The F word

A few weeks ago, I attended a pitch presentation where a company spoke about how failure is a big part of how they learn and grow as an organization. The client proceeded to ask them to share examples of some of their biggest failures. Think about it, we have so many global business & marketing awards that celebrate project success but barely any that celebrate the best failures (that taught us so much).

Failure is a sexy word in business-streets but a dangerous word under the business-sheets. It sounds good to host a conference on FAILING FORWARD. It sounds progressive to have ‘we learn by trying and failing’ as part of your company values. But the truth is we often only want to talk about failure WHEN we succeed. And not before. Look around you. Almost every day there is a LinkedIn post where someone applied to 2322 jobs, got turned down in 2321 of them, and now has received the offer of their dreams that includes getting to live in Hawaii! (?? I exaggerate but you know what I mean). The stories are meant to be motivational (although not sure if 100% true) but only because FINALLY- success is here! and success legitimizes failure.

That’s why failure is so hard for those of us who don’t yet have a success story to tell. When you’ve been a CEO for only 3 months, a manager for only 6 weeks, and a mum for only 2 months… success is neither near nor clear. Personally, I’ve been having a very difficult 2 months. Work has been a lot – and so have been the curveballs. There are Mondays that have started out with such hope- only to receive the worst email that Monday – subsequently throwing my entire week’s plans into a panic. Settling into a new role has taken more from me than I anticipated- mentally and emotionally. Caring for people has meant that I care for them. A colleague’s sick baby/spouse is no longer something I can simply say “sorry” about. I find that I’m invested in that family’s healing and safety and progression. And yet, these are elements I’m not in control over and will therefore almost always feel powerless over! For this reason, I’ve found myself reflecting on what has felt like an impossibly busy week and have felt… confused. I mean… how do I know if what I’m doing is working? Am I exhausted because I’m spending my efforts on the wrong things? Or is this just me settling in? I think I would have been fine with just those thoughts but soon I found that the idea of failure had begun creeping into my personal life.

Because of how exhausted and overwhelmed I’d been feeling, my healthy routines had fallen off. I wasn’t taking walks anymore, I wasn’t shutting down my laptop after 5pm, I was eating poorly (read junk and sugar) and I couldn’t remember the last time I sent my husband inappropriate daytime memes ??. I wasn’t engaging in my hobbies and reading novels anymore. I was failing at being a partner, at being a parent, at being Marion. But as God would have it, my husband was heading down to Joburg for a Faith & Work conference, and we decided that I would join him. It would mean two weeks away from work and the kids and some space to breathe, reflect and reset. The trip was truly God-sent. Being surrounded by other city professionals from across the world, and sharing our struggles/failures as corporate professionals reminded me of a saying

“even a broken clock is right twice in a day”

In other words, the idea that ALL WE ARE is a failure is a lie. There are truths about us as people that don’t change despite what we are going through or failing at. The real failure would be to allow the sense of failure to take over your entire life.

What do I mean? I may no longer have a 2-hour play stretch with my kids every day, but now when they want to play hide&seek, I do it. Even if it's 7:45 a.m. in the morning or 7:45 pm at night, I take the moment-of-joy and do it. When my colleague is going through something difficult, I stop and pray. And genuinely give into the emotion I feel in that moment-of-care, grateful that I care for the people I work with. I’m trying to get back to texting my husband during the day – I just need to figure out what meme editor to use ?? and rekindle our moments-of-intimacy. Because of failure, I’m more attuned to these moments of humanity where how clever I am or how close I am to meeting my business targets cease to be important, and I can succeed at being me. And that is such a powerful fuel to keep going. (At least until I'm invited to speak at a global conference on Failing to Succeed :-)

Friends, are you having a hard week/month/H1? Be encouraged. I bet you're not alone. Happy Failing!