What got you here won’t get you there. AKA How to exploit your “impostor syndrome” to propel you forward

Ever felt like an impostor at work? Here's 5 tips I've learnt the hard way that you could try out next time

Pressed for time? jump straight at the bottom of this article for a?TL,DR.

Fake it until you make it? Hmm…maybe.

Sadly that’s not my style.

Like most women, or so I am told, I need to have experienced a new task at least once to feel confident I can do it. However, as a digital consultant, my job is to solve problems in a highly complex and highly ambiguous space: each challenge thrown my way is radically different from the previous one, and most of the times there is no safety net…

What is commonly referred as “Impostor Syndrome” creeps up on me so regularly that we had to become friends.

In this post I’ll share a few tips I’ve learned to make sense of those feelings of self-doubt, anxiety and random insecurity most of us experience at least a few times in our lives. Most importantly I’ll share what you can actually do to counterbalance them.

1. The more you know, the more you think you don’t know ?? Don’t let this feeling paralyse you. It’s actually a good sign

Ahead of the most difficult University exams, my mum used to say that that feeling of dread when I thought I didn’t know anything and was likely to fail was a very good sign… and she would always tell me to beware of the feeling of self-assurance and certainty as it most definitely meant I hadn’t revised enough.

At the time, I hated the fact she was proven right over and over again. But little by little I learnt to interpret the fact I still felt ill-prepared after spending weeks revising as a sign things would be ok. This knowledge didn’t stop me from experiencing that horrible feeling in my stomach each time an exam was approaching but prevented me from letting it paralyse me.

I presume my mother was paraphrasing a famous quote from ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle: “the more you know, the more you realise you don’t know”.

Or as brilliantly expressed in the graphic above…

2. Anxiety signals you are about to experience something new. Learn to embrace it: you can use it as fuel

My experience is that when I get stuck in my comfort zone it quickly becomes boring. It is safe, I know, but it’s actually super boring — i.e. the opposite of exciting. My competencies stall, I stop learning, I get demotivated and I end up losing out on the opportunity to grow and advance/get better at whatever I want to do next. Have you ever experienced something similar, too?

Quite literally to continue growing you have to push yourself to do things you have never done before. That’s the only way to do it, no sugarcoating. And sometimes it could be scary as hell.

To solve new problems you have to go through unchartered territories. And of course, you are going to make mistakes…

All of this naturally comes with an array of alarm bells. Since we do not know what’s going to happen, this spells imminent danger. We start to worry. Our worries trigger a defence mechanism that activates the?limbic system? in our brains. Our body releases adrenaline and our stress response takes over…

What I find incredibly interesting is that?our thoughts are responsible for what is going on in our body.?They trigger the release of chemicals that make us “feel” a certain way. When the worries in our mind start to “appear” in our body, we look for a real threat. And guess what happens when we do not see any real threat? We start to worry even more! As if there was an actual predator lurking in the dark around us that we are sure we have seen but can’t locate any longer. We know it’s about to attack us but we don’t know from which side… scary stuff.

From this point onwards, it is really easy to misinterpret those signals or, worse, let them morph into that little voice in our head that seems to be saying “you aren’t good enough” and whispers negative thoughts in our ears all the time. In turn, these become paralysing beliefs. We feel worthless and unable to move forward, anxiety takes over...

If you ever experienced it, you know what I’m talking about… it’s DREADFUL.

I’m going to share with you a secret. You see,?physiologically, the chemical response to anxiety and excitement are so similar that are almost interchangeable.?So much that

We can trick mind and body to believe we are excited when we are in fact worried, scared or nervous.

Once we realise we are about to experience those stressful feelings, we can learn to reframe the situation and move forward using the adrenaline being released to fuel the excitement.

Mel Robbins does an excellent job to explain what goes on in our mind and shares?a trick to master anxiety ?in an episode of her podcast. I like her explanation so much that it’s probably best if you?hear it directly .

What’s the limbic system?

It’s a part of our brains there to protect us from danger. It’s been there for millions of years and for a really long time it was there to save us from were very real threats. It was literally what made the difference between life and death.

Nowadays, most of us don’t risk our lives that often anymore but our brain does not know that. For our brain,?what we imagine, believe or think is actually quite similar to what we experience in real life . After all, isn’t everything we experience filtered by our own perception and interpreted by our mind?

If we pay attention to what happens, we can learn to deal with this irrational side of ours and find mechanisms to exploit it to our own advantage. It takes a bit of practice (and is really hard to do it in the moment!) but over time it is possible to notice, recognise and deal with these feelings and stress reactions. Personally, practicing as little as 10 minutes of guided meditation a day has helped me hugely in my own journey. I’m far from done but at least that’s a start ;)

3. Self-doubt is a prompt to learn, not to quit: confidence is a muscle built on mistakes.

Noel Burch’s “Conscious competence learning model” describes the journey from unconscious incompetence through to unconscious competence. E.g. growing from not knowing anything about something to becoming a master in that field, who can trust their intuition and get it right without effort all the time.

Jared Spool has a lovely article about how you can exploit this model to achieve a range of different things?here .

To master something you have never done before you have to approach it with a beginner’s mindset. And be prepared to make mistakes early and often.

This means reframing things all the time, being open to learn new things every day. It means to learn to admit mistakes and say when we don’t know something – letting go of perfectionism and remaining vulnerable throughout, seeking external feedback frequently.

As they say, good judgment comes from experience… and experience comes from poor judgment…

Easier said than done, I know, but like for everything else in life, practice makes perfect ;)

4. You can use your body to trick your brain

I have referred earlier to the fact?what we imagine or believe becomes real .

