playing favourites - don’t encourage behaviour that serves you but is not in the best interests of the company
15. Refusing to express regret - to gain a friend, let them do you a favour. First apologise to every person who agrees to help you. Cede power to get rewarded. Apologise to people for your behaviour - “e.g. There are some things at which I want to be better. I’ve been disrespectful to … Please accept my apologies. There is no excuse for this behaviour and…” When you declare your dependence on others, they usually agree to help and also transform themselves in the process.
16. Not listening
17. Failing to express gratitude - if you don’t know what to say, default response should be “thank you”
18. Punishing the messenger - say “thank you” instead
19. Passing the buck
20. An excessive need to be “me” - e.g. giving an excuse that giving recognition is phony and not “me”.
21. Goal obsession - even the honourable pursuit of a difficult goal set by someone else could turn us into cheaters or self-absorbed schemers who push away people who don’t help us achieve our goal. This is not a flaw in itself but a creator of flaws. Never lose sight of the broader vision when you work towards a goal. 

Correct these irritant behaviours to get allies instead of defending behaviours that alienate. Also, self diagnosis often tends to overestimate strengths and weaknesses.

How to Change for the Better 

The interpersonal flaws revolve around 2 factors:

• Information compulsion - people have an overwhelming need to tell you something you don’t know, even if it’s not in their best interests
• Emotion

So always ask 2 questions first:

• Is it appropriate
• How much should I convey

Marshall interviews 15 pax on average for an hour each for their 360 feedback (at least 8 to max 31 pax). Before doing so, he first asks his client who should be interviewed (so that they won’t deny the validity of the feedback). Interviews must make 4 commitments:

1. Let go of the past
2. Tell the truth
3. Be supportive and helpful - not cynical or negative
4. Pick something to improve yourself - so everyone is focused more on “improving” than “judging”

The idea is to filter out people who are not committed to helping.

Getting feedback is easy. Dealing with it is hard. Don’t ask for feedback, then get defensive and give your opinions. The reason we accept feedback on other matters (e.g. salary review) is because we accept the process. 

Feedback format - Does the executive in question:

• Clearly communicate a vision
• Treat people with respect
• Solicit contrary opinions
• Encourage other people’s ideas
• Listen to other people in meetings

Feedback comes in 3 forms: Solicited, Unsolicited and Observation

• Solicited feedback: You need an unbiased third party to poll because you may not (a) ask right people, (b) ask right questions, (c) interpret answers properly, or (d) accept them as accurate, especially in a power relationship. The only question that you yourself need to ask is “How can I do better?” Should (a) solicit advice rather than criticism, (b) be directed towards the future rather than obsessed with the negative past and (c) must be couched in a way that suggests you will act on it. 
• Unsolicited feedback: Must be grateful for blindside events that remind us of Johari window, a 4-pane grid - unknown to self known to others (blind spots), known to self known to others (public knowledge), known to self unknown to others (private knowledge), unknown to self and to others (i.e. unknowable). So problems we deny to ourselves may be obvious to others. Marshall realised that he was too fixated on impressing his professor during his PhD module.
• Observation: (1) Make a list of people’s casual remarks about you. (2) Turn the sound off (to observe physical gestures & movements more sensitively), (3) complete the sentence (“I want to …exercise. If I exercise, I will …live longer.” The deeper you get into it, the more personal the answers become (e.g. If I become more organised, the company will make more money… my team will become more productive, …other people will enjoy their jobs more… I’ll be a better person”, (4) Listen to your self-aggrandising remarks & challenge it because your boasted strengths and disclaimers could possibly be your most egregious weaknesses, (5) Look homeward by asking your family to check your claims. 

After getting FEEDBACK, the magic move is to APOLOGISE: “I’m sorry. I will try to do better in future”. The last addition helps to put the past behind. Nothing more.

Then ADVERTISE. Tell the world exactly what you are planning to change. To gain 10% credit, must do 100% better because of the cognitive dissonance stereotypes people have of you. So tell people, repeat weekly, ask for ideas to get better. 

• And don’t skip the “dumb phase” - must advertise relentlessly. Must woo up (get superior approval), woo laterally (get peers to agree) and woo down (get direct reports to accept). Dedicate even more effort here. 
• Treat every day like a press conference so that you are on alert on what to say, treat every day as an opportunity to hit home your message (you backslide if you don’t remind people), treat every day as a chance to take on all challengers, think of the process as an election campaign where your colleagues elect you, and think long term (in weeks or months than day to day)

Listening - Frances Hesselbein, former executive director of the Girl Scouts, is a world class listener - she always thinks before speaking. Also, listen with respect like Bill Clinton who made people feel like they were the only person in the room. Before speaking, ask “is it worth it?”

Clinton made a point of knowing something about you and saying something to let you know he knew it - i.e. bragging about you to you.

