What is a 'good girl' these days?

I dropped a friend off at the station yesterday and from the corner of my eye saw something that made me grin broadly. There was Laurel Thatcher Ulrich's bumper sticker ‘Well behaved women seldom make history’ stuck unglamorously on the rear window of an unassuming small red car. I wondered of the person who drove the car. What was their story? Were they well-behaved? Did they suffer the ‘good girl’ phenomena? Were they even female? I wanted to laugh with them. Out loud, with abandon in that public space without care. Instead, I quietly got into my ute (a proper car for a gal) and chuckled to myself. I’m pretty sure I’d be ranked as erring on the side of being a bad girl tragic.?I grinned all the way home not unhappy with myself.

?The aspects of being the good girl, modest, well behaved, nicely spoken, meeting expectations and heaven forbid showing any passion or emotion and so many more make me sigh. They are well written about too. I guess anyone would find it hard to be or control all or any of those things all of the time but a part of me is so conditioned by it. And, by not being what others think is a ‘good girl’ am I therefore a ‘bad one’ or worse still perhaps a ‘fallen one’? It is an Alice moment where you’re staring down the rabbit hole.

?Still, I should be grateful. I suppose that I have been allowed to come so far. I mean as a woman. Albeit with some controls in place. Geez, a bit cynical and indulgent of me. Sorry, for the melodrama. Tie me to the railway tracks please.

?On my journey as a leader I have experienced on numerous occasions that uncomfortable feeling where you know you are probably not behaving as expected- not being the version of ‘good’ another wants. ?And, if I hear anyone say to me ever again you need to bring your 'A game' to the table I will definitely implode. I've certainly done a lot of eye rolling on that one. It isn't that I don't want to bring my 'A' game but I don't get up every day and think 'Oh, I'll be a B today and slack off for a bit'. And, 'A' game what does that mean anyway. It actually makes me grumpy thinking about it.

Finding yourself on the wrong side of good can be disheartening and challenging. We each handle those moments in different ways.?Ulrich’s bumper sticker reminded me that courage and risk taking is not always celebrated for my gender. In fact, we see courage is often quashed, silenced, and undermined. And, at the extremes punishable too. It seems especially when voiced. What female executive hasn’t found themselves, left out of a conversation, finding out after the fact, being told blatant lies, being lied about, situations manipulated, undermined, ideas dismissed or being told by someone else that so and so is upset with you, unaware of the politics, at the brunt of another’s’ jealousy, that the activity has been allocated to someone else, or that the decision has been made and you’re not needed etc.. Just to name a few. I suspect some of my male executive leaders might find this resonates with them too.

There are many heroines whom I’ve admired and who are likely to be remembered long into the future because they stood out and were very publicly chastised for it. None so impressive as one of our ex-prime ministers, Julia Gillard. She stepped up, stepped in and claimed a victory. She was also punished for it. Her speech on the floor of parliament drew attention to the misogyny ever present and seething. What a moment. And, at what cost?

And what of Grace Tame? Wonderous in her courage and daring to be true to herself and yet her very public ghosting of the then prime minister, ironically as the scandal unfolded on parliamentary behaviour, and then a brutal commentary of how she should have behaved which went as far to say she was mentally unfit, damaged even. When you look at the statistics on domestic violence, child abuse or rape not a day goes by when yet another woman, mother or child meets an untimely death or is abused at the hand of a man. It is horrifying. One might be pleased of Grace' courage which brought attention through her actions if only to highlight the appalling violence omnipresent in our society that impacts often the most vulnerable. Perhaps someone would really hear. ?There has been excellent debate around this in the press.

?We’re talking serious issues here and I don’t want to be disrespectful.

I was delighted to see so many women elected as independent MPs. What a rejoicing and commentary to what the public wants. But, some of the early commentary wasn’t about celebrating that fact but to call out that they are largely white, well to do and it is only a reaction to dissatisfaction from the major parties. They’re really Liberals.

Not all elected independents are white nor female nor liberals. Equally, they all had a platform, they are not the same and they worked incredibly hard and long hours to win those seats. ?And, I have found it extraordinary that in reforming and reframing their response to public rejection of what I might suggest has been pretty ‘bad’ behaviour, that the opposition party has announced that things will change, there is a new fresh more moderate party and a bench load of women to charm the public back. Too late for the talent of Julie Bishop for example and so many others who resigned or lost seats. I wish all those women many good wishes for the road moving forward whether elected or not it is going to be tough. Our politicians are such easy targets.

Well, aren’t tides are changing. So much hope and energy for a different future. Patriarchal structures are being reacted to and with more confidence. Gosh, even the public agree. And, whilst I’m on a rant does anyone think that if it was a female British prime minister they would have survived ‘party gate’? It seems being a ‘bad man’ has a higher risk and tolerance rating. Where has ministerial decorum gone?

Everyday, in smaller less public ways than the women mentioned here, many are acting with courage and come up against the stereotype of being a ‘good girl’ every day. ?I see them in my line of work. I’d support, as Ulrich suggests, that you may well be judged differently in time so take heart for the steps you take but don't be na?ve either. It takes courage to take risks and stand out even in the face of possible retribution. ?And, you accept the risk that sometimes it doesn't work out. We, you and I- we all move on.

I know it is silly of me but I’ve always believed in swings and roundabouts mainly because it keeps me sane for there has to be reason for so much bad behaviour in the universe, right? ?I’ve also been witness to some extraordinary flips. Interestingly, just occasionally, usually a ‘better man’, falls out of the woodwork and apologises. It takes an unusual amount of soul searching and courage to do that.

Most of us are not heroines in the Joan of Arc kind of way but we are in a very interesting period of time and are stronger and have more support than we realise. I'd say though in a somewhat corny way we are all heroines within and we don't need to wait for time to judge us.

Belinda