The opposite is incredibly and counterintuitively also very true:?what we experience in our body, influences what we think and feel.

Our brain is a fascinating organ indeed.

In fact, we can develop a system to influence what happens in our brain using our body posture. Even holding a pencil horizontally in your mouth for a little while affects your mood as it tricks your brain to believe you’ve been smiling.

The best tip I’ve learnt helps me calm down ahead of important presentations.

I used to feel paralysed ahead of any important talk, interview or presentation and to really dread them. This trick made that feeling disappear forever.

It’s extremely simple: it consists of putting all the weight of my body on my front foot for a few minutes ahead of the start of the talk and keep it there for the ENTIRE LENGTH of the talk. Trust me, it’s incredibly powerful.

I didn’t believe it would work until I tried it and since then it has helped me hugely. Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself: it really works.

And to give credit where credit is due, I’ll forever be thankful for Deborah Frances-White — the performer behind?The Guilty Feminist ?— for this tip. She eloquently described this and a lot lot more in an amazing talk I attended a while back during my advertising days.

For the geeks among us here’s a brief explanation of what I was told happens inside our heads.?Back again thousands of years ago when it was a matter of life and death, seeing a lot of eyes looking in our direction spelled only one thing: immediate danger. It could have been a herd of wild animals ready to stomp on us if frightened, a bunch of predators ready to have breakfast, a mob of angry villagers or anything in between, you get the gist.

The bit where we learnt the fine art of oratory and persuasive speaking to address vast crowds became popular a few thousand years down the line from there… so our brain is programmed to trigger flight or freeze stress responses almost automatically as soon as it sees lots of eyes staring back at us. And it’s very difficult to do anything about it “cognitively”. However, we can trick our brain to believe everything is ok using our body. If we step towards the crowd, or hint that we are ready to do that by putting the weight on our front foot, that signals to the brain that the environment is safe. After a few seconds the blood starts to flow to other areas of the brain, making us feel more relaxed and turning off all the alarm bells that were automatically triggered by the situation.

Remember the pose, and stay in that position for as long as you are on stage: the moment you start retreating, the anxiety kicks in again.

5. Finally, keep in mind you are always in control.

It’s something inexplicably easy to forget but you are?always?on the driving seat. All. The. Time.

Stop delegating to others the power to influence your own perceptions and feelings.

Other people are not in your head and it’s highly likely they are equally preoccupied by their own feelings and concerns about their own performance and personal issues as you are. Concentrate all your efforts on rewriting the narratives that play out loud in your mind, you are their author after all :)

Also it helps to celebrate small successes early and often

Create rituals to reflect on what goes on, learn from daily experiences and celebrate your own small improvements

The more regularly you reflect on your learnings, recognise and celebrate small successes, the more confident you’ll grow. The system will also improve as you go. It’s an upwards spiral :)

Bonus tip — if you ever get stuck, ask for help.

People love to offer their advice and talk about how they solved similar problems. Find mentors or a support network outside your immediate circle.

If asked in the right way, people will jump at the opportunity to be helpful and useful to others, that’s part of human nature.

Try it for yourself perhaps starting with something of small importance and see how it goes!

Putting what we learn into practice is the best way to find out how anything works anyway.

Good luck!

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TL,DR:

I deal with high complexity and extreme ambiguity on a daily basis. To keep my own sanity, I had to come to terms with my own impostor syndrome.

There are good days and bad days but here 5 of the things I’ve learnt, plus a bonus tip.

1. The more you know, the more you think you don’t know. Recognise that’s a good sign.?Unless you are actually a complete beginner absolutely unaware of what the thing you want to do entails,?take that feeling as a sign that?you are actually more prepared than you’d want to admit.
2. Those uncomfortable feelings you experience when attempting to go through uncharted territory are a defence mechanism automatically triggered in your brain to protect you from danger.?You can learn to reframe anxiety and use the same energy to propel you forward.?Recognise this as a sign you are about to learn something new and grow a bit more.?See if you can stop worrying about what could go wrong and be excited about what could go right.?Remember that we feel what we think and think what we feel.
3. Embrace a beginner’s mindset.?Self doubt is a signal to learn, not to quit.?Take Michelangelo’s word if you don’t want to take mine for it. He was still learning when he worked on the Sistine Chapel. He was 87 :)
4. Learn to use your body to reassure your brain.??? we think what we feel and feel what we think. Yes, it works both ways.?Put your weight on your front foot when presenting. Move towards your audience. You’ll start feeling better and energised. You don’t believe me? Try it for yourself.
5. You are on the driving seat and in control of how you interpret what’s going on. Become more mindful, spot negative patterns and actively work to rewrite the narratives that sometimes play out loud in your own head. You have total control over them.?Stop relinquishing to others your own power to influence how you feel.

Bonus tip: if you are stuck,?ask for help.?You’ll be surprised to hear that most of us go through very similar experiences in life. A few of us are wired in a way that makes them better at dealing with uncertainty. Others have had to work a lot to get there. No matter what,?most people love to share their advice and talk about their story. This is a great shortcut. You’ll learn a lot more this way and build strong relationships along the way too.

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Further readings — books

*?Feel the fear and do it anyway

*?The Chimp Paradox

*?Crucial Conversations: Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High:

*?Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships

*?Thinking Fast and Slow

TED talks & videos

*?Fake until you become it

*?The power of vulnerability

*?Turn the Ship Around!

Other

*?The Number 1 Sign of High Intelligence