What Is Emotional Pain?

As I sat across the café, relishing my lemon curd tart, my attention was drawn to a woman at the next table. She looked distraught, tears brimming in her eyes. I couldn't help but overhear her conversation with a friend. She spoke about feeling underappreciated at work and not being able to meet the high standards set for her, despite her relentless efforts. What was evident was not just a challenging work environment, but deep emotional pain she was experiencing.

?

Few years ago during a workshop, I had an interaction that deeply touched me. A middle-aged woman, Shriti*, came up to share her story. She was a top executive in a multinational firm, known for her efficiency and professional acumen. Yet, behind that fa?ade of success, she hid layers of emotional pain. She once had a manager who, despite her dedication, never acknowledged her work. This lack of appreciation was her emotional pain, which she couldn’t share with anyone, thinking it was too trivial. But over time, it started affecting her self-worth.

?

This tale is a stark reminder of how emotional pain, often unseen and unrecognised, shapes our lives. Unlike a physical wound that can be seen and treated, emotional pain lingers in the shadows, sometimes for years, echoing within the chambers of our heart and mind.

?

Understanding Emotional Pain

Emotional pain is more than just fleeting moments of sadness. It's that lingering feeling of being incomplete, of something being amiss. It arises from various facets of life – our circumstances, the unpredictability of moods, and most crucially, our interactions with others.

?

Picture this: A child continuously mocked by classmates may grow up with deep-seated self-esteem issues. A partner feeling continuously neglected, might develop trust issues. These are instances of emotional pain, manifesting from our experiences and interactions.

?

Why Reactions to Emotional Pain Vary

Every individual, based on their upbringing, life experiences, and inherent beliefs, develops a unique emotional blueprint. This blueprint dictates how we perceive, process, and react to emotional challenges.

?

Kaushal*, a friend of mine, lost his job during a massive company layoff after Covid19. While he was initially devastated, his inherent belief that "every end is a new beginning" helped him bounce back. Within a month, he started his venture, turning adversity into opportunity. His emotional blueprint, built on optimism and resilience, aided him.

?

Conversely, Seema*, a brilliant student, after facing rejection from her dream university, went into a shell. The rejection, rather than being seen as a singular event, became a reflection of her self-worth. She started doubting her capabilities, even questioning her past achievements. The emotional pain was so intense that it eclipsed her objective reality.

?

The Downward Spiral and The Road to Recovery

When trapped in emotional pain, the world often seems bleak. The pain intensifies feelings of regret, guilt, and disbelief in one's abilities. This is the downward spiral – where one negative emotion feeds another, pulling the person further into despair.

?

But there's hope. Recovery begins with acknowledgment. Recognising that one is in pain, understanding its origins, and seeking help when needed.

?

Remember Shriti from my workshop? After months of internal turmoil, she decided to confront her manager. She realized her emotional well-being was equally, if not more, important than her professional achievements. That conversation was an eye-opener for her manager, who was oblivious to the emotional distress he was inadvertently causing. Post this interaction, not only did their professional relationship improve, but Shriti also felt a burden lifted off her shoulders.

?

Emotional pain, while intangible, has very tangible effects on our lives. It affects our happiness, potential, relationships, and even physical health. However, amidst this pain lies the potential for growth. It’s a reminder that we are human, that we feel deeply, and it's okay to seek help.

?

In our interconnected world, it’s essential to be emotionally vigilant – not just for ourselves but for others around us. A kind word, a gesture of appreciation, or merely being there as a patient listener can make a world of difference. After all, in our shared journeys of highs and lows, it's these bonds of empathy and understanding that light our path.

?

?

* name and identifying details changed to protect the identity of my clients.