WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

10 Leadership lessons I learned while teaching my 15 year old son how to drive (it was less teaching more yelling btw).

You see that guy to the right teaching so cool, so calm and collected? For the record that was not me the first day I started teaching my son how to drive. I was the bald guy with glasses at the end of the picture above!

I've been told many times I am a skillful developer of people, teams and organizations. I have facilitated retreats from interventions, team building exercises and strategy sessions. I do internal executive coaching, I am a human resources, training and organizational development leader, I am an avid learner and a great listener...[clearing my throat] lets just say its not my first rodeo on all things developmental and leadership.

Well, when I was teaching my son how to drive you know all that knowledge, experience, skill set went out the window and all of a sudden I was one of them. You know them, those raving lunatic leaders who constantly have amygdala attacks or just know it all or blame others for their own short comings. I was in a flash my own worst nightmare as I "taught" my son how to drive!

I consider myself a servant leader who loves building strong work environments and who likes to have teams perform at their best because of that environment a leader can create. Why did all that training and knowledge go out the window while teaching my son how to drive? I knew the way I was acting was wrong on many fronts, and yet, I still lost it. Maybe it was my fight or flight kicking in as he ran off the road bouncing off the curb, or maybe, it was me ridiculously overwhelmed that my baby boy was behind the wheel of a 2000# killing machine and all I could do was watch it. I was not prepared to process that. Maybe just maybe, I was not prepared to teach or mentor or coach that day.

What else can I blame for my actions? It must have been the Miami traffic that got the best of me. If you have ever driven in Miami you will know what I mean. It's safer to cross the Autobahn on foot with a baby carriage and a grandmother with a walker than driving the streets of Miami! You see we are a melting pot of people who I am convinced don't have driving laws in their home countries or they were all trained by the Uber online drivers education course...sorry I digress. Lets just say Miami driving is dangerous but that is a topic for another article. The truth is, in my eyes, every shortcoming or bad moment as a leader or team is a learning experience and this was no different and the outcome was my fault.

Below are the leadership lessons I learned the fateful day I taught my son how to drive:

#1 My Question was the right question, but to the wrong person. When I screamed at my son WTF are you doing?... I should have asked myself that question...not him. It was his first time behind the wheel not mine. What a duh moment on my behalf to ask such as thing of him! He had no idea what he was doing and in many ways in that moment neither did I.

#2 Slow down. I told my son this repeatedly as he encroached on 20 mph! As a leader, I need to slow down and see what we are doing, learn, grow and then go fast.

#3 Be accountable for your actions. I had the authority and responsibility to be the leader and a great teacher. Accountability for your behavior is always a good first step as long as you learn and change your poor behavior.

#4 Both hands on the wheel and see it all. As leaders we can't have one hand on the wheel and not paying attention to the traffic around us. Lax leadership is never prepared for the massive pothole that may be in front of us. Get both hands on the wheel and pay attention to what is going on around you, that may be all you need to avoid that pothole.

#5 Barking orders at people ain't teaching and it certainly ain't leadership. Maybe it works in the military and crew but not in a normal work environment. It certainly doesn't work while teaching teenagers to drive. I am not sure that people learn by screaming at them they to go into fight or flight mode. It is hard to get the most out of people yelling at them before you have taught them, isn't it?

#6 Check for understanding. Pilots train in simulators, why would I think its okay to have him get behind the wheel and go. I did not set him up for success. All I did was throw him in the deep end without floaties as he learned how to swim for the first time.

#7 In order to be a great leader you have to be prepared and be a great teacher and listener. Nuff said.

#8 Check your attitude and years of experience at the door. With all my experience in helping others learn, I forgot what it was like to do something for the first time...it was too many years ago when I learned how to drive. Don't let ego and attitude get in the way of being the leader you want to be.

#9 Learning sometimes takes time. As a leader have to have the proper amount of patience to teach. Once you have taught its okay to have a little bit of impatience especially if the pupil is capable.

#10 It takes just one interaction to be a hypocrite and lose the trust of the people you love the most if you don't fix it immediately. Everything I have learned as a leader, the way I carry myself as a leader, the language I use as a leader all went out the door in one interaction. I believe in @SimonSinek's Why Statements and I trampled all over mine with one interaction. It is not what we believe in that people care about, its the the way we behave that matters. If you don't learn and listen you don't have the opportunity and gift to grow as a leader.

Thanks for listening to the lessons I learned on leadership as I taught my 15 year old son how to drive. Thankfully, for the both of us I chose to be better, the adult/leader that I was supposed to be from the beginning. I am happy to say he is turning out to be one damn good driver more because of him not me! If you ever come to Miami and experience one good driver you will know that I fulfilled my mission of teaching my son how to drive the right way. My 12 year old daughter is waiting in the wings to learn how to drive and I can almost guarantee you I will be re-writing this same article again in 3 years...even leaders need to be schooled more than once to get it right :)! #LeadBetter #StartwithWhy

Onward & Up!

Greg

Sorry for any poor grammar or missing words as I type slower than I think and speak. These are my personal thoughts and are not necessarily those of my employer. This article has been written on my own time for my own healing from the PTSD from teaching my son how to drive.