What to Get the Person Who Has (Lost) Everything

Last year, we lost our house and most of our belongings in the Tubbs fire in Northern California. Since then I’ve been asked many times what to do for someone who has lost everything.

Here are my thoughts:

Do reach out to them. But don’t expect (or request) an immediate response. The first few days after the fire, my full-time job became responding to all the emails, messages, texts, and phone calls I received from worried friends, clients and family. I didn’t mind, but it did take a lot of time! (I set my Facebook posts to public to provide regular updates, which did streamline things a bit.)

In an emergency I think the best messages are the ones that say: “I’m thinking about you. If I can help let me know. No need to respond right away.”

Don’t get them stuff. At least not right away. They probably have the basics already. After the fire, we went to Wal-Mart to buy everything else we’d need for the near term. People who have lost their house are living in a hotel or staying at a friend or relative’s house. They don’t have anywhere to put a lot of things, and probably won’t for a while.

Gift cards are good. Gift cards are nice because they are easy to store, can be used later, and allow people to purchase what they really need and want. And, if they are not needed, they are easily re-gifted to others with a greater need.

Think through practical immediate needs they might have. We were lucky to get a rental house right away, because a work colleague immediately started making calls for us. My aunt offered to let us stay with her to get out of the bad air. She made us home-cooked meals and took our kids to Old Navy for school clothes and basics. A friend dropped off hand-me-down school uniforms.

Cash does come in handy. I think this is personal. We did not feel comfortable taking money from friends. Some relatives did insist and we accepted the help, but my husband had to swallow his pride. A year later, having had to re-purchase everything we ever owned, I can say it does add up, and insurance won’t cover everything. If you can help someone financially and they are willing to accept the help, do it.  

Offer your time. If you have a free weekend, help disaster survivors make lists, shop, work on the dreaded "insurance spreadsheet," or watch their kids so they can focus on rebuilding their lives. (This doesn't have to be immediately after the disaster -- unfortunately it's a long process!)

Once they are settled, you can give them some stuff. The best gifts are personal. We were so touched when neighbors from our previous city took up a collection and sent us games and hand-me-down clothing. Friends gave us used books, toys and legos for my four-year-old. Another friend replaced my daughter’s beloved skateboard. My great-aunt and cousins surprised us with handmade replacements for our Christmas stockings. Relatives made sure we had keepsakes of my grandmother’s, who had passed away earlier that year. Someone I don’t even know sent a teddy bear and card from her little girl. A work colleague gave us a variety of meaningful Christmas ornaments. Someone brought us meals to freeze. My mom gathered photos from our wedding. All of these gestures were extremely touching. 

Get them something they might not get themselves. After the first few weeks of dealing with the aftermath of the fire, we needed a mental break. We left the kids with a sitter and booked a night in a nice local hotel so we could take a mini-vacation from shopping for new things and dealing with insurance.

The best part of that weekend was getting a relaxing massage. If you’re just not sure what to get, a gift certificate for a massage might be just the thing.

Twelve years ago, I left my corporate job to work for myself. It was one of the best decisions of my life. As a result I've been able to build a multimillion-dollar business, live where I want, travel when I want, and be a more present parent for my (five!) children.

Now I want to help others who want to follow a similar path. I'm developing a series of content to share my blueprint, as well as specific tools, tips and advice to help you take a step toward more freedom, too. Join my email list to be notified when it's available!