What to Expect When You’re Expecting an Empty Nest

Of all the milestones in motherhood, sending your youngest (or only) child into the world can feel like a doozy, but it doesn’t have to be.

The book titled “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” has been on the New York Times Bestseller list since 1984. If you’re not familiar with it, the book gently guides expectant moms through the process of pregnancy, ensuring that they have a general idea of what the next nine months will be like. Once the baby is born, moms have abundant guidance from friends, family, websites, books, and support groups that educate them through the complexities of raising children. Then, once children reach a certain age, say around 17 or 18, moms start focusing on what’s next: the empty nest.?

First of all, I’m not a big fan of empty anything; I don’t like an empty stomach, an empty tank of gas, or empty words. So can we refer to this next stage differently? Maybe something like, “Even though my kids are grown, I still love my nest,” or “Living a full life in an empty nest that finally has room for a gym.” I have speculations about why there’s so little written about this profound milestone, but I think the most obvious is that there’s no blueprint for it.?

You know that your role as a mother is permanent, but the motherhood journey is a series of changes, and sending your grown children into the world is one of them. So, how can you ease the transition when you’re expecting an empty nest??

Prepare yourself before your last (or only) child leaves

If you’re reading this and still have kids at home, you’ve got some buffer. If your kids have already left and you feel like you’re sitting in an empty house of echos, there’s no need to fret. Either way, the best way to balance feelings that you’re not needed with knowing that you’re absolutely needed is to take inventory of what you enjoy doing, then do it.?

Some women I know went back to work full-time, some down-shifted and went part-time, some started their own business, some of my single friends finally found time to date (and even got married), and some devoted their extra time to causes that they’re passionate about. Additionally, hobbies that lay dormant were blissfully rediscovered.?

Maybe one of the reasons that the empty-nest season seems daunting isn’t because we don’t know what to do with ourselves, but because there are so many choices in front of us. Follow your intuition, and before long, your plate will be so full that your grown children might get annoyed when you’re too busy to answer their texts right away.?

Freak out (just not indefinitely)

Do you remember when you first became a mother? Talk about a reason for freaking out. The overwhelming sense of joy coupled with the overwhelming sense of responsibility for how to care for your teen-tiny human is nerve-wracking. At the very beginning of your motherhood journey, you had to take it one day at a time while on the motherhood learning curve.?

It’s important to acknowledge feelings of grief because just as you had to adjust to new motherhood, you have to adjust to the seismic shift of life with grown children.?You’ve gone from having your kids within arm’s distance to just having distance. To ease this transition, lean on your friendships, family relationships, and be your own best friend. Plan visits to see your kids, whether they live across town or across the country. Take it one day at a time, and be assured that your life will soon feel normal again (albeit a new normal).?

If you’re struggling with severe sadness, seek help. Also, consider that one of the most therapeutic ways to heal is by serving others. Even in your struggles, you have the power to help causes that need you.

Empty that bucket list

Okay, I know I said I don’t like the word empty, but I’m making an exception here. Dare I say that?not?having to plan your days, nights, meals, weekends, and vacations to accommodate everyone else’s preferences can be an exhilarating experience??

Creative and professional pursuits can finally step into the spotlight. If nothing comes to mind at first, sit down and ask yourself what you love.?What places excite you? Who do you want to spend more time with? What do you want to do or learn?

It’s okay to be okay

This one may sound counterintuitive because we assume things will be rough when our kids leave. However,?some women I interviewed felt peaceful after sending their children into the world. So, if you’re not struggling like some of your friends, remember that everyone adjusts differently, and that’s perfectly okay.?

If you can remember one thing, please remember this: Your role as a mom isn’t over once your children leave; it simply changed.?Getting your children across the finish line is, in my opinion, just as critical as getting them in the race.?

Authored by Phaedra Rogers, Copywriter and originally published on Uplevyl .