What Freedom Really Means

Tomorrow is July 4th, also known as Independence Day in the U.S. It's a day that is symbolic of freedom.?

Freedom means different things to different people. For me, freedom is having?personal sovereignty?that is?acknowledged by others. This requires?trust, respect, and love. Let me explain.???

Recently, a stranger who had read?one of my published articles?reached out to me, asking for advice. Her college-educated daughter had survived a large layoff at her firm, and subsequently quit. That was a year ago, and now she is spending time "working on herself", with the support of a counselor. She is not looking for a job. Her mother, "Jane" (not her real name), is at a loss as to "how to talk to her or what to say or how to proceed". Here's how I replied to Jane:?

Hi Jane,?

I can feel your anxiety and worry for your daughter. As a parent of two adult children, I've been?there.?

It sounds like your daughter knows what she needs right now, and is giving it to herself--time to explore more of who she is. While this is not something you or I might have done in our twenties, our children have personal sovereignty, just as you and I do. We each have the right to make choices, to live our lives as we see fit, and yes, to make "mistakes".?

The advice I can offer is this:??

Love your daughter, with no demands or expectations. Ask, with genuine curiosity, how you can support her. Listen to the answer, with no judgment.???

If this feels difficult, clear out your worry and anxiety first. Journal about your worry and anxiety and then release it. Spend time remembering the many assets that your daughter has, the gifts that she has been given, her natural talents and acquired skills. Give her the dignity of seeing her as an adult.?

While the above situation is about a mother/daughter relationship, the advice can easily be translated into any relationship where you love someone, and you want the best for them. Our human instinct is to help them the way you would help yourself. And yet, the greatest love would be to allow someone to be fully themselves, to recognize their personal sovereignty, and to trust that when they make choices, they are strong enough to live with the consequences of those choices. All of this assumes that the person is an adult (not a minor), with functioning mental capabilities (e.g., no mental illness).?

There is something sacred about moving from worry to trust. Trust means that you see beyond someone's circumstance to who they really are--whole and complete, with no need for fixing. Trust means that you recognize the messiness of being human, and respect the journey of one's soul. Trust means you love, unconditionally.

Isn't that what we are here for, to learn how to give and receive love unconditionally??

May tomorrow be a day of trust, respect, and love for yourself and others. May it be a day to remind you of your personal sovereignty and that of others.