The more you subsume your desire to shine, the more you will shine in the other person’s eyes:

• Listen
• Don’t interrupt
• Don’t finish the other person’s sentences
• Don’t say “I knew that”
• Don’t even agree with the other person (even if he praises you, say “thank you”)
• Don’t use “no”, “but” and “however”
• Don’t be distracted. Don’t let your eyes or attention wander while the other person is talking.
• Maintain your end of the dialogue by asking intelligent questions that (a) show you are paying attention, (b) move the conversation forward, and (c) require the other person to talk (while you listen)
• Eliminate any striving to impress the other person with how smart or funny you are. Your only aim is to let the other person feel that he or she is accomplishing that.

Write THANK YOU notes to everyone you are grateful for.

Must FOLLOW UP to actually change. Appoint someone as your coach - to ask you a prescribed set of questions without judging you (even if it’s your spouse or parent).

• 100% of Marshall’s said they will go back to apply what they learnt but only 70% of their direct reports confirmed that their bosses applied the lessons (remaining 30% said boss did nothing).
• Enormous disconnect between understanding and doing. Even though 70% applied lessons, the question is whether they actually got better.

People don’t get better without follow up. Must ask for input on a regular basis. 

Practice FEEDFORWARD in 4 steps:

1. Pick behaviour - I want to be a better listener 
2. Describe objective in one-on-one dialogue with anyone you know (stranger is better because they don’t know your past)
3. Ask that person for 2 suggestions for the future. 
4. Listen attentively to the suggestions and say thank you.

• Repeat the above process with someone else. And again.

FEEDFORWARD changes the future but not the past. People do not take it as personally as they do feedback. Also forces us to ask for help and gives the other person the license to answer. 

Pull out all stops: The key to Marshall’s success is client selection. He qualified his clients to the point where he almost can’t fail. He doesn’t place sucker bets. Successful people do this when they are fully prepared for negotiation rather than winging it. 

• Rule 1: Don’t offer to cure diseases that are not your forte. Marshall refuses to coach people who don’t actually have a disease he can cure - e.g. they may need a media coach (to teach how to spin the media) or technology mentor. Be wary that feedback can be misinterpreted and it sometimes reveals a symptom, not a disease. 
• Rule 2: Pick the right thing to change. Marshall does not weigh in on what people want in life - he’s mission neutral. He does, however, have strong opinions about how they choose to achieve those goals. He often needs to first convince successful people not to overcommit to fixing everything. Commend people for starting on the journey to improve - if they commit, success is a forgone conclusion. 
• Rule 3: Don’t delude yourself about what you really must change.
• Rule 4: Don’t hide from the truth you need to hear. Collect and review feedback and it becomes a pure numbers game to see exactly which areas you need to improve on. 
• Rule 5: There is no ideal behaviour. Benchmarking can be hazardous if applied poorly - quest for “perfect” can drive away “better”. You can’t dominate in all categories and neither can your company. But everything gets better with just one change.
• Rule 6: If you can measure it, you can achieve it. Everything can be measured, even soft aspects like time spent talking to someone.
• Rule 7: Monetize the result, create a solution. Make yourself pay for mistakes until you realize it acutely enough to change. One manager recognized that his executive assistant was most u Ji critical to his success 
• Rule 8: The best time to change is now. Marshall learnt that only 70% of his attendees follow through on what they learnt. So 30% non compliance rate - these 30% are stuck in a dream that they are too busy now but that things will get better soon and that they will set aside time to look into this. This is a mirage. That time will never come. Instead, ask “what am I willing to change now?” Just do that. More than enough. For now.

Try writing a “Memo to staff: How to handle me”

• Warn people of your tendencies. But you must be brutally honest – e.g. “Listen, I like to punish the messenger, so be very careful when bringing me bad news. I may bite your head off even if it’s not your fault”. 

Stop letting your staff overwhelm you: Marshall coached a boss to delegate by asking her staff 2 questions: (1) are there areas where you think I need to be more involved and less involved, and (2) do you ever see me doing things that a person at my level shouldn’t be doing, such as getting involved in details that are too minor to worry about? 

Stop acting as if you are managing you: the golden rule fallacy is that you cannot treat people as you want them to treat you because others are not you - i.e. others may not be star debaters or legally trained to appreciate how you like to manage yourself. So they may shut down or get confused if you try to debate every plan or insist on strict documentation.

Stop “checking the box”: e.g. not enough to just write a memo. Must follow up actively. 

Stop being prejudiced about your employees: Biggest prejudices are

1. I know what they want (e.g. that bonus matters, that money penalties work. Generally people in their 20s want to learn, 30s want to advance, 40s want to rule).
2. I know what they know (must feel you care).
3. I can always get someone else (but companies need knowledge workers more than these workers need companies)

Stop trying to coach people who cannot be coached: these are the people who shouldn’t be coached 

1. people who don’t think they have a problem
2. people who are pursuing the wrong strategy 
3. people who should not be in their jobs - people who feel that they are in the wrong job or that their skills are being misused. Ask them how they’ll feel if the company shuts down - sad, surprised or relieved? They’ll say relieved.
4. people who think everyone else is the problem. One of the bosses Marshall coached had brought him in to fix his employees instead of fix himself for only compensating people better if they threatened to quit and showed proof. 

Write a letter that you think your 95 year old self will tell your current self. You are there now. So the next step is simply to do what your letter says.