What failure taught you a big leadership lesson? I'll go first.

Early in my career, I worked as a facilitator for large scale training programs—sometimes for audiences of hundreds of people. 

When the audience size got really big, I’d have a support facilitator team of up to fifty people helping run the program.

When we were onsite, I was all about the client. I was focused. I wanted to make sure I did a great job, and the client was happy.

What I didn’t realize was that in my “client focus”, I was seen as gruff, demanding, and mean by some of the support staff. And they didn’t tell me.

Mary, my girlfriend at the time (now my wife), had come and supported some of these programs. After one of the sessions, she said to me,

Do you know you put Carol into tears, and Martha never wants to work with you again?

I was stunned. 

It was a wake up call. 

That wasn’t at all what I intended. But what I intended didn’t matter. It’s what they thought that counts.

I went up to Carol and Martha and apologized, asked for forgiveness, and promised to do better. 

I can't say I enjoyed getting the feedback from Mary. It was painful to hear.

But I’d like to think I’m better for it. I certainly learned something in the process.