What Gives?

Last summer, my good friend Michael Haas, US head of real estate at Jones Day, organized a real estate event where Pershing Square’s Bill Ackman interviewed Blackstone’s Jonathan Gray… it doesn't get much better than that. I've known Bill and Jon nearly my entire career, long before the two became billionaires, and in Bill's case, even before he had a seven-figure net worth. The discussion was lively, and I think nearly everyone in the audience was in awe of these two magnates. It was also clear that the two were friends for a very long time, making their interaction more enjoyable.

It was during this interview that Jon said something about his life that I imagine is true of so many motivated and hard-driven professionals. Bill asked Jon (I’m paraphrasing), "What gives? You are successful in business, a philanthropist, and a great family man.” Jon replied that the sacrifice he made was with his friends—and I knew exactly what he meant.  

As a kid, I was an avid golfer and practiced all the time. My senior year, we had a championship team, and I don’t think I shot a round in the 80s (all were in the 70s). I finished 28th and 36th in the Pennsylvania State Championships (PIAA) my Sophomore and Senior years, respectively, not quite following in my sister’s footsteps; she finished 6th her Senior year and went on to play at Penn State and became a PGA teaching pro.

She and my mother both won club championships, while Dad sort of sucked at golf. (He used to say the only one in the family he could beat was Tinker, the dog.) I still would rather play with my dad than anyone else until recently (sorry, Dad), and now it’s a tie with my son. 

I have been a member of a country club near our house for many years, and this is where I have averaged five to seven rounds of golf per year. I have been asked to play by members and friends, but decline because I don't enjoy it too much anymore. And candidly, it makes me too uncomfortable committing that kind of time.

When I play, I don't keep score, and I quit whenever I feel like it—often trying to convince the others that we should only play 9 to 12 holes. I have called my style "zen golf", as nothing should really matter on the course. Naturally, that is very frustrating for the alpha-male players who just want to win. What's my best technique to get people off the course early? Discuss how incredible our club's pastrami is accompanied by a drink called Transfusion (grape juice, ginger ale, substituting tequila for vodka).

So what does this have to do with Jon Gray? Like him, I feel that my career and obligations to my coworkers and family have trumped (a term once used prior to the 45th U.S. presidency) friend time.

Don't get me wrong—I have some amazing friends around me. It’s just that I haven't committed the time to be the best friend I can be because of work and family. That’s “what gave” for me, and it was Jon Gray saying so that made me realize one of the reasons I left golf.

Hopefully, when I decide that work is less important and my son leaves home, I will return to golf with old and new friends and complete an 18-hole round.  

I imagine for Jon, like me, one benefit of this decision is that he has created many important relationships with those he spends most of his hours of the day working. I certainly feel that way at Ackman-Ziff. I feel very fortunate to have formed so many wonderful relationships with clients, some dating back nearly 30 years.

P.S. My 12 year old son took up golf recently and has become obsessed like his old man was as a kid, so I have begun spending more time golfing for obvious reasons. But mostly I have been enjoying teaching him the mental aspects of the game and driving the cart, which is perhaps my favorite thing to do on the course... along with finding other people's lost balls in the woods.

Signing off from Metro-North.

Creative thinking is just one part of what makes Ackman-Ziff the most recognized thought leader in real estate capital advisory. We continue to look for talented professionals to join our growing platform in New York, Miami, Los Angeles, and San Francisco.

Please see my previous posts Looking Back (and Forward). Why I get High Everyday, Let It Grow, The Walk, The Deep-V, and What's in a Name.