What the fork?

You potentially weren't expecting a newsletter filled with cutlery metaphors this morning, but here we are. As a proud "spoonie", I love a kitchen-based analogy for a life-changing concept...

"Spoon theory" is the more commonly known of the two metaphors - it is an idea commonly used in chronic illness circles to describe what chronic fatigue is like. Simply put, spoons are units of energy and every single thing we do in a day costs spoons. Get out of bed - that's a spoon. Go to the toilet - another spoon. Showering is a multi-spoon activity. In short, if you live with chronic fatigue, you budget your spoons because they are limited and don't replenish easily.

It was created to help people who don't live with chronic illness understand what life is like for us "spoonies", but really I think the metaphor works for anyone who has hovered on the edge of burnout as well. I can't be the only person who's developed an intense love affair with their dry shampoo spray because the spoons needed to wash and style my hair were nowhere to be found, right?!

You promised me forks, Anna!

So, the new metaphor in town is "fork theory" and this one has been even more of a gamechanger for me, personally. Here's how it started on writer Jen Rose's blog:

“You know the phrase, ‘Stick a fork in me, I’m done,’ right? Well, Fork Theory is that one has a Fork Limit, that is, you can probably cope okay with one fork stuck in you, maybe two or three, but at some point you will lose your shit if one more fork happens.”

Forks can be internal (like hunger or thirst) or external (like a demanding task). Some are small (like replying to that email that's been lurking in your inbox all week) and some are VAST (how exactly will we manage our staffing issues?!) You probably have a mix of personally based and career based forks going on at the same time.

How the fork do I use this knowledge?

For me, the key to using "fork theory" can be summarised in two key benefits - self-awareness and communication.

Firstly, fork theory is a great way to get in touch with your internal processes. When you start to spot that you are dysregulated (fancy coach speak for grumpy, tearful, generally Not OK) - check in with what forks you are coping with. You will probably find some that are smaller or easily dealt with. If you remove some of the 'minor' forks that are stuck in you, it will free up your brain space and energy to apply to some of the trickier ones!

I use the HALTTT acronym here too - am I Hungry, Anxious, Lonely, Thirsty, Tired or in need of the Toilet? It's amazing how dealing with one of these six forks can make just about anything easier to deal with!

Then we come to communication. I use fork theory as part of my everyday lexicon with the people around me now. If I'm not okay and they add in an extra fork, saying "I just need to deal with some forks, can I come back to you" is a neutral way of pausing the demand. It's clear that you're not saying no, you're just saying "not now", and even more importantly it's nothing personal.

In reverse, if I'm having a hard day and can't seem to get out of my own way - let's face it, we all have "those days" - my team will now ask me what forks they can help me with. It stops me from getting defensive or feeling attacked - it's not that I'm being an unholy cowbag, it's just a matter of excess cutlery!

Are there knives too?

I would flippin love it if there was. I clearly shouldn't advocate getting a bit stabby on a professional platform, but my cutlery drawer feels incomplete! Is knife theory a metaphor for our historical traumas, or the secondary traumas we experience at work? Is it about boundaries? Is it - as my bestie says - what we run on when we're out of spoons and stuck full of forks?

Watch this space!

Audaciously Resilient Teams is my team coaching programme for changemakers, helping you and your team handle all your forks and gather your spoons. If you need a cutlery organiser, DM